My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "On-line Predator"All of my poems of release.
10 total reviews
Comment from lorijean
Excellent poem, well done, it is part and parcel of being on the internet that these types will crop up and try and do their worst, but yes shout it out if you find one....
reply by the author on 09-May-2013
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Excellent poem, well done, it is part and parcel of being on the internet that these types will crop up and try and do their worst, but yes shout it out if you find one....
Comment Written 09-May-2013
reply by the author on 09-May-2013
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Thanks Lorijean, the world wide web is a scary place if you get caught up with the wrong people. If you have an open and trusting heart you are there for the taking. Jaq xxx
Comment from barkingdog
Your poem about on-line predators is a very good one with fine rhyme and even tempo. We all need to be aware of how vulnerable we are and ho easy it is to let our guard down on-line where as in a face to face situation we follow our instincts. Not seeing them we tend to fill in the blanks inappropriately.
This really struck home:
They have you drawn in, in innocuous ways,
a word, a picture or even a cute phrase.
Whatever it is, it will mean something to you,
you let them in your life, they then slither right through.
reply by the author on 08-May-2013
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Your poem about on-line predators is a very good one with fine rhyme and even tempo. We all need to be aware of how vulnerable we are and ho easy it is to let our guard down on-line where as in a face to face situation we follow our instincts. Not seeing them we tend to fill in the blanks inappropriately.
This really struck home:
They have you drawn in, in innocuous ways,
a word, a picture or even a cute phrase.
Whatever it is, it will mean something to you,
you let them in your life, they then slither right through.
Comment Written 08-May-2013
reply by the author on 08-May-2013
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Thank you very much bd for your wonderful review. :) Jaq xx
Comment from Dean Kuch
It's so hard to trust anyone these days, much less an anonymous entity over the internet.
This is a great piece with a valid warning. It's rhyming scheme is very good, and the way it is written makes it easy to read and understand for young and old alike. I think that's an important attribute given this poems all too real subject matter...
reply by the author on 08-May-2013
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It's so hard to trust anyone these days, much less an anonymous entity over the internet.
This is a great piece with a valid warning. It's rhyming scheme is very good, and the way it is written makes it easy to read and understand for young and old alike. I think that's an important attribute given this poems all too real subject matter...
Comment Written 08-May-2013
reply by the author on 08-May-2013
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Yes Dean, if it makes at least one person think then it's worth posting. Thanks for your great review. :) Jaq xx
Comment from ClaireGrace
This is very cleverly written and it's a very important/relevant message you put out there, the internet can be a very dangerous place for the young or naive in today's world, 5* :D
reply by the author on 08-May-2013
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This is very cleverly written and it's a very important/relevant message you put out there, the internet can be a very dangerous place for the young or naive in today's world, 5* :D
Comment Written 08-May-2013
reply by the author on 08-May-2013
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Thanks so much Claire, also for the not so young and gullible ;-).
Your review is appreciated. xx Jaq
Comment from Indie Skreet
excellent message in here Jaq and a damned shame so few reads on this one. I stay away from internet dating, though I did go out with five creeps in two weeks on a dating site. Battery operated are so less complicated lol xx
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
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excellent message in here Jaq and a damned shame so few reads on this one. I stay away from internet dating, though I did go out with five creeps in two weeks on a dating site. Battery operated are so less complicated lol xx
Comment Written 18-Mar-2013
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2013
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I hear you girlie. Do what you want, when you want and don't give you grief. ;-) LOL xxx
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yeah, hope the neighbour don't lol xx
Comment from Eliza M
Wow! This one conveys a very powerful message and warning. It would appear that this is from personal experience which gives it even more impact, along with very well chosen artwork.
God rhyming couplets are sustained well throughout. Loses its natural rhythm in line 16- too many syllables-, but I'm sure you can tweeak that!
Some very effective word choices, 'guises' 'slither''innocuous'.
Very powerful ending! Well done. Liz.
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Wow! This one conveys a very powerful message and warning. It would appear that this is from personal experience which gives it even more impact, along with very well chosen artwork.
God rhyming couplets are sustained well throughout. Loses its natural rhythm in line 16- too many syllables-, but I'm sure you can tweeak that!
Some very effective word choices, 'guises' 'slither''innocuous'.
Very powerful ending! Well done. Liz.
Comment Written 12-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much once again Liz. Yeah I knew something wasn't quite right in places and I will revisit a few of mine when I learn how to edit properly. Things have been going out before I meant them to, but with this I needed it pointed out to be honest. :) This learning curve is ever greater. Thanks for being part of it. Jaq x
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By the way Liz, yes from personal experience indeed. x
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Its my pleasure Jaq. I love it when people point things out to help me improve and I got the feeling you were of the same ilk!LOL! Not an expert, but happy to help where I can.Liz.x
Comment from MizKat
Jaq Cee - Your poem is written well and tells a sad story about someone can fool another. Or is it 'makes a fool' of the other person. I think we've all been there. Kat
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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Jaq Cee - Your poem is written well and tells a sad story about someone can fool another. Or is it 'makes a fool' of the other person. I think we've all been there. Kat
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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MizKat totally!! A lot of us have been there, thanks for your appraisal Jaq xx
Comment from Pen&Ink
Some clever rhyming, but the rhythm is uneven in many sections. The sentiment is honest and the message clear. Here is one flaw I noticed right off:
"You don't hear you(r) friends..."
A great beginning.
Ray
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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Some clever rhyming, but the rhythm is uneven in many sections. The sentiment is honest and the message clear. Here is one flaw I noticed right off:
"You don't hear you(r) friends..."
A great beginning.
Ray
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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Ahhhh I should learn to proof read my stuff :(. Thank you for your critique x Jaq
Comment from Deejharrington
A wise and timely warning. I almost "fell" for one right here on FS! But, a little voice stopped me before I made what might have been a fatal mistake. Then, I confided in one very good friend. He advised me and I got myself out before it was too late. These predators are everywhere.
djs
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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A wise and timely warning. I almost "fell" for one right here on FS! But, a little voice stopped me before I made what might have been a fatal mistake. Then, I confided in one very good friend. He advised me and I got myself out before it was too late. These predators are everywhere.
djs
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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So glad you were stopped before it was too bad. These predators are everywhere, unfortunately. Jaq xx
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me, too. I think he's off the site now.
deb
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Good I'm glad xx
Comment from rushingwater
Now this was interesting as you draw so many different thoughts about a predator that they can be clever in any form. I love the picture as well. Great use of aabb rhyme that didn't feel forced. Good job!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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Now this was interesting as you draw so many different thoughts about a predator that they can be clever in any form. I love the picture as well. Great use of aabb rhyme that didn't feel forced. Good job!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2012
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Thank you so much rushingwater. I am quite new to FS so any critique is greatly appreciated. Jaq x
