Comment from Eliza M

Excellent

Wow Jaq! Another rather steamy one! Your free verse writing just gets better every time I review you. There are some wonderful verb choices in this poem and it flows really well.Some great alliteration in the first stanza- 'body beautiful'/'so silky smooth' and some effective assonance with 'smooth' and 'move'. Really good. Liz.x

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012

Thank you so much Liz. Always great to have you review my poems. Hope you are well. :) Jaq x

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

nice alliteration in silky smooth
I like the smooth/move proximate rhyme
excellent use of enjambment to increase the flow of your lines
devour - perfect verb choice :-)
this is one passionate poem!! Brooke :-)

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012

Thank you so much Brooke, lovely review, always appreciated. :) Jaq x

Comment from Spike the second

Excellent

Blimey Jaq

How did you know I look like that, apart from the blue paint? LOL

Although in truth my belly and hair needs a bit of work :)

Super poem Jaq and great writing

Blessings

Spike

 Comment Written 19-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012

My minds eye told me that was you Spike. LOL Thanks for the great review. :) Jaq x

Comment from reconciled

Exceptional

I see you got that picture i sent you ...lol Well , well , well Jaxs.....this was an oustanding read....the ending....was...wonderful...excuse me i'm gonna smoke a cigerette now lol love michael

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012

A lovely picture it is too Michael :) Glad you liked it, many thanks for the fantastic review and rating. :) Jaq x

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

Oooh this is a tad on the heavy side, right girl? I love it!! I liked the presentation an awful lot and really found this to be great:

Lay with me now
I'll devour your
whole
Sucking licking
inhaling your
soul

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 19-Nov-2012

Thanks a lot Gungalo, much appreciated indeed. Just finding my feet with what I enjoy writing. So happy you enjoyed it. :) Jaq x

reply by Gungalo on 19-Nov-2012

Smile.

Comment from Earl of Oxford

Excellent

Hi, Jaq.

Seems you have the free verse bug, and I reckon you're a natural.

I think this would present better free of all punctuation and capitals.

Your line breaks are good and the words flow down the page in sensual and descriptive form.

Not sure about 'devouring your hole', I mean 'whole', but I'm warped of course. :-)

Maybe delete 'like' in 2nd line and just leave as 'Adonis' as the word speaks for itself, and 'like' isn't a very imaginative or poetic word, though I do use it myself sometimes if I can't find an alternative.

Excellent.

Best wishes, Ray

 Comment Written 18-Nov-2012

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reply by the author on 18-Nov-2012

Thanks for your very helpful review my friend. I will go back and change that :) Jaq x