My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 205 "Conditioned Love."All of my poems of release.
6 total reviews
Comment from elliejean
I lover the story.It shows how love can go wrong. I don't think the man ever knew love. He just fed off of other peoples emotions. Great work.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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I lover the story.It shows how love can go wrong. I don't think the man ever knew love. He just fed off of other peoples emotions. Great work.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Thank you for your kind words, I had hoped the fact that he was emotionless would show through.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this story about the honesty that was not received very well. i wish you the best ofl uck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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this is very well written, mystery writer, you did a great job writing this story about the honesty that was not received very well. i wish you the best ofl uck in the contest.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2012
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Many thanks for your great review and your best wishes.
Comment from Crystal Carey
Great job, especially for a first story. It is quite the read, I really like how she tried to put the bad things off. I hope she finds an escape from her personal prison!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Great job, especially for a first story. It is quite the read, I really like how she tried to put the bad things off. I hope she finds an escape from her personal prison!
Comment Written 08-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind appraisal.
Comment from Craigitar
Well written! Very descriptive with good imagery. Several great lines: "We were scrubbed to within an inch of our lives." and: "Gently gliding over my fragile self-esteem..." Good solid writing. I especially liked that you used the first sentence again to tie up the story. Nice twist--I thought I was reading a murder/prison story right up until the end. Great job. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Well written! Very descriptive with good imagery. Several great lines: "We were scrubbed to within an inch of our lives." and: "Gently gliding over my fragile self-esteem..." Good solid writing. I especially liked that you used the first sentence again to tie up the story. Nice twist--I thought I was reading a murder/prison story right up until the end. Great job. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 08-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much for your kind words.
Comment from jjstar
Okay, actually this was a very good story with some seriously excellent imagery and the ability to suck readers in. It caused me to go back to another time...the only problem was that it was full of conventions errors, which I would go back and fix up quickly.
smell of mould ==spelling? British?? mold?
wanted to get on my knees and pray, ==think I would make that a period.
family were marched ==was marched
Scrubbed to within and inch of our lives==sentence fragment
the internet, ==sounds like a sentence
He sucked you in, made you believe in him==do you mean he sucked YOU==meaning sucked me in?
self-esteem and, ==incorrectly placed comma
In no time at all==introductory phrase needs a comma
For a few wonderful months, (insert comma)
Lambasted for past reltaionships.==sentence fragment and relationships...(sp)
In my warped mind, (insert comma)
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Okay, actually this was a very good story with some seriously excellent imagery and the ability to suck readers in. It caused me to go back to another time...the only problem was that it was full of conventions errors, which I would go back and fix up quickly.
smell of mould ==spelling? British?? mold?
wanted to get on my knees and pray, ==think I would make that a period.
family were marched ==was marched
Scrubbed to within and inch of our lives==sentence fragment
the internet, ==sounds like a sentence
He sucked you in, made you believe in him==do you mean he sucked YOU==meaning sucked me in?
self-esteem and, ==incorrectly placed comma
In no time at all==introductory phrase needs a comma
For a few wonderful months, (insert comma)
Lambasted for past reltaionships.==sentence fragment and relationships...(sp)
In my warped mind, (insert comma)
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Thank you so much for your critique I will go back and sort it. I am VERY rusty with my grammar and need all the help I can get. Mould is indeed the British spelling.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good warning ... private stuff must remain private. You never can really know another person in a year or less... often a decade. So caution is needed above all. Scary ending, for sure! Glad this is all fiction!
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Good warning ... private stuff must remain private. You never can really know another person in a year or less... often a decade. So caution is needed above all. Scary ending, for sure! Glad this is all fiction!
Comment Written 07-Sep-2012
reply by the author on 08-Sep-2012
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Thank you for taking the time to read and appraise, Much appreciated.
