Pierce My Heart
Spiritual Song Lyrics40 total reviews
Comment from Piggies Grandma
I enjoyed reading your poem very much, it is cleverly written and very well thought out, Writingfundimension. I especially liked the refrain. Smiling is contagious.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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I enjoyed reading your poem very much, it is cleverly written and very well thought out, Writingfundimension. I especially liked the refrain. Smiling is contagious.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Thank you, Piggies Grandma. I so appreciate you taking time to read my song/poem and send along such a gracious review. Warm blessings, Bev
Comment from robina1978
I admire your first, this can't have been an easy write. But to me it sounds as if it could be sung. Loved the artwork especially and the refrain. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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I admire your first, this can't have been an easy write. But to me it sounds as if it could be sung. Loved the artwork especially and the refrain. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Hi, Ine. Thanks so much for your taking time to read my song/poem. I really appreciate the support and good thoughts. Kind regards, Bev
Comment from mountainwriter49
Hi Bev,
This is different from what I've seen you write before,
and I like it a lot! The poem has an edge to it, as well
as a sense of grace. i like the contrast and feel. This
is a thinker poem and one I enjoyed tonight. Thanks for
sharing.
Ray
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Hi Bev,
This is different from what I've seen you write before,
and I like it a lot! The poem has an edge to it, as well
as a sense of grace. i like the contrast and feel. This
is a thinker poem and one I enjoyed tonight. Thanks for
sharing.
Ray
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Hi, Ray. Thanks so much for this gracious and supportive review. It is different for me, but I'm finding myself gravitating in a new direction with poetry and may try this again. You are most kind to let me know what you liked about the song/poem. That is always helpful. Heart Blessings, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
I really like your refrain and that it came from a smile in your rear-view mirror makes it even more special.It has a very hopeful positive energy with good tempo and rhyme. It stands as an excellent contrast to the beginning of song and compliments the end stanza that I love
.
You have several nice alliterations that work well in a song:
-dead dreams
-sunlight streamin' send
-father's fed
-wasn't wrong
-he hopes he
-send a sign
I love this line:
he hopes he finds the way
to the maker of the dance
and the holder of the key.
and this:
Send a sign
this trav'ler will heed.
Be it a note that's sung
or a whisper
at the bottom of a wind -
WOW--a whisper at the bottom of the wind. Beautiful, lyrical, gave me goose bumps.
Great song! and it's your first?
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
|
I really like your refrain and that it came from a smile in your rear-view mirror makes it even more special.It has a very hopeful positive energy with good tempo and rhyme. It stands as an excellent contrast to the beginning of song and compliments the end stanza that I love
.
You have several nice alliterations that work well in a song:
-dead dreams
-sunlight streamin' send
-father's fed
-wasn't wrong
-he hopes he
-send a sign
I love this line:
he hopes he finds the way
to the maker of the dance
and the holder of the key.
and this:
Send a sign
this trav'ler will heed.
Be it a note that's sung
or a whisper
at the bottom of a wind -
WOW--a whisper at the bottom of the wind. Beautiful, lyrical, gave me goose bumps.
Great song! and it's your first?
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 11-Nov-2011
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Thank you so very much, ellen. This is a terrific review that you have very thoughtfully put together. It helps so much when a reviewer takes so much time to let me know what works and what needs tweeking. You have put a big old smile on my face, today; and given me the courage to try this again! Heart Blessings, Bev
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It was my pleasure, Bev:)ellen
Comment from zwrite1
I think that is just fantastic. I love your inspiration (both the stranger and the scripture) and where you took it and kept it modern and relevant to our lives. Truly inspired work here.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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I think that is just fantastic. I love your inspiration (both the stranger and the scripture) and where you took it and kept it modern and relevant to our lives. Truly inspired work here.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, zwrite1. I so appreciate you taking time to read and review my song/poem and I'm truly honored by your extreme generosity. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Well I like it and find that it has all the highlights in the right places. Your setting of the chorus is perfect and makes the song!!
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Well I like it and find that it has all the highlights in the right places. Your setting of the chorus is perfect and makes the song!!
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hi, Gungalo. Thanks for your generous and supportive review. I really appreciate your time and interest! Warm regards, Bev
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Smiling!!http://www.fanstory.com/images/btnRpl.gif
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LOL I haven't the foggiest where that came from at the end of my smiling!!
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hehehe
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LOL.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Thanks so much, Charlie. I appreciate your generosity. Bev
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You are welcome.
Comment from Tom C. Adams
Okay Bev, so the music got to you as well. That is great. First off, the premise of this set of lyrics is extremely well concieved. After all, and as you indicated in your authors notes, the guy in your rear view mirror sent a happy-vibe your way. As an artist, you seized the moment. I like that.
The verse that contains this lyric is very special:
he hopes he finds the way
to the maker of the dance
and the holder of the key.
And for me at least, this one is spectacular:
"But in the countin' sheds
all that's hidden will be known."
But I need to tell you, that refrain is amazing. So on point, so in tune with the message. I love this in the key of F, with the power of the refrain set on the B-flat. Tonulak will correct me, but that is okay, he knows his stuff much better than I do!
Great lyric...first time?...wowser, TC!
Tom C.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Okay Bev, so the music got to you as well. That is great. First off, the premise of this set of lyrics is extremely well concieved. After all, and as you indicated in your authors notes, the guy in your rear view mirror sent a happy-vibe your way. As an artist, you seized the moment. I like that.
The verse that contains this lyric is very special:
he hopes he finds the way
to the maker of the dance
and the holder of the key.
And for me at least, this one is spectacular:
"But in the countin' sheds
all that's hidden will be known."
But I need to tell you, that refrain is amazing. So on point, so in tune with the message. I love this in the key of F, with the power of the refrain set on the B-flat. Tonulak will correct me, but that is okay, he knows his stuff much better than I do!
Great lyric...first time?...wowser, TC!
Tom C.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hi, Tom C. Your review means so much. I've gotten some good feedback, but yours is amazing. I'm going to have to get a book on writing lyrics, as suggested by one very well-meaning reviewer, and learn to rhyme a little better. But, all-in-all, I'm pretty happy with the results. This one got in my head starting with the refrain and kept on knocking, hehehe. Your insights are especially helpful because of your amazing knowledge about music. I think I've found the courage to try this again sometime thanks to you, my very kind friend. Warm regards, Bev
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Once again, my friend Ted might respectfully disagree, but I have seen hundreds if not thousands of songs with "hinted" rhyme, even non-existing rhyme. If you wanted to study lyrics, look no further than Lieber and Stoller (it's gonna take an ocean, of calomine lotion"). Betcha if you read some of their lyrics: and they are geniuses, it would hit home!
Here is a musical HUG TC!
Tom C.
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I have seen them, too, Tom C. Thanks for letting me know I wasn't off the wall here. And, you are always the man to go to for reference material. I'll call you tomnet - you da' man!! Hug back at ya...Bev
Comment from misscookie
You poem was breath taking.
I must say you heARD MY INTEREST FROM THE FIRST LINE TO THE LAST. i ALWAYS SAY WE USE THE SAME MUSLCES TO FROWN AS WE DO TO SMILE SO WHY NOT SMILE AT SOMEONE. AND MAKE THEIR DAY. THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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You poem was breath taking.
I must say you heARD MY INTEREST FROM THE FIRST LINE TO THE LAST. i ALWAYS SAY WE USE THE SAME MUSLCES TO FROWN AS WE DO TO SMILE SO WHY NOT SMILE AT SOMEONE. AND MAKE THEIR DAY. THANK YOU FOR SHARING.
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hi, Miss Cookie. Thank you for your great review...I so appreciate your support and generosity. Yes, that man's smile sure made an impression on me. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Pen&Ink
I'm definitely not an expert when it comes to song lyrics, but I do like the Biblical references in this piece. I'm sure everything would fit better for me if I knew the melody of the tune. I liked it though.
Favorite part:Send a sign
this trav'ler will know.
Be it a note that's sung
or a whisper
at the bottom of a wind -
long as I know it's real.
Ray
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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I'm definitely not an expert when it comes to song lyrics, but I do like the Biblical references in this piece. I'm sure everything would fit better for me if I knew the melody of the tune. I liked it though.
Favorite part:Send a sign
this trav'ler will know.
Be it a note that's sung
or a whisper
at the bottom of a wind -
long as I know it's real.
Ray
Comment Written 10-Nov-2011
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2011
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Hi, Ray. That's probably one of the reasons I don't do song lyrics, I know what I like but I don't even play an instrument. I only know music from the singer's perspective. So, you have made an excellent point, my friend. Given some of the difficulties for you, I really appreciate the generous rating. Kind regards, Bev
