Mike Radshaw and the Black Dawn
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Psychic Psychotic - BD3"The grim reaper casts his pall over London
24 total reviews
Comment from Cindy Warren
I know this may sound like a dumb question, but where are the angels? Why are they not protecting their own baby? If it were my baby, Radshaw would not be alone in trying to get him back. I'd tear the devil himself apart with my fingernails if he had my baby.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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I know this may sound like a dumb question, but where are the angels? Why are they not protecting their own baby? If it were my baby, Radshaw would not be alone in trying to get him back. I'd tear the devil himself apart with my fingernails if he had my baby.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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It's not a dumb question at all :-). Perhaps the next few installments will bring some answers!
Mike
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Barbed wire enema - YIKES!!! Neat little juxtaposition: Bill Posters versus a guy named Bill Posters.
I love your use of familiar terms throughout your writings. I think I mentioned it once before, but it brings it more in perspective, Things like Roger Moore, Vulcan, Rocky Horror Show, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and so on. You use them very skillfully.
Several Considerations:
Para 8, 2nd sentence: (street lights) should be (streetlights) one word.
Para 9, 5th sentence: Add comma after (saying) commas before quotations.
Para 11, 6th sentence: (muppet) should be (Muppet) Branded name
After first *****
Para 3, 1st sentence: (any more) should be (anymore) one word
Para 11, 2nd sentence: (forty six) should be (forty-six) hyphenated
Para 35, 2nd sentence: (trying) should be (try)
Para 46, 1st sentence: CONSIDER (were) instead of (was)
Para 47, 1st sentence: (nine year-olds) should be (nine-year-olds) hyphen between (nine) and (year)
Para 48, 6th sentence: (millenium) should be (millennium) double "n" like you did in Para 51, 3rd sentence.
Para 52, 1st sentence: (table top) should be (tabletop) one word.
Para 55, 3rd sentence: You say (I smacked my hand down on the desk) but Quantum's hands (crunched even tighter on my wrists) conflict.
First girlfriend, clitoris, you broach any subject don't you.
Whew, not only long but intense. So many different scenarios, so much going on, I would like to look into your mind sometime. This is a monstrous saga. It just keeps getting deeper and deeper. Have you written it all out in your head already? Is there an end? Is there a "Happy Ending?"
Excellent story. The content of this post practically erases all the effects of any SPAG I may have written. The story is so interwoven and complete as to pale my meager observations, so you still get a five-star.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Barbed wire enema - YIKES!!! Neat little juxtaposition: Bill Posters versus a guy named Bill Posters.
I love your use of familiar terms throughout your writings. I think I mentioned it once before, but it brings it more in perspective, Things like Roger Moore, Vulcan, Rocky Horror Show, Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives, and so on. You use them very skillfully.
Several Considerations:
Para 8, 2nd sentence: (street lights) should be (streetlights) one word.
Para 9, 5th sentence: Add comma after (saying) commas before quotations.
Para 11, 6th sentence: (muppet) should be (Muppet) Branded name
After first *****
Para 3, 1st sentence: (any more) should be (anymore) one word
Para 11, 2nd sentence: (forty six) should be (forty-six) hyphenated
Para 35, 2nd sentence: (trying) should be (try)
Para 46, 1st sentence: CONSIDER (were) instead of (was)
Para 47, 1st sentence: (nine year-olds) should be (nine-year-olds) hyphen between (nine) and (year)
Para 48, 6th sentence: (millenium) should be (millennium) double "n" like you did in Para 51, 3rd sentence.
Para 52, 1st sentence: (table top) should be (tabletop) one word.
Para 55, 3rd sentence: You say (I smacked my hand down on the desk) but Quantum's hands (crunched even tighter on my wrists) conflict.
First girlfriend, clitoris, you broach any subject don't you.
Whew, not only long but intense. So many different scenarios, so much going on, I would like to look into your mind sometime. This is a monstrous saga. It just keeps getting deeper and deeper. Have you written it all out in your head already? Is there an end? Is there a "Happy Ending?"
Excellent story. The content of this post practically erases all the effects of any SPAG I may have written. The story is so interwoven and complete as to pale my meager observations, so you still get a five-star.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much, Gary :-). There is an ending - I'll confirm that. You'll need to read it to decide whether it's happy, of course!
Mike
Comment from Michaela Moore
This type of story is not my cup of tea, but even so, you are, as always, a master writer. You leave no stone unturned when writing. You were born to write. Students for years to come should be studying you. I am in awe that we are writing friends on this site.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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This type of story is not my cup of tea, but even so, you are, as always, a master writer. You leave no stone unturned when writing. You were born to write. Students for years to come should be studying you. I am in awe that we are writing friends on this site.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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It really bigs me that Horror and Thriller are lumped together, because I see them as completely different - in a thriller, violence serves the plot, whereas in horror, the plot serves the violence. That said, this story is pretty intense so I totally get it! I enjoyed reading your interview with Rachelle :-)
Mike
Comment from lyenochka
Actually, I liked this chapter better than the last. I liked how Mike outsmarted the gypsy who took over Quantum's body by not complying with horror vibes to feed her but by showing acts of kindness that caused her to comply with his wishes to find the baby. Hope he succeeds!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Actually, I liked this chapter better than the last. I liked how Mike outsmarted the gypsy who took over Quantum's body by not complying with horror vibes to feed her but by showing acts of kindness that caused her to comply with his wishes to find the baby. Hope he succeeds!
Comment Written 10-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thank you :-). I'd been wondering as I wrote it, what did he have left to fight her with, in her position? And suddenly it was obvious - give her a taste of what she does, but in a mirror!
Mike
Comment from royowen
You really have applied the thought to the spiritual wars going one, in fact scripture talks of the battles are really fought in the heavenlies, and man is a mere pawn in the evil's hands of Satan and his demons, so, in a sense you're touching on this. This is beautifully written, clever you blessings Roy
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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You really have applied the thought to the spiritual wars going one, in fact scripture talks of the battles are really fought in the heavenlies, and man is a mere pawn in the evil's hands of Satan and his demons, so, in a sense you're touching on this. This is beautifully written, clever you blessings Roy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thanks so much, Roy. I realise I'm playing with religious imagery so I'm glad it's not on an offensive manner.
Mike
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Nah, I?ve spent 41 years as a non-Christian, some of that as an atheist Mike, my endeavour is not to judge, otherwise I?d be in trouble,
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Thanks Roy :-)
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Welcome
Comment from Jay Squires
This is a thriller with depth. A lesser writer would have stopped with the summoned force's desires being assuaged (no that's not the word) by Radshaw's admission of a sadistic bent. A lesser writer wouldn't have searched out the almost Jungian opposite and have Radshaw see that his admission of wholesome thoughts has the deeper impact. Damn! Good stuff here, Mike!
What you know, even if you won't admit it, is that power must be used. Otherwise, it's just a bomber without a pilot, sapping your resources without even trying to make a difference." [A dark truth lingers in your words, Mike]
And still you resist finding a publisher for this! Man!
Jay
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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This is a thriller with depth. A lesser writer would have stopped with the summoned force's desires being assuaged (no that's not the word) by Radshaw's admission of a sadistic bent. A lesser writer wouldn't have searched out the almost Jungian opposite and have Radshaw see that his admission of wholesome thoughts has the deeper impact. Damn! Good stuff here, Mike!
What you know, even if you won't admit it, is that power must be used. Otherwise, it's just a bomber without a pilot, sapping your resources without even trying to make a difference." [A dark truth lingers in your words, Mike]
And still you resist finding a publisher for this! Man!
Jay
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thank you, Jay :-). Assuaged works for me, although slaked is always handy for more visceral scenarios!
Perhaps it is time to look for a publisher. The self-catering route is fun but ultimately fruitless (unless you're incredibly lucky or good at viral marketing).
Mike
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is wonderful. You don't care about six star ratings, but you are right. You should be aiming higher, much higher. You mix humour and horror with a cutting spoon. It's a delight to me. Kate xx Note, half way through the crone called him Mike. And I wondered how much of you is in Mike Radshaw. You will say I have an even more evil mind than you do. But I wonder.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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This is wonderful. You don't care about six star ratings, but you are right. You should be aiming higher, much higher. You mix humour and horror with a cutting spoon. It's a delight to me. Kate xx Note, half way through the crone called him Mike. And I wondered how much of you is in Mike Radshaw. You will say I have an even more evil mind than you do. But I wonder.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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When I wrote the first story with this character, my oldest friend told me he thought there was a lot of me in Mike Radshaw. He's perhaps the fullest extend of me - if I wasn't shy or polite or worried what anyone else thinks lol. I'm so glad you're enjoying this, Kate :-)
Mike
Comment from John Ciarmello
Oh my goodness! I can't express how much I enjoyed this chapter without giving you a SIX for verification. It took me to places I didn't particularly want to be. I forgot where I was when reading the séance scene, Mike. I know some people don't like my reviews because I sound over the top, but I have to tell you, when I get excited about a piece, the author will always know whether they like it or not! Lol. Good god, man, that was excellent!
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Oh my goodness! I can't express how much I enjoyed this chapter without giving you a SIX for verification. It took me to places I didn't particularly want to be. I forgot where I was when reading the séance scene, Mike. I know some people don't like my reviews because I sound over the top, but I have to tell you, when I get excited about a piece, the author will always know whether they like it or not! Lol. Good god, man, that was excellent!
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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I love that you say how much you enjoy things, John, and that kind of encouragement is as helpful to me as intricate corrections. I need to know my stuff is entertaining, otherwise I'm wasting my time, lol :-)
Mike
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You had my last six, this story demands one for every chapter. I wonder what the gypsy told him, obviously something more heinous than anything he's done before.
Some of Mike's metaphors were hillarious! I especially loved the tenderizer one, that was brilliant! Well done again, Mike, this was another fabulous chapter. :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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You had my last six, this story demands one for every chapter. I wonder what the gypsy told him, obviously something more heinous than anything he's done before.
Some of Mike's metaphors were hillarious! I especially loved the tenderizer one, that was brilliant! Well done again, Mike, this was another fabulous chapter. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Lol, thanks so much, Sandra. I'm thrilled you're enjoying it! Congrats on the book of the month win by the way :-)
Mike
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Again, very nicely written. Great imagery. You allow the reader to exercise every sense. And once, again, great metaphors and analogies. (the war on cliches)
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Again, very nicely written. Great imagery. You allow the reader to exercise every sense. And once, again, great metaphors and analogies. (the war on cliches)
Best wishes.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thanks, Wayne. I'll keep war on cliches in mind to try and stay on track :-)
Mike
