Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Even God is lonely."memiors from my life experiences.
4 total reviews
Comment from Loyd C. Taylor, Sr
Good morning Poet and first a big thank you for using my photo. I enjoyed your poem and you haver captured the mood of lonliness. I wish you the best, Loyd
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2010
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Good morning Poet and first a big thank you for using my photo. I enjoyed your poem and you haver captured the mood of lonliness. I wish you the best, Loyd
Comment Written 01-Dec-2010
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2010
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Thank u for letting me use it and I'm glad u liked it
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It was my pleasure. If you have osme extra time I would love to have you visit my writing on Fanstory. Have a great day, Loyd
Comment from RebelRose
when [your] ... [you're]
[mothers] ... [mother's]
This certainly does depict a certain kind of loneliness. I did find a couple of nits, listed above.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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when [your] ... [you're]
[mothers] ... [mother's]
This certainly does depict a certain kind of loneliness. I did find a couple of nits, listed above.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2010
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thank you
Comment from aarjwake
You almost can't morally judge this because of how personal it is. I really like the first few general definitions. It would be better with less mention of personal stuff, not because that ruins it, but because I think it would be an excellent poem just left as a general overview. It would be really good if you kept the same voice as the first few lines. This is just my opinion on this poem. Overall, you sound like you really have some good stuff to put out there.
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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You almost can't morally judge this because of how personal it is. I really like the first few general definitions. It would be better with less mention of personal stuff, not because that ruins it, but because I think it would be an excellent poem just left as a general overview. It would be really good if you kept the same voice as the first few lines. This is just my opinion on this poem. Overall, you sound like you really have some good stuff to put out there.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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thanks aarjwake
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okay i rewrote the thing. could you take another look and pssibly consider a revision in your rating? Oh and thanks for the sound advice.
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I'm not sure what others think or what kind of feedback others are giving you, but I absolutely love it! I'm not just saying that, it's true. I think you have a good voice in this poem.
Comment from InterestingRon
Nicely crafted, sad, poignant poem.
One typo I noticed: a drift should be adrift one word.
A suggestion about presentation.
Go to the edit page and under the color menu find the Centre Tab. Click on YES and then save. I think you will be pleased with the result. If not? Go back and click NO to revert to the original.
Good luck in the contest.
Ron
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Nicely crafted, sad, poignant poem.
One typo I noticed: a drift should be adrift one word.
A suggestion about presentation.
Go to the edit page and under the color menu find the Centre Tab. Click on YES and then save. I think you will be pleased with the result. If not? Go back and click NO to revert to the original.
Good luck in the contest.
Ron
Comment Written 29-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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thanks