My Life in words
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Depression"All of my poems of release.
7 total reviews
Comment from Eliza M
This one resonates with me LOUDLY, through each and every line.You express vividly so many aspects and effects of this crippling illness with great insight. I always err on the side of caution when making suggestions on very personal pieces because I don't want to interfere with the writers intention or the essence of the poem. from a technical point of view however, there are places where it loses it flow/rhythm and it might be worth reading it aloud to feel and hear these breaks in fluidity. Often it is just a case of 1 syllable too many or too few and adjusting it can make so much difference to the overal piece. Hope you don't mind me mentioning that, its just a personal observation that might help improve the flow in this case.
Some great imagery andd phrases. I love 'chasing lost thoughts', know just what that feels like. Liz.x
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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This one resonates with me LOUDLY, through each and every line.You express vividly so many aspects and effects of this crippling illness with great insight. I always err on the side of caution when making suggestions on very personal pieces because I don't want to interfere with the writers intention or the essence of the poem. from a technical point of view however, there are places where it loses it flow/rhythm and it might be worth reading it aloud to feel and hear these breaks in fluidity. Often it is just a case of 1 syllable too many or too few and adjusting it can make so much difference to the overal piece. Hope you don't mind me mentioning that, its just a personal observation that might help improve the flow in this case.
Some great imagery andd phrases. I love 'chasing lost thoughts', know just what that feels like. Liz.x
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Any criticism greatly appreciated. I know I have lots to learn as yet, and hope to from the feedback and comments I receive on here. Jaq x
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I always welcome kind constuctive critisism too, when its genuine and well intentioned. I want to learn and improve.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes you have done well with this poem I have suffered with this illness terribly and I think I have got through it but only time will tell if you understand my meaning well done on this write making the readers aware regards Jill
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Yes you have done well with this poem I have suffered with this illness terribly and I think I have got through it but only time will tell if you understand my meaning well done on this write making the readers aware regards Jill
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Thank you Jill. A lot of people suffer from this and it is a horrible, horrible illness. I hope you have emerged from the darkness. Jaq x
Comment from Linda England Bonam
This was a great poem, that I could totally relate to. I am on two different meds for depression and have felt like this poem many times over. Awesome writing, and thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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This was a great poem, that I could totally relate to. I am on two different meds for depression and have felt like this poem many times over. Awesome writing, and thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Thank you I'm glad it made sense :) Jaq x
Comment from terry drake
Your message is an interesting observation on depression that affects many individuals world wide. Your poem has well selected rhymes but lacks a meter count or rhythm to present your work.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Your message is an interesting observation on depression that affects many individuals world wide. Your poem has well selected rhymes but lacks a meter count or rhythm to present your work.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Hi Terry thanks for that. I am new to this and not sure what meter count is or how to achieve it. Any pointers would be gratefully appreciated. Jaq x
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Each line should have the same number of syllables or have a reason why it does not.
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Thanks you for the explanation. It's funny sometimes I have read a poem back and I couldn't put my finger on what was wrong. i think that may have been it. Jaq
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The one I've just posted 'Life Stealer' may have the same problem as the last one. I will have to review any more I have before I post them. Thanks again for your appraisal. Jaq
Comment from anabellapongasi
Very descriptive piece on depression. Good rhymes in couplets. This piece effectively describes what depression is like and how it affects a person. I guess we all experience such feelings in various forms and degrees from various trigger causes. Writing is a good therapy.
Anabella
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Very descriptive piece on depression. Good rhymes in couplets. This piece effectively describes what depression is like and how it affects a person. I guess we all experience such feelings in various forms and degrees from various trigger causes. Writing is a good therapy.
Anabella
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Thanks Anabella. That was the reason I started writing. Once it was out of my head it was easier to deal with. Jaq x
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I'm glad to hear that. Warm welcome to Fanstory!
Anabella
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Thank you :) x
Comment from zlp22
Very good, writing is good for depression. Word flow kept me interested, I read alot about depression, I don't think a cure is possible, it is something we have to cope with. Take care.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Very good, writing is good for depression. Word flow kept me interested, I read alot about depression, I don't think a cure is possible, it is something we have to cope with. Take care.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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Writing certainly helps as I said on Tortured Soul. Thank you so much for taking the time to read them. Jaq x
Comment from Melspoems
You are not alone, I suffer with it too, and can very much relate to the feelings expressed in this and your last poem.
Writing has helped me a lot. I hope it helps you too.
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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You are not alone, I suffer with it too, and can very much relate to the feelings expressed in this and your last poem.
Writing has helped me a lot. I hope it helps you too.
Comment Written 06-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 06-Aug-2012
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It certainly does Melspoems. Thanks again for the feedback. Jaq x
