My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 185 "Bleeding Heart."All of my poems of release.
9 total reviews
Comment from TammyGail
Jaq Cee you always do such an amazing job with weaving your inklings emotional and provoking - loved your use of imagery as well - thanks for sharing always a pleasure -
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Jaq Cee you always do such an amazing job with weaving your inklings emotional and provoking - loved your use of imagery as well - thanks for sharing always a pleasure -
Comment Written 04-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2012
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Thanks for your kind review, much appreciated :) Jaq x
Comment from terry drake
Your poem was descriptive and well written. The rhyme scheme was well chosen and enhanced your message. The cadence was deliberate and marched us to the end.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Your poem was descriptive and well written. The rhyme scheme was well chosen and enhanced your message. The cadence was deliberate and marched us to the end.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thank you once more for your great review Terry Jaq x
Comment from Eliza M
OMG! You're on fire girl! Two fine pieces in one day! This is powerful and oozes pain and angst. You create some very vivid imagery, the 'bleeding piece of meat' is so raw(no pun intended). Impactful verb choices. Well done again! Liz.x
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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OMG! You're on fire girl! Two fine pieces in one day! This is powerful and oozes pain and angst. You create some very vivid imagery, the 'bleeding piece of meat' is so raw(no pun intended). Impactful verb choices. Well done again! Liz.x
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thank you Liz, I really appreciate your appraisals :) Jaq x
Comment from RJ
A very visual poem that flowed well and had good rhymes. It is a reminder to all, the Hurt and pain caused by others who do not think. RJ
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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A very visual poem that flowed well and had good rhymes. It is a reminder to all, the Hurt and pain caused by others who do not think. RJ
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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It does indeed RJ. Sometimes we should take care of other peoples hearts. Thanks so much for your critique once again. :) Jaq x
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You are welcome. :-)
Comment from Earl of Oxford
Hi, Jaq
The colour mix is a bit difficult to read for my old peepers, but it matches the artwork perfectly.
Very dramatic outpouring of sad emotion. The flow is generally good, but just a couple of tweaks would improve the [da-DUM-da-DUM] meter. For example:
Chains around my damaged heart.
In place to stop it breaking?
So much TO TAKE, AMAZING pain;
My life'S there for the taking.
Ripped AND shredded, torn asunder,
Bleeding piece of meat still beats.
Unsure rhythm slows AND ceases,
Losing life as beats retreat.
Cold, hard chains can't save my heart
JUST AID ITS (NOT 'IT'S') sad demise.
Tighter now drawn SO MUCH closer,
Killed by HATING, CHEATING lies!
You're a natural at meter, and with a little practice will becoma an expert!
Nice one.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Hi, Jaq
The colour mix is a bit difficult to read for my old peepers, but it matches the artwork perfectly.
Very dramatic outpouring of sad emotion. The flow is generally good, but just a couple of tweaks would improve the [da-DUM-da-DUM] meter. For example:
Chains around my damaged heart.
In place to stop it breaking?
So much TO TAKE, AMAZING pain;
My life'S there for the taking.
Ripped AND shredded, torn asunder,
Bleeding piece of meat still beats.
Unsure rhythm slows AND ceases,
Losing life as beats retreat.
Cold, hard chains can't save my heart
JUST AID ITS (NOT 'IT'S') sad demise.
Tighter now drawn SO MUCH closer,
Killed by HATING, CHEATING lies!
You're a natural at meter, and with a little practice will becoma an expert!
Nice one.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thanks for your very helpful review Ray, I will implement the changes when not at work :) Jaq xx
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Edited thanks Ray for your gracious help ;) Jaq x
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I took another peek, Jaq.
One line is still out with one too many syllables:
'My life there for the taking'
Easily rectified as follows:
[my-LIFE-is-THERE-for-TAKE-ing]
xx
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is very well written a sad poem indeed the feeling coming through so very well you have done very well with the presentation well done regards Jill
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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This is very well written a sad poem indeed the feeling coming through so very well you have done very well with the presentation well done regards Jill
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thanks you once again Jill xx :) Jaq
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will be back later for reviewing have to visit mum she is in hospital will be playing catch up for a few days regards Jill
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God bless Jill, I hope she is ok. Thoughts and prayers with you Jaq xx
Comment from kleck140
The poem sends a sad message. The picture goes
very well with the poem. It is very fitting of my
heart today after a weekend with my disrespectful
son. Sure helps me to overcome my sadness. Thanks
for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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The poem sends a sad message. The picture goes
very well with the poem. It is very fitting of my
heart today after a weekend with my disrespectful
son. Sure helps me to overcome my sadness. Thanks
for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thanks very much for your review. Sorry to hear about your weekend. :) Jaq x
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You are so welcome.
Comment from Thatguypk
Wow,there is a lot of pain in this poem. I love the image of a heart without love being nothing but a piece of meat. This strong and succinct, and combined with a superb image, makes it's point very expressly.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Wow,there is a lot of pain in this poem. I love the image of a heart without love being nothing but a piece of meat. This strong and succinct, and combined with a superb image, makes it's point very expressly.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thanks for your kind appraisal it is much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from Angels27
So very beautiful Jaq. The raw pain is so evident in the writing. It's very descriptive and captivating. The picture compliments the writing well. Treachery, hate, lies.....
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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So very beautiful Jaq. The raw pain is so evident in the writing. It's very descriptive and captivating. The picture compliments the writing well. Treachery, hate, lies.....
Comment Written 02-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2012
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Thank you Angels, I enjoy writing the darker stuff more. :)Jaq x
