Makin' Your Mama Cry
Always play to win26 total reviews
Comment from deb552
I feel as though I'm on of the players in that locker room,which says a lot considering I'm a female and way too short & old to be playing basketball. Having said that, the coaches speech sounds exactly what I would want to hear if I were one of the players. In 100 words, which is not very many, You got your point across loud and clear. I enjoyed reading this and the picture made it even more fun. deb
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I feel as though I'm on of the players in that locker room,which says a lot considering I'm a female and way too short & old to be playing basketball. Having said that, the coaches speech sounds exactly what I would want to hear if I were one of the players. In 100 words, which is not very many, You got your point across loud and clear. I enjoyed reading this and the picture made it even more fun. deb
Comment Written 06-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2010
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I'm glad that little speech sounded so real to you. I've given that style speech on numerous occasions when I coached recreation sports with my kids.
Thanks again... John
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Author,
This is some very stong descriptive writing. Very clean and dramatic. The dialogue sounded like a coach addresses his team. I was there with the rest of the team and for me that's the proof of the pudding. Congrats on the win. It deserved recognition.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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Author,
This is some very stong descriptive writing. Very clean and dramatic. The dialogue sounded like a coach addresses his team. I was there with the rest of the team and for me that's the proof of the pudding. Congrats on the win. It deserved recognition.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2010
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Thank you E.P. for taking the time to read my story and for the fine commentary, I appreciate it. John
Comment from bowls
Such a nice touch at the end of your story when the coach tells his team to "make your mamas cry". Great way to get them going. You don't expect something like that from a basketball coach. Just one little thing: NOT THEIR'S ON US should be NOT THEIRS ON US.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2010
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Such a nice touch at the end of your story when the coach tells his team to "make your mamas cry". Great way to get them going. You don't expect something like that from a basketball coach. Just one little thing: NOT THEIR'S ON US should be NOT THEIRS ON US.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2010
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bowls... I thought I went back and corrected that, maybe I didn't save the change, but I will make the correction. Thanks you for stopping by to read and comment. I very much appreciate it, John
Comment from JW
Interesting scene. You did a good job in considering the words you had to utility. Your story and it's use of dialogue easily could have occured in real life.
Good job and good luck in the contest.
Jonathon
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2010
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Interesting scene. You did a good job in considering the words you had to utility. Your story and it's use of dialogue easily could have occured in real life.
Good job and good luck in the contest.
Jonathon
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2010
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Johnathon... Coaching a lot with my 3 kids back in the day, I gave many a pep talk, only involving recreational sports through our town. Thanks for reading and commenting. John
Comment from Minglement
Job well done, here in this cute entry for the 100 word flash fiction contest. Your necessary words were so well woven in, I would not have guessed which one were they becuase they were required. Clever telling of your story though dialogue. Good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Job well done, here in this cute entry for the 100 word flash fiction contest. Your necessary words were so well woven in, I would not have guessed which one were they becuase they were required. Clever telling of your story though dialogue. Good luck.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much Minglement for your thoughts...
Comment from Veekz
Great contest entry - you've managed to make use of the words within the contents flow and they don't seemed forced at all. Well done coming up with a story line that incorporates them all so efficiently :)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Great contest entry - you've managed to make use of the words within the contents flow and they don't seemed forced at all. Well done coming up with a story line that incorporates them all so efficiently :)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thanks Veekz for stopping to read and review my story. Appreciated
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Your entry was cleverly done and shows good imagination to boot. I still have several more to read before I can vote, but this is exceptional.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Your entry was cleverly done and shows good imagination to boot. I still have several more to read before I can vote, but this is exceptional.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thanks Fiesty for even considering voting for mine. Thanks for the great comments.
Comment from june prescott
Wonderful little story using all the correct words without feeling forced. Great fun read, well written. Nicely done and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Wonderful little story using all the correct words without feeling forced. Great fun read, well written. Nicely done and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Thank you very much June, I appreciate it.
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My pleasure! :) Cheers, JP
Comment from adewpearl
This is quite a believable half-time coach's speech, just the kind of motivational talk I imagine they give, and it uses the required contest words extremely well, nothing forced at all. You also stay within strict word limitations. Good luck in the contest. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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This is quite a believable half-time coach's speech, just the kind of motivational talk I imagine they give, and it uses the required contest words extremely well, nothing forced at all. You also stay within strict word limitations. Good luck in the contest. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Brroke, thank you for stopping to read and review my story, I appreciate it.
Comment from humpwhistle
This is a very entry and should do well in the contest. This was a very difficult challenge, but you managed it with none of the required words appearing to be shoe-horned in. Best of Luck. Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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This is a very entry and should do well in the contest. This was a very difficult challenge, but you managed it with none of the required words appearing to be shoe-horned in. Best of Luck. Peace, Lee
Comment Written 03-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2010
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Lee, thank you for reading and commenting...
