My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 163 "Lantern of Hope"All of my poems of release.
9 total reviews
Comment from Gungalo
When I've let it all go
and it's burnt out in the sky,
my life will start that day
just watch and see me fly.
And burn them out you must. Gosh Jaq, this is really a good write in quatrains. Wow.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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When I've let it all go
and it's burnt out in the sky,
my life will start that day
just watch and see me fly.
And burn them out you must. Gosh Jaq, this is really a good write in quatrains. Wow.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Once again I thank you for your very kind appraisal. :) Jaq xx
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Smile.
Comment from Spike the second
Jaq
have one of my 6 stars I really like this rhyming quatrain. No faults at all with the stanzas and I like the feeling this poem gives.
Top notch stuff from Bonnie Dundee.
Kind Regards
Spike
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Jaq
have one of my 6 stars I really like this rhyming quatrain. No faults at all with the stanzas and I like the feeling this poem gives.
Top notch stuff from Bonnie Dundee.
Kind Regards
Spike
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Very much appreciated once again Spike, you are very kind. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying my catharsis :) Jaq x
Comment from nighttripper
I am always pleased to see when someone breaks the chains of past hurt and you have recorded that change in such a heartfelt poem here. You make me want to watch you fly.Well done and thank you for sharing this.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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I am always pleased to see when someone breaks the chains of past hurt and you have recorded that change in such a heartfelt poem here. You make me want to watch you fly.Well done and thank you for sharing this.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Thank you nighttripper it's been a long and hellish journey which needs to end now. Glad you enjoyed it. :) Jaq x
Comment from terry drake
Your message of carrying guilt and regrets through life was a vivid story line. Your cadence marched us through each condemnation and the rhyme scheme enhanced your message.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Your message of carrying guilt and regrets through life was a vivid story line. Your cadence marched us through each condemnation and the rhyme scheme enhanced your message.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much for you very kind words. Much appreciated as always Terry. :) Jaq x
Comment from ElizaDark
A powerful, cathartic poem, indeed. Your rhymes are good, and don't seem forced (which can easily happen when you choose a rhyming form).
In the second line of the second stanza, I would take out the word "so". And fourth line of the third stanza - I like the use of "demeaned", but might change the route to it. The second use of "myself" seems a little clunky.
I LOVE the image of burning up the bad things with the lantern. Very evocative, an excellent metaphor for letting your light shine bright now. Good work!!
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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A powerful, cathartic poem, indeed. Your rhymes are good, and don't seem forced (which can easily happen when you choose a rhyming form).
In the second line of the second stanza, I would take out the word "so". And fourth line of the third stanza - I like the use of "demeaned", but might change the route to it. The second use of "myself" seems a little clunky.
I LOVE the image of burning up the bad things with the lantern. Very evocative, an excellent metaphor for letting your light shine bright now. Good work!!
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much for you very helpful review ElizaDark, I will certainly re-visit it and implement change. Always great to have constructive feedback. :) Jaq x
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I've edited it slightly hope it reads better. :) Jaq x
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I checked out the edits, and I like it! Great change on the "demeaned" line.
Comment from humpwhistle
Congratulations on spreading your wings. Though
you are not specific about what was done to you,
the important thing is you always recognize it was
not your fault. Fly.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Congratulations on spreading your wings. Though
you are not specific about what was done to you,
the important thing is you always recognize it was
not your fault. Fly.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Lee. I will indeed fly now. I am letting go of all the hurt and guilt. :) Jaq x
Comment from Eliza M
Jac this is a sad contemplative piece, but there is great strength, wisdom and optimism woven through its simple but very poignant and powerful lines.Your message of hope comes through loud and clear.
Might I suggest you add 'out' after 'burnt' in the final stanza as I think the rhyme goes slightly in that line.
Just a minor suggestion. Really liked this one. Liz.x
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Jac this is a sad contemplative piece, but there is great strength, wisdom and optimism woven through its simple but very poignant and powerful lines.Your message of hope comes through loud and clear.
Might I suggest you add 'out' after 'burnt' in the final stanza as I think the rhyme goes slightly in that line.
Just a minor suggestion. Really liked this one. Liz.x
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Thanks Liz I will change that now. Always a pleasure to have your thoughts. :) Jaq x
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is very well written my friend you have expressed your thoughts and feelings very strongly throughout the poem well done my friend regards Jill
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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This is very well written my friend you have expressed your thoughts and feelings very strongly throughout the poem well done my friend regards Jill
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Thank you once again Jill for taking the time to read and kindly review my poem. :) Jaq x
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hi, Jaq.
Still a couple of sticky meter patches, but generally excellent flow and rhyme.
I empathise with the theme here as I had a very un-loving and mentally abusive stepfather who, I'm sure, created all my hanggups and doubts about muyself I still carry, despite him redeeming himself to me just a couple of years before he died.
Very reflective, sad and believable poem, yet with a positive ending to leave the reader happy for you.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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Hi, Jaq.
Still a couple of sticky meter patches, but generally excellent flow and rhyme.
I empathise with the theme here as I had a very un-loving and mentally abusive stepfather who, I'm sure, created all my hanggups and doubts about muyself I still carry, despite him redeeming himself to me just a couple of years before he died.
Very reflective, sad and believable poem, yet with a positive ending to leave the reader happy for you.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 21-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2012
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I didn't get my metering masterclass last night Ray as my friend called off. :) I will get it right, eventually. Thanks so much for your review. Much appreciated as always. :) Jaq x
