Comment from G.B. Smith

Excellent

Hey there Ine
This is well written and one can feel the longing for love in the lyrics. You made me think of an old Beatles song: I say Hello. It made my insides feel warm
Bear

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012

Thanks so much for your generous review. Have a lovely Sunday, Ine. Yes they had a song that went quite different though.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I enjoyed your song lyrics--I hope you set them to music--I've written several sets, but I can't write music, so they just sit in files or on FS. I liked the mood with the in's and out's of love, along with your use of the "party" and "sunny day" metaphors and their repeats. -Joan

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2012

Thanks so much for your generous review. Have a good weekend, Ine. No way I can compose music Joan.

Comment from AprilShower

Excellent

Hi, Ine. This is rather sad. Pride ruins many friendships. Apparently, this person refuses to even say, hello. This would hurt.

I have one small suggestion below:

I couldn't stop me(,) if you want to,

The comma makes a difference.

:o) April

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012

anks so much for your generous review. Have a good weekend, Ine. Will check, thanks.

reply by AprilShower on 17-Mar-2012

You're welcome, Ine.

reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012

Did change with the comma, thanks.

Comment from October21

Excellent

This is a wonderful poem that expresses a love so deep and passionate that even a long time apart can not kill. This type of unconditional love is nice to read and write about. I enjoyed reading this beautiful piece of poetry!

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012

Thanks so much for your generous review. Have a lovely weekend and take care, Ine

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

Yes, this could certainly be sung. It has a nice chorus-type feel to it. I like the repeating line - very catchy. Also some wisdom in this poem - well written, Ine. Great job.

Av
x

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012

Thanks for reading and your kind review. Love and have a great weekend, Ine

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Hello Robina so you are into writing song Lyrics .
I know of one artist tht I love to hear is Neil diamond (when he sings I just called to say hello)
Smiles
Gert

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 17-Mar-2012

Thanks for reading and your kind review. Love and have a great weekend, Ine

Comment from MumEsGirl

Excellent

Ine this would make a teriffic song. Really lively beat in the words.

The lyrics are excellent making for an overall thoroughly enjoyable read
hugs
kate

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012

Thanks for reading and your kind review. Love and take care, Ine

Comment from Espresso momma

Excellent

I really liked this and wish I heard the music to it. I'll bet it sounds great. Loved the meter and rhyme too. Thanks for sharing this nice piece.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012

Thanks for reading and your kind review. Love and take care, Ine

Comment from Janie King

Excellent

I've never tried doing song lyrics..this is very interesting and obviously a song about a broken love affair of broken marriage.. Good job. God bless.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012

Thanks for reading and your kind review. Love and take care, Ine

Comment from Maureen's Pen

Excellent

This was great Ine, I enjoyed it. Very lyrical indeed and also filled with wisdom.

Life is what me bring to it, I thought you did an excellent job of pulling in your reader. Lovely from beginning to end.
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2012

Thanks for reading and your kind review. Love and take care, Ine