My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 176 "Night Writer."All of my poems of release.
8 total reviews
Comment from RJ
A wonderful poem about the night writer. I believe you captured it perfectly for many writers. I find that when I'm half awake and dreaming the words come to me. RJ
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2012
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A wonderful poem about the night writer. I believe you captured it perfectly for many writers. I find that when I'm half awake and dreaming the words come to me. RJ
Comment Written 10-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2012
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It's amasing how many people actually do this. Thanks for your appraisal. :) Jaq x
Comment from Scarbrems
Yes, I think we can all recognise this. Funny how the best ideas come when we are asleep. This is a great write, lovely rhymes and a good theme.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2012
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Yes, I think we can all recognise this. Funny how the best ideas come when we are asleep. This is a great write, lovely rhymes and a good theme.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2012
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Thanks emsey much appreciated :) Jaq x
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Your meter is improving incredibly, Jaq
This is an easy, smooth and entertaining read.
I'm the same, as sometimes I'm just falling off to sleep when I have to jump out of bed and write down a line. Very well-capturerd here.
Best wishes, ray
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Your meter is improving incredibly, Jaq
This is an easy, smooth and entertaining read.
I'm the same, as sometimes I'm just falling off to sleep when I have to jump out of bed and write down a line. Very well-capturerd here.
Best wishes, ray
Comment Written 09-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much Ray. I have a pad and pen by the bed now. Saying that out loud, it seems quite sad. LOL. Just joking. A little guidance from Rama made it flow better. :) Jaq x
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It's really good of you to credit rd in your notes, Jaq.
I now have a small voice recorder on my bedside table to save me getting out of bed.
The trouble is, ever since I've had it there, I don't think of anything.
Maybe if I put it out of reach in the lounge, then I'll get re-inspired at inopportune times again, knowing my luck. :-) x
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I did toy with the idea of a recorder, I may still invest in one. I always feel if someone takes the time to help you it's nice to say thanks Ray :) Jaq xx
Comment from rama devi
Second review (Four stars)
Aw, thanks for mentioning me in your notes, though it is not required - it's still nice of you!
Much better, but I notice a couple of things:
*This needs punctuation mid-line.
The words won't come(, or ; or --) they're so elusive,
This line is not revised, but I still think it needs to be:
while in my mind my ideas still cower
This line does not require the comma-
They hide from me yet still I try,
First review (THREE stars)
This is charming and made me smile because it happens to me sometimes that my muse wakes me up in wee hours and makes me write. I have never chewed a pen, though. LOL This has great potential but needs work on meter. The rhyming is good and there is some fine consonance in there, too. The content is good as well.
So many lines are iambic, so the ones that are not sound off. Mixed meter sometimes works fine, but in this poem, it does not, in my opinion. Best way to hear it is to read aloud.
Suggestions below:
*I scratch my head and chew my pen,
wracking my brain again and again.
The first line is iambic but the second line has the stress on first syllable.
Here's an alternative (feel free to use)-
I scratch my head and chew my pen,
and wrack my brain all over again.
**
The words won't come they're so elusive,
My mind's awash with thoughts obtrusive.
The feminine end rhyme is fine here-but the flow sounds forced. Not sure how to remedy it.
*
I sit thinking 'til the midnight hour,
while in my mind my ideas cower.
This needs smoothing out and I also recommend not using my twice in one line. Suggestion:
I sit and think 'til midnight hour,
while in my mind ideas still cower.
*spag-
They hide from me yet still I try, (no comma here)
to capture them as they fly by.
*
I go to bed and soon to sleep,
when in my dreams the ideas leap.
"when' sounds odd to my here--maybe where works best? Also, ideas reads as three syllables (but you can check on line if two are acceptable. ) Personally, I think this line sounds bette read aloud without the THE. The comas added below are optional and used primarily for dramatic pause effect and 'breathing'.
Example:
I go to bed and soon to sleep,
where, in my dreams, ideas leap.
*
I'm half-awake and have to write,
poem's which visit me in the night.
the last line flows choppily. Also, no apostrophe on poems and no comma after write.
Here's an idea:
I'm half-awake and have to write
the poems visiting this night.
or
I'm half-awake and have to write
the poems visiting at night.
or
I'm half-awake and have to write
the poems visiting by night.
Do please let me know if you decide to revise the lines and I'll be happy to take a second look and re-review.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Second review (Four stars)
Aw, thanks for mentioning me in your notes, though it is not required - it's still nice of you!
Much better, but I notice a couple of things:
*This needs punctuation mid-line.
The words won't come(, or ; or --) they're so elusive,
This line is not revised, but I still think it needs to be:
while in my mind my ideas still cower
This line does not require the comma-
They hide from me yet still I try,
First review (THREE stars)
This is charming and made me smile because it happens to me sometimes that my muse wakes me up in wee hours and makes me write. I have never chewed a pen, though. LOL This has great potential but needs work on meter. The rhyming is good and there is some fine consonance in there, too. The content is good as well.
So many lines are iambic, so the ones that are not sound off. Mixed meter sometimes works fine, but in this poem, it does not, in my opinion. Best way to hear it is to read aloud.
Suggestions below:
*I scratch my head and chew my pen,
wracking my brain again and again.
The first line is iambic but the second line has the stress on first syllable.
Here's an alternative (feel free to use)-
I scratch my head and chew my pen,
and wrack my brain all over again.
**
The words won't come they're so elusive,
My mind's awash with thoughts obtrusive.
The feminine end rhyme is fine here-but the flow sounds forced. Not sure how to remedy it.
*
I sit thinking 'til the midnight hour,
while in my mind my ideas cower.
This needs smoothing out and I also recommend not using my twice in one line. Suggestion:
I sit and think 'til midnight hour,
while in my mind ideas still cower.
*spag-
They hide from me yet still I try, (no comma here)
to capture them as they fly by.
*
I go to bed and soon to sleep,
when in my dreams the ideas leap.
"when' sounds odd to my here--maybe where works best? Also, ideas reads as three syllables (but you can check on line if two are acceptable. ) Personally, I think this line sounds bette read aloud without the THE. The comas added below are optional and used primarily for dramatic pause effect and 'breathing'.
Example:
I go to bed and soon to sleep,
where, in my dreams, ideas leap.
*
I'm half-awake and have to write,
poem's which visit me in the night.
the last line flows choppily. Also, no apostrophe on poems and no comma after write.
Here's an idea:
I'm half-awake and have to write
the poems visiting this night.
or
I'm half-awake and have to write
the poems visiting at night.
or
I'm half-awake and have to write
the poems visiting by night.
Do please let me know if you decide to revise the lines and I'll be happy to take a second look and re-review.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 09-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much rama, I will indeed revise. It's kind of you to critique this helpfully. :) Jaq x
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Implemented and reads better, thank you xx
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Most welcome--On my way to re-review. Warmly, rd
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Thanks JC--Made a second review with an upgrade of one star..still a couple of issue jump out at me. Warm wishes, rd
Comment from zlp22
I also write a lot at night, it seems I get my best ideas when everything is quiet. Good word flow, interesting topic, fin and easy to read.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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I also write a lot at night, it seems I get my best ideas when everything is quiet. Good word flow, interesting topic, fin and easy to read.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much zlp22, many a sleepless night has been had. :) Jaq x
Comment from EMB
LOL You know, I've heard of this phenomenon. I've even heard of the advice of having a pen and pad next to your bed, just in case this does happen. You sum this phenomenon up very well with the masterfully crafted piece, and you did it with an impressive rhyming scheme.
Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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LOL You know, I've heard of this phenomenon. I've even heard of the advice of having a pen and pad next to your bed, just in case this does happen. You sum this phenomenon up very well with the masterfully crafted piece, and you did it with an impressive rhyming scheme.
Well done.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind review. Sadly I do have a pad and pen next to my bed, LOL. :) Jaq x
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is well written my friend my best ideas for writing come at night too this is well written and reads very well I enjoyed well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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This is well written my friend my best ideas for writing come at night too this is well written and reads very well I enjoyed well done regards Jill
Comment Written 08-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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Thank you Jill much appreciated as always my friend :) Jaq x
Comment from terry drake
Your poem is well crafted and displays a nice cadence in your verse. The rhyme scheme was well selected and contributes to your theme.
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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Your poem is well crafted and displays a nice cadence in your verse. The rhyme scheme was well selected and contributes to your theme.
Comment Written 08-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2012
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Thank you once again Terry, I am trying to learn proper rhyming. Glad to hear I am getting there. :) Jaq x
