Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 69 "part five, Chapter 20"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from NaughtieScribe
Anna is genuinely blessed to have such a caring and supportive group around her. Most often women in her situation are utterly alone, even if they manage to successfully get out of the abusive situation.
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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Anna is genuinely blessed to have such a caring and supportive group around her. Most often women in her situation are utterly alone, even if they manage to successfully get out of the abusive situation.
Comment Written 04-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2012
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You are so right, but I had to end it on a positive note. Thank you for your insight.
Comment from Sloegin
YOu always do a good job with your dialogue and this is no exception.
Some changes I would recommend: "Troy and Paul entered Anna's room, but Anna hadn't returned from the tests." to "Troy and Paul waited in Anna's room for her to return from her tests."
"the bad memory" take out BAD.
"when he heard noises outside" What kind of noises?
"After she indicated she would" to "she nodded she would"
"I'm not sure Anna needs to hear this" You just said she was asleep.
"I guess it's settled." Anna sighed. to "Anna smiled painfully, sighed and said, "I guess it's settled."
Sloegin
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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YOu always do a good job with your dialogue and this is no exception.
Some changes I would recommend: "Troy and Paul entered Anna's room, but Anna hadn't returned from the tests." to "Troy and Paul waited in Anna's room for her to return from her tests."
"the bad memory" take out BAD.
"when he heard noises outside" What kind of noises?
"After she indicated she would" to "she nodded she would"
"I'm not sure Anna needs to hear this" You just said she was asleep.
"I guess it's settled." Anna sighed. to "Anna smiled painfully, sighed and said, "I guess it's settled."
Sloegin
Comment Written 07-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your suggestions. I will get right on them.
Comment from jhp124gr
Very nice, again another great chapter. A scene played out in many hospitals around the world. Great dialogue to capture the reads imagination to recall their own experiences. What is next for Anna when she leaves the hospital. Time will tell. Enjoyed the chapter. Good Job.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Very nice, again another great chapter. A scene played out in many hospitals around the world. Great dialogue to capture the reads imagination to recall their own experiences. What is next for Anna when she leaves the hospital. Time will tell. Enjoyed the chapter. Good Job.
Comment Written 07-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
barbara:
Even after almost ten years of intensive therapy with a
wonderful Christian psychologist, there are still parts
of my childhood I cannot remember. The parts I can remember
are bad enough so I believe God is protecting me from the
rest. I'm in no way surprised Anna chooses, if that is the
case, not to remember what happened to her.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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barbara:
Even after almost ten years of intensive therapy with a
wonderful Christian psychologist, there are still parts
of my childhood I cannot remember. The parts I can remember
are bad enough so I believe God is protecting me from the
rest. I'm in no way surprised Anna chooses, if that is the
case, not to remember what happened to her.
thanks for sharing
love,
jan
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2012
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Thank you for your insight and comment. I appreciate it.
Comment from Mishelly
It's great to see Anna is almost well enough to go home. I'm very interested to see if her memory comes back, and how she is going to handle that. You've written another great post. The dialogue is very fresh and natural, and it's obvious how close the family is. I look forward to reading more of your wonderful story.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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It's great to see Anna is almost well enough to go home. I'm very interested to see if her memory comes back, and how she is going to handle that. You've written another great post. The dialogue is very fresh and natural, and it's obvious how close the family is. I look forward to reading more of your wonderful story.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Nanashirley
I like the story and the way you have developed. I just moved and had hip transplant but I hope to catch up soon. I think she is a lucky girl.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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I like the story and the way you have developed. I just moved and had hip transplant but I hope to catch up soon. I think she is a lucky girl.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I hope you are doing well. You're in my prayers.
Comment from Taurean Monkey
Your chapter reads and flows well. I actually visualised and was in the hospital room - I think it was the food that tempted me! You tell the story of your characters well. Writing about domestic abuse and repressed memory isn't easy, but you've done this well.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Your chapter reads and flows well. I actually visualised and was in the hospital room - I think it was the food that tempted me! You tell the story of your characters well. Writing about domestic abuse and repressed memory isn't easy, but you've done this well.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara, kind regards, TM
Comment from clumsyninja
I like this piece of writing but I am a big fan of how people react in their thoughts. This piece seems to come after a terrible violent act but I feel a little detached from the character's emotions. I think one or two lines fleshing this out would be the icing on the cake. You have a nice narration and flow to you work. Good job
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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I like this piece of writing but I am a big fan of how people react in their thoughts. This piece seems to come after a terrible violent act but I feel a little detached from the character's emotions. I think one or two lines fleshing this out would be the icing on the cake. You have a nice narration and flow to you work. Good job
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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I am sorry that not every word of a 2631 word chapter didn't have passion and action. This post is only 700 words of that chapter. Thank you.
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Not every word didn't have passion... Double negative :) I was not saying that either. Just thought from the piece I was given that if you allowed your characters to express their thoughts it would encourage more empathy.
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I can't have all the characters express their thouhts because then I have a POV issue. I just reread my post. Most of the time we are in Troy's POV. I feel he was fairly honest about his feelings for Anna. I need to keep Troy in character and he's not going to be over emotional. He's a typical male. As for the picnic, again, this scene only lasted a few minutes, and they got the information they needed from it. I don't think there is a lot of emotion to be gotten from it.
Comment from CHAPTER2
Even though I haven't read any other chapters I was drawn into the story
and wonder how soon Anna will recover her memory and what effect
this will have on her. The domestic abuse problem is important and
should be featured in realistic stories. I will check into the rest of this
story and good luck finishing your book.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Even though I haven't read any other chapters I was drawn into the story
and wonder how soon Anna will recover her memory and what effect
this will have on her. The domestic abuse problem is important and
should be featured in realistic stories. I will check into the rest of this
story and good luck finishing your book.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from MizKat
As always your book chapter is wonderful, Barbara. I love reading them because you're a great writer and make them so interesting. Bravo!! Kat
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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As always your book chapter is wonderful, Barbara. I love reading them because you're a great writer and make them so interesting. Bravo!! Kat
Comment Written 06-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
