My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 191 "Life's Wonderful Dance??"All of my poems of release.
13 total reviews
Comment from mruss1
I wish I could give this the six it deserve just know that it is so:) I read you words and the walls the surround my heart steart to fall or crumble I should sya. There is so much pain below the srface yet this desire for something better and the hope oozes through as well. I cxould have written this piece I hope you don't take offense. it has pieces of many of the old poems I have here. Poems such as When. I can send you a copy is you like:) This also reminds me of my poem How:) Life is for the living what this means to me is when you don't live and forget about all life has to offer little pieces start to die inside of you. I think of this saying there is about addicts. " they walk around with tombstones in their eyes" This i can mean many things but is mainly about when hope ie extinquished the glitter of life fades from your eyes. life is very much like a dance it moves back and forth to the rythm of life and circles much like the seasons one ending to mark yet the beginning of another. Very well done my friend Loved it. it was like me on a page. Mark
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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I wish I could give this the six it deserve just know that it is so:) I read you words and the walls the surround my heart steart to fall or crumble I should sya. There is so much pain below the srface yet this desire for something better and the hope oozes through as well. I cxould have written this piece I hope you don't take offense. it has pieces of many of the old poems I have here. Poems such as When. I can send you a copy is you like:) This also reminds me of my poem How:) Life is for the living what this means to me is when you don't live and forget about all life has to offer little pieces start to die inside of you. I think of this saying there is about addicts. " they walk around with tombstones in their eyes" This i can mean many things but is mainly about when hope ie extinquished the glitter of life fades from your eyes. life is very much like a dance it moves back and forth to the rythm of life and circles much like the seasons one ending to mark yet the beginning of another. Very well done my friend Loved it. it was like me on a page. Mark
Comment Written 08-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2012
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Mark I would never take offence at your words. I've no doubt that it will have many similarities to your life, as we walked a similar path as children I feel. I understand the 'tombstone' reference very well. Please do send me your poems, I would love to read them.
Your appraisal of this poem means more to me than any amount of stars. Thanks so much, :) Jaq x
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Jaq, i felt like i have read your words before, you wrote this from your heart only someone who lives this can write it so well, even though it lost it's rhyme it still flowed because of the passion i enjoyed it, even though it makes me sad to think of some one out there who lives in the depths of depression. keep pouring it out,that's my therapy. kindest regards James xx
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Hi Jaq, i felt like i have read your words before, you wrote this from your heart only someone who lives this can write it so well, even though it lost it's rhyme it still flowed because of the passion i enjoyed it, even though it makes me sad to think of some one out there who lives in the depths of depression. keep pouring it out,that's my therapy. kindest regards James xx
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Thank you James, writing does indeed help. I struggle a wee bit with the rhythm of my poems, but it's always good to get them down on paper/computer. Cheers for reading and reviewing. :) Jaq x
Comment from lakeport
that's a very hearfelt expressed poem, very nice rhyme and flow like the dance.I enjoyed reading it.God bless you, Hugs!Lakeport.
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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that's a very hearfelt expressed poem, very nice rhyme and flow like the dance.I enjoyed reading it.God bless you, Hugs!Lakeport.
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Thanks Lakeport, nice of you to appraise it. :) Jaq x
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your welcoe,Lakeport.
Comment from Eliza M
This has such sadness and disappointment woven through its lines Jaq, yet I like the air of faint optimism in the penultimate stanza. For sure my children have been a source of strength and purpose at times.
Your poem has some very vivid imagery and some good rhyming couplets. The repeating lines certainly give impact.
Hope your Dad is recovering well and you are feeling a little better about the situation. Liz.x
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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This has such sadness and disappointment woven through its lines Jaq, yet I like the air of faint optimism in the penultimate stanza. For sure my children have been a source of strength and purpose at times.
Your poem has some very vivid imagery and some good rhyming couplets. The repeating lines certainly give impact.
Hope your Dad is recovering well and you are feeling a little better about the situation. Liz.x
Comment Written 01-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 01-Oct-2012
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Things are ticking along nicely for my Dad thanks for asking. We hope to get him to a hospital in Dundee tomorrow. Save travelling to Edinburgh daily fr my mum. Cheers for the great review once again. :) Jaq x
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That's great news Jaq. Hope all goes well.x
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
This is a sad poem with very good repetition through the poem unfortunately some of us feel this way for one reason or another but we have children and family that help us through it well done my friend regards Jill
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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This is a sad poem with very good repetition through the poem unfortunately some of us feel this way for one reason or another but we have children and family that help us through it well done my friend regards Jill
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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Thank you Jill, appreciated as always. :) Jaq x
Comment from Earl of Oxford
I'm not always a fan of repetition, Jaq, but your dramatic line repeats work very well here.
You classify as 'general poetry', but from your notes and some of the content, it seems personal and real.
Very gracious of you to credit rama devi, who is a lovely lady and very generous with her time and advice.
Despite general lack of consistent meter, your words do in fact flow very well. They're sad, honest and yet have a hint of positivity.
I agree that we all have different experiences of what 'living' is, and those who are stronger find it easier, and also easy to tell those more sensitive to get on with things. Of course, they don't understand.
I can relate to much of your excellent poem, and my daughter has been a great support to me, which repays the support I gave her when growing up and facing lots of problems.
If this is bio, then I wish you strength and happiness...well, I wish you that anyway! :-)
I really enjoyed this one. Excellent!
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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I'm not always a fan of repetition, Jaq, but your dramatic line repeats work very well here.
You classify as 'general poetry', but from your notes and some of the content, it seems personal and real.
Very gracious of you to credit rama devi, who is a lovely lady and very generous with her time and advice.
Despite general lack of consistent meter, your words do in fact flow very well. They're sad, honest and yet have a hint of positivity.
I agree that we all have different experiences of what 'living' is, and those who are stronger find it easier, and also easy to tell those more sensitive to get on with things. Of course, they don't understand.
I can relate to much of your excellent poem, and my daughter has been a great support to me, which repays the support I gave her when growing up and facing lots of problems.
If this is bio, then I wish you strength and happiness...well, I wish you that anyway! :-)
I really enjoyed this one. Excellent!
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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Ray thank you so much for your kind words. It's lovely to have that support from our children. I don't know how to change the classification, I just leave it as general.(sitting here totally embarrassed...LOL) I will have to learn meter of some sort also :) Jaq x
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If you want to change the classification, Jaq, just go to 'edit' on the poem. Then scroll down. I'm not sure what the prompt is, but it's definately ther in a box where you can scroll down and change it.
What have you got to be 'embarrassed' for. Hey, my dead pet goldfish is more tech aware than me. :-) x
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Laughing at 'dead pet goldfish' here. Thanks for your help once again Ray. :) Jaq x
Comment from rama devi
Aw, thanks for the mention in your notes--that's nice of you.
Glad to see you psoted this--it's an emotionally charged write and has such a nice ending...
I think this flows much smoother...well done!
Two more tiny spag suggestions (optional) :
You thought I was coping,(;) you weren't to know.
All I ever wanted(,) but never had a chance,
Was at least to compete in life's wonderful dance.
Favorite stana--quit expressive:
Sharp bladed knives, these thoughts shred my mind,
Tears fall like hard rain with rivers to find.
Spiraling downwards, falling so fast,
Quicker and quicker now, back to my past.
Love,
rd
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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Aw, thanks for the mention in your notes--that's nice of you.
Glad to see you psoted this--it's an emotionally charged write and has such a nice ending...
I think this flows much smoother...well done!
Two more tiny spag suggestions (optional) :
You thought I was coping,(;) you weren't to know.
All I ever wanted(,) but never had a chance,
Was at least to compete in life's wonderful dance.
Favorite stana--quit expressive:
Sharp bladed knives, these thoughts shred my mind,
Tears fall like hard rain with rivers to find.
Spiraling downwards, falling so fast,
Quicker and quicker now, back to my past.
Love,
rd
Comment Written 30-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2012
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Rama it does indeed flow smoother. Thanks for your help and very kind critique. You are a special person. :) Jaq x
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AW, thanks Jaq. So are you. xx(OO)xx rd
Comment from Dodey
Bravo I love this story/poem told in great rhyming couplets,
Good clear imagery all through and a wonderful flow to your words in the reading.. the repeat rhyming couplet separating each stanza enhanced the work even more.. has the making of a song...A pleasure to read and review...
Dee.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2012
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Bravo I love this story/poem told in great rhyming couplets,
Good clear imagery all through and a wonderful flow to your words in the reading.. the repeat rhyming couplet separating each stanza enhanced the work even more.. has the making of a song...A pleasure to read and review...
Dee.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much Dodey your review is very much appreciated. :) Jaq x
Comment from hollyinvesuvianite
This is a beautiful and sad piece of work. It flowed very nicely, had some wonderful alliteration and great aabb rhyming quatrains. This actually happened to my mother, so i can relate to the sadness seeing her so sad. Great work! Holly
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2012
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This is a beautiful and sad piece of work. It flowed very nicely, had some wonderful alliteration and great aabb rhyming quatrains. This actually happened to my mother, so i can relate to the sadness seeing her so sad. Great work! Holly
Comment Written 29-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2012
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Aw Holly God bless your mum. It's hard to feel this way Jaq x
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It is. Thank you. Holly
Comment from c_lucas
There is a time when frustration and depression takes control and all one wants to do is to exit Life Stage Left. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2012
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There is a time when frustration and depression takes control and all one wants to do is to exit Life Stage Left. This is very well written.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much. You do indeed feel that way at times. :) Jaq x
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You're welcome.
