Little Billy
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Challenge."memiors from my life experiences.
97 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
This was an interesting read from beginning to end. What an interesting, nerve-wracking story you have to tell. From a logistics perception, there is just one part in the story that does not flow well for me. You are going to make breakfast then you are going in the ocean. By the way, I am a psych NP and work in Manhattan.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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This was an interesting read from beginning to end. What an interesting, nerve-wracking story you have to tell. From a logistics perception, there is just one part in the story that does not flow well for me. You are going to make breakfast then you are going in the ocean. By the way, I am a psych NP and work in Manhattan.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Manhattan wow. Do you work for OMH. Well it was about 92 degeers after breakfast least it felt that way. was cooler down by the ocean. thanks for the review and the stars.
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No I work for a company called Project Renewal we provide a lot of services to thew homeless through city contracts.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
a true story, and a commendable style to narrate it, Too many spaces were kinds obstruct able however i enjoyed the power of the wording.
well done and keep writing
regards
K
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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a true story, and a commendable style to narrate it, Too many spaces were kinds obstruct able however i enjoyed the power of the wording.
well done and keep writing
regards
K
Comment Written 26-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2010
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Thanks for the review. what are kind obstruct's?
Comment from mslink1
higher 'then' the top of the dunes.(than)
everything a summers('s) day at the
this big is that they are tricky. (can omit that)
sand and if 'your' riding (you are)
That means stop riding and allow the wave (suggest for smoother flow--This means to stop)
one quarter mile out. (one-quarter)
did not 'comprehended' the danger (comprehend)
There are two things you can be sure of.(You can be sure of two things.) this gets rid of the end of sentence prep. and flows better--in my opinion:)
Your story had my attention from beginning to end. Yep, God's not done with you yet:)Forgiving ourselves is a very hard thing to do--but thankfully you are now free from that guilt.
That said--your story is in need of some editing.I'm not an expert in the comma department, but even I noticed you need to seek out someone who is.
Silly errors such as I have listed are not the only ones. You need to go back and recheck--read aloud this story. You'll find for yourself where some rewriting of a few sentences would be beneficial to the flow of the story.
Mary
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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higher 'then' the top of the dunes.(than)
everything a summers('s) day at the
this big is that they are tricky. (can omit that)
sand and if 'your' riding (you are)
That means stop riding and allow the wave (suggest for smoother flow--This means to stop)
one quarter mile out. (one-quarter)
did not 'comprehended' the danger (comprehend)
There are two things you can be sure of.(You can be sure of two things.) this gets rid of the end of sentence prep. and flows better--in my opinion:)
Your story had my attention from beginning to end. Yep, God's not done with you yet:)Forgiving ourselves is a very hard thing to do--but thankfully you are now free from that guilt.
That said--your story is in need of some editing.I'm not an expert in the comma department, but even I noticed you need to seek out someone who is.
Silly errors such as I have listed are not the only ones. You need to go back and recheck--read aloud this story. You'll find for yourself where some rewriting of a few sentences would be beneficial to the flow of the story.
Mary
Comment Written 25-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2010
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thank you corrections made
Comment from sherr
Hi keimosobie,
What a truly exciting story. Most all sports have some kind of danger associated with it........but it's the unpredictable aspect when we deal with Mr. Ocean. Your descriptive words and thoughts only ad to the excitement of this true story. Very special! Thank you.
sherr
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Hi keimosobie,
What a truly exciting story. Most all sports have some kind of danger associated with it........but it's the unpredictable aspect when we deal with Mr. Ocean. Your descriptive words and thoughts only ad to the excitement of this true story. Very special! Thank you.
sherr
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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thank you for that special review
Comment from essence56
This is an awesome story and I loved it. I found nothing wrong at all. Compassion flows from mih heart and I am thankful to God for the safty of your daughter and your self. We know who to believe in. God bless
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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This is an awesome story and I loved it. I found nothing wrong at all. Compassion flows from mih heart and I am thankful to God for the safty of your daughter and your self. We know who to believe in. God bless
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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thank you for that gerat six star review. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from JennieClare
What an amazing story - the devil will tempt us we will be challenged every day but the Lord know our weaknesses and is faithful and just to forgive our failings if we turn to him. Praise the Lord that you and your daughter have lived to tell this tale. Bless you and your family. JennieClare
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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What an amazing story - the devil will tempt us we will be challenged every day but the Lord know our weaknesses and is faithful and just to forgive our failings if we turn to him. Praise the Lord that you and your daughter have lived to tell this tale. Bless you and your family. JennieClare
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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thank you
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You are most welcome. Jennieclare
Comment from Justa Begina
Hello Keimo. That was an excellent story, i found the theme very gripping. You described the scene so well i just knew the power of the sea would cause commotion but i didnt think it would be at the little girls expense. Well done for building the suspense, you had my attention from the very start. The main character was interesting and you chose a very popular theme, mother nature and her hidden strengths, i just love anything to do with the weather , the sea, something that we can not control no matter how much we try to intervine. Absolutely loved it, your ability to tell a story with a good ending is excellent. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Hello Keimo. That was an excellent story, i found the theme very gripping. You described the scene so well i just knew the power of the sea would cause commotion but i didnt think it would be at the little girls expense. Well done for building the suspense, you had my attention from the very start. The main character was interesting and you chose a very popular theme, mother nature and her hidden strengths, i just love anything to do with the weather , the sea, something that we can not control no matter how much we try to intervine. Absolutely loved it, your ability to tell a story with a good ending is excellent. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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your welcome I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from franban
Interesting and descriptive story but there are a considerable number of errors in spelling and grammar, ie. "ridding the big waves;" "the thing about ridding;" "swam on till;" 'brother in law;" "she truly did not comprehended;" "Samanthas mother" 'she would not of handled" In addition it is choppy and some sentences lack clarity. The underlying story and what it says are the keys but by revising and correcting errors etc., you may make it more enjoyable for the reader. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Interesting and descriptive story but there are a considerable number of errors in spelling and grammar, ie. "ridding the big waves;" "the thing about ridding;" "swam on till;" 'brother in law;" "she truly did not comprehended;" "Samanthas mother" 'she would not of handled" In addition it is choppy and some sentences lack clarity. The underlying story and what it says are the keys but by revising and correcting errors etc., you may make it more enjoyable for the reader. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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thanks i made the corrections you showed me I'll read it again and work on the choppyness.
Comment from Rafaqat Bano
Hi
it is interesting story ......and shows close observation ...facing and fighting with the waves ,deep waters and ocean.....it is good to share personal experience with the readers with many moral lessons...a motivation to be courageous and determined to accept challenges ......and a faith in God ....excellent work ...thankyou for sharing with readers and reviewres.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Hi
it is interesting story ......and shows close observation ...facing and fighting with the waves ,deep waters and ocean.....it is good to share personal experience with the readers with many moral lessons...a motivation to be courageous and determined to accept challenges ......and a faith in God ....excellent work ...thankyou for sharing with readers and reviewres.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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thanks for the review and the stars.
Comment from Carrie Smith
Hello there. I was engrossed in this story from the beginning to end and so relieved when the ending was positive. I really heard that pact with the devil as you seemed to feel that you needed to atone for previous misdoings. That is a trap a think we all fall into a some point in life. The dialogue was wonderful. The description of your thoughts clearly heard. Great job! Susan
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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Hello there. I was engrossed in this story from the beginning to end and so relieved when the ending was positive. I really heard that pact with the devil as you seemed to feel that you needed to atone for previous misdoings. That is a trap a think we all fall into a some point in life. The dialogue was wonderful. The description of your thoughts clearly heard. Great job! Susan
Comment Written 24-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2010
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thank you