My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 152 "Your body belies your words."All of my poems of release.
10 total reviews
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes well done my friend a very sensual poem indeed that has great imagery and strong passion through out well done my friend regards Jill
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Yes well done my friend a very sensual poem indeed that has great imagery and strong passion through out well done my friend regards Jill
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you Jill, I'm very glad you enjoyed it. That means a lot to me my friend. :) Jaq x
Comment from MelReyn
I, at first, thought this was from a male point of view. But then once I read the end of the second stanza I realized that this is female... or gay. But either way, this was hot. I really liked it!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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I, at first, thought this was from a male point of view. But then once I read the end of the second stanza I realized that this is female... or gay. But either way, this was hot. I really liked it!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Lol female it is MelReyn. Thank you so much for your great review. :) Jaq(Jacqueline) x
Comment from Spike the second
Wow Jaq
That's a bit raunchy
I love it and you deserve to win the challenge with this.
I have my fingers crossed for you.
Not sure if I can vote but I'll try.
The best of luck
Spike
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Wow Jaq
That's a bit raunchy
I love it and you deserve to win the challenge with this.
I have my fingers crossed for you.
Not sure if I can vote but I'll try.
The best of luck
Spike
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Haha cheers Spike, a wee change from the norm for me. I enjoyed trying it out. Thanks for your encouraging words. :) Jaq x
Comment from chromeangel33
This is a good poem. I feel that your second verse could be better. I feel it lacks a sense of flow. Why not use a few rhyming verses? Again,good poem,with great potential. Happy writing!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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This is a good poem. I feel that your second verse could be better. I feel it lacks a sense of flow. Why not use a few rhyming verses? Again,good poem,with great potential. Happy writing!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thanks for reading and reviewing. :)
Comment from music_saves_lives
Very well done. Makes me believe that you feel very attracted to this significant other. Could have used a more precise word instead of "me" in the second stanza but all else is wonderful. Great job
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Very well done. Makes me believe that you feel very attracted to this significant other. Could have used a more precise word instead of "me" in the second stanza but all else is wonderful. Great job
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thanks for your kind review m_s_l :)
Comment from atlas-manoftherain
There were a few things I would suggest: This poem uses erogenous zones; "erogenous" is simply out of place in this poem. Everything else speaks of romance and humanness and this word just screamed "Anatomy!" to me.
Your last stanza was a string of words that some say is poetry (and I guess that cannot be argued) but it didn't do it for me as far as wanting to continue to read it. The overall message was "you feel good to touch and this is sensual and sex is fun and let's not stop even if we should for whatever reasons." And this is a slightly cliched notion. And if you're going to do cliched notions, you'd damn well better do it in a unique WAY if you want the poem to stand out at all.
Last, I must say that most will think that your cadence on the final stanza was great, and while I almost would agree, I only need remember that you rhymed your last word with the same exact word a few lines prior. That reminds me of some bad country songs i've heard.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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There were a few things I would suggest: This poem uses erogenous zones; "erogenous" is simply out of place in this poem. Everything else speaks of romance and humanness and this word just screamed "Anatomy!" to me.
Your last stanza was a string of words that some say is poetry (and I guess that cannot be argued) but it didn't do it for me as far as wanting to continue to read it. The overall message was "you feel good to touch and this is sensual and sex is fun and let's not stop even if we should for whatever reasons." And this is a slightly cliched notion. And if you're going to do cliched notions, you'd damn well better do it in a unique WAY if you want the poem to stand out at all.
Last, I must say that most will think that your cadence on the final stanza was great, and while I almost would agree, I only need remember that you rhymed your last word with the same exact word a few lines prior. That reminds me of some bad country songs i've heard.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thanks for your detailed review. :)
Comment from santapola
Hello there a nice write here and make the most of its content while you can ha ha. Enjoyed it and thank you for sharing it with us x
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Hello there a nice write here and make the most of its content while you can ha ha. Enjoyed it and thank you for sharing it with us x
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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LOL Santapola we must always make the most of our lives indeed. :) Thank you for your kind review. Jaq x
Comment from Curly Girly
A lovely poem about passionate love-making. You chose a good image and colour scheme to match your poem.
begging me to stop
I know your words
belie your body
which clearly says
Don't Stop.
True! GC
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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A lovely poem about passionate love-making. You chose a good image and colour scheme to match your poem.
begging me to stop
I know your words
belie your body
which clearly says
Don't Stop.
True! GC
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thanks so much CG, your reviews are much appreciated :) Jaq x
Comment from Bindu Saxena
Wow! This poem has such an amorous effect which is indescribable!You wrote it as it happens and comes out of your loving heart!There is no hackneyed and slipshod words in it. It's just from an honest pen.
Good luck!
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Wow! This poem has such an amorous effect which is indescribable!You wrote it as it happens and comes out of your loving heart!There is no hackneyed and slipshod words in it. It's just from an honest pen.
Good luck!
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review and rating Bindu. Much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from Gungalo
As you moan
at pleasures
height
begging me to stop
I know your words
belie your body
which clearly says
Don't Stop.
Clearly there is an understanding here that he hears those words and keeps on going. Awesome you. Just plain awesome.
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
|
As you moan
at pleasures
height
begging me to stop
I know your words
belie your body
which clearly says
Don't Stop.
Clearly there is an understanding here that he hears those words and keeps on going. Awesome you. Just plain awesome.
Comment Written 02-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 02-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review Gungalo :) Jaq x
