Hedgerow Tales
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "A Story for Christmas"Book 3 in the Hedgerow Series
49 total reviews
Comment from Hollyhock
So sorry I missede this one earlier.
This is absolutely beautiful, such a tender re-tellling of the old story and how well it fits into your animal tales.
You make just enough of the story without too many complications and all the wonder and magic of it is there.
My only criticism is that the three kings only get a mention in relation to Santa, which is fine, but up till then they have had no mention in the story.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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So sorry I missede this one earlier.
This is absolutely beautiful, such a tender re-tellling of the old story and how well it fits into your animal tales.
You make just enough of the story without too many complications and all the wonder and magic of it is there.
My only criticism is that the three kings only get a mention in relation to Santa, which is fine, but up till then they have had no mention in the story.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2012
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2012
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Oh, Andrea, I am so pleased you liked it, and thank you for this lovely review and the wonderful 6 stars. I understand and take note of your 'criticism' about the three kings. I was trying to make it simple. I wrote another one, where the three kings and the shepherps came to the stable and stood together equal in Baby Jesus eyes, but that wasn't a Hedgerow one. Thank you again for coming and reviewing this one, Andrea, I really appreciate your lovely kindness. xsx Sandra
Comment from Janice Canerdy
What a wonderful, skillfully-written narrative poem! It illustrates how a child's future faith in Jesus can start with belief in childhood stories and characters. This is truly exceptional.
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2012
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What a wonderful, skillfully-written narrative poem! It illustrates how a child's future faith in Jesus can start with belief in childhood stories and characters. This is truly exceptional.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2012
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Thank you so very, very much for this amazing review, Janice! I really hope it does. And another huge thank you for awarding it the 6 stars, I am delighted you enjoyed it!! xsx Sandra
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Sandra, I could only give you five stars. Worth more than that. You really hit the mark with this story. The imagery you have created swims around in my mind. You know how I feel about this season and this is a wonderful and heartwarming story. From me, thanks so much for this one. Very well written my friend. Always,,,,,,Jim
Sorry for this delay, I have been to my sister and brother in law's from thanksgiving until yesterday. Also, I just finished up my biggest challenge ever.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Sandra, I could only give you five stars. Worth more than that. You really hit the mark with this story. The imagery you have created swims around in my mind. You know how I feel about this season and this is a wonderful and heartwarming story. From me, thanks so much for this one. Very well written my friend. Always,,,,,,Jim
Sorry for this delay, I have been to my sister and brother in law's from thanksgiving until yesterday. Also, I just finished up my biggest challenge ever.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thank you so very much, Jim, you know I would much prefer you to review my work for 1 star if it had to be. I just like to hear from you. You have my e.mail address, drop me a line I would like to hear all about this challenge you have finished, I think I know but would love to hear from you. We might be miles apart, but that doesn't mean we can't be there for one another. Your friend always, Sandra, xsx
Comment from adewpearl
as always, excellent rhyming couplets including good proximate rhymes like come/one
good alliteration in pillow to prop
and something special
I like the use of dialogue in retelling the Nativity story
and the prominence the animals play in this version
:-) Brooke
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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as always, excellent rhyming couplets including good proximate rhymes like come/one
good alliteration in pillow to prop
and something special
I like the use of dialogue in retelling the Nativity story
and the prominence the animals play in this version
:-) Brooke
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much, Brooke, for you lovely review! This one is for my little 5 year old grandson Eric, he is just appreciating Christmas now, and loves the stories I tell him about Baby Jesus. I think he likes the idea of presents as well! :) xsx Sandra.
Comment from misscookie
I have no more stars to give please accept these from me*********
I love how you told the Christmas story in a childtren understanduing way.
I'm sur the children will love to hear that story again and again.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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I have no more stars to give please accept these from me*********
I love how you told the Christmas story in a childtren understanduing way.
I'm sur the children will love to hear that story again and again.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Awww, thank you!! Just having you review this for me is lovely, thank you so much, I'm just so pleased you enjoyed it! xsx Sandra
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I enjoyed it very much.
Your very welcome.
Comment from candi lester
Very good poem.....................
Awesomely done................................
Thanks for sharing with us..........................
It was a joy to read.......................................
Candi Jo Lester
Soon to be known as
SWEETNESS JOLEEN WINTERS
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Very good poem.....................
Awesomely done................................
Thanks for sharing with us..........................
It was a joy to read.......................................
Candi Jo Lester
Soon to be known as
SWEETNESS JOLEEN WINTERS
Comment Written 26-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review, Candi! Name change? This one is lovely!! Thank you once more, I am delighted you enjoyed it! xsx Sandra
Comment from 3boysrule
I love this poem (story)! It was written so beautifully. I love the mice (and usually I don't like mice). I think your rhyming is perfect. This is the type of story I love to read to my children. The message was clear and I even like the explanation of why Santa brings gifts. Wonderful!!! THANKS!
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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I love this poem (story)! It was written so beautifully. I love the mice (and usually I don't like mice). I think your rhyming is perfect. This is the type of story I love to read to my children. The message was clear and I even like the explanation of why Santa brings gifts. Wonderful!!! THANKS!
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your lovely review, 3boysrule!! I am delighted you enjoyed it! (A little secret, I would run a mile if a mouse came into my home!!LOL! xsx Sandra
Comment from Just2Write
This is such an excellent poem, Sandra. Rich use of imagination and something that should be read to all Christian children at Christmastime. It teaches them that all creatures great and small have a place in the Christmas story, and that even children (mice ones as well) can help and make a difference.
Loved this absolutely.
One small nit - Verse 5
All the mice went off and while gathering hay (scansion)
suggestion:
The mice scurried off to gather some hay.
It still works with the following line:
The sheep rubbed their coats till their wool came away.
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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This is such an excellent poem, Sandra. Rich use of imagination and something that should be read to all Christian children at Christmastime. It teaches them that all creatures great and small have a place in the Christmas story, and that even children (mice ones as well) can help and make a difference.
Loved this absolutely.
One small nit - Verse 5
All the mice went off and while gathering hay (scansion)
suggestion:
The mice scurried off to gather some hay.
It still works with the following line:
The sheep rubbed their coats till their wool came away.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for this lovely review and for the help! I have changed that line and I have to agree it reads much better now, thank you! And even after finding that for me, you are kind enough to give it a 6 star rating, I can't thank you enough!!! I am just so pleased you enjoyed it. xsx Sandra.
Comment from yonashalom
Hey there, Sandra. This is a fun mouse tale about the birth of Jesus. I enjoyed the story and the excitement in the little mice. As I read through, I noticed some punctuation that was either not necessary or could be changed. I have noted the suggestions below. Commas can be flexible when needed for clarity or setting tone, but I find your writing flows well enough that there is no confusion without some of the commas. :) There are also a couple of true SPAG items noted here as well.
He took hold of a chair and pulling it near, <-- this should be pulled
Something so special, to make the world right. <-- comma not necessary
They told all their friends, the mice, and the sheep, <-- comma after mice not needed
The sheep offered wool, to spread on the ground, <-- comma after wool not necessary
Then pulled up a hay bale, to make a soft chair. <-- comma not necessary
With everything ready, the manger looked nice, <-- a semicolon would work after nice
It was so soft and warm, all thanks to the mice. <-- instead of a comma here after warm, you can consider a dash to put emphasis on the thought of the mice
In the distance they heard a donkey's loud bray, <-- you can put a period or semicolon after bray
The cow gave her milk, and the sheep gave a shawl <-- period missing after shawl
The baby, named Jesus, was sent from above, <-- named Jesus does not have to be separated by commas
Timmy and Tommy both jumped out of bed, <-- I'd put a period or semicolon here to avoid confusion of who is speaking
Good use of quotations and remembering when and where to put them. :) Cute story!
G-d bless you! ~Yona
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Hey there, Sandra. This is a fun mouse tale about the birth of Jesus. I enjoyed the story and the excitement in the little mice. As I read through, I noticed some punctuation that was either not necessary or could be changed. I have noted the suggestions below. Commas can be flexible when needed for clarity or setting tone, but I find your writing flows well enough that there is no confusion without some of the commas. :) There are also a couple of true SPAG items noted here as well.
He took hold of a chair and pulling it near, <-- this should be pulled
Something so special, to make the world right. <-- comma not necessary
They told all their friends, the mice, and the sheep, <-- comma after mice not needed
The sheep offered wool, to spread on the ground, <-- comma after wool not necessary
Then pulled up a hay bale, to make a soft chair. <-- comma not necessary
With everything ready, the manger looked nice, <-- a semicolon would work after nice
It was so soft and warm, all thanks to the mice. <-- instead of a comma here after warm, you can consider a dash to put emphasis on the thought of the mice
In the distance they heard a donkey's loud bray, <-- you can put a period or semicolon after bray
The cow gave her milk, and the sheep gave a shawl <-- period missing after shawl
The baby, named Jesus, was sent from above, <-- named Jesus does not have to be separated by commas
Timmy and Tommy both jumped out of bed, <-- I'd put a period or semicolon here to avoid confusion of who is speaking
Good use of quotations and remembering when and where to put them. :) Cute story!
G-d bless you! ~Yona
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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What can I say? Thank you so very much for the time you spent checking my punctuation Yona! I am so grateful to you, I am terrible at it, I have a book to help me, but once I get going my mind forgets it all. I am so pleased you liked it after all that, Lol. Thank you!! I am going to change it all now! xsx Sandra
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I don't "SPAG" long stories often because it is time consuming. Every once in a while I feel like doing a good deed. :) Glad it helped. Sometimes, you get a "thank you." :) ~Yona
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I am so pleased you felt like doing a good deed today! I have just changed it all. Thank you again, I appreciate it a lot. xsx
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;) I checked it out. Very good. Thanks for your appreciation. xo
Comment from Littlegirl38732
Awww! This is absolutely beautiful. I loved reading it to my babies. I think you did well with it. This is our favorite time of the year!!! (:
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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Awww! This is absolutely beautiful. I loved reading it to my babies. I think you did well with it. This is our favorite time of the year!!! (:
Comment Written 25-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2012
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My favorite time too! Everyone we meet seems to feel the magic of what Christmas represents, I am so glad you thought this poem was a nice one, thank you so much for you lovely review and many, many blessings to you and your babies! xsx Sandra
