Obama's America
An impartial, nonpartisan glance at accomplishment52 total reviews
Comment from chells36
Oh there is a soapbox calling here
This is a very patriotic and humbling speech
Well written with a great flow
keep up the good work
Thanks xx
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Oh there is a soapbox calling here
This is a very patriotic and humbling speech
Well written with a great flow
keep up the good work
Thanks xx
Comment Written 18-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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Oh, well you know, all essays are soapboxes. I upgraded the health issue as a result of a comment, you might be interested. Thank you for the review. There are many categories and essay writing is not naturally pretty.
Comment from adewpearl
typo alert - What is the point of capitalism IS we have
Try and have a conversation - Try to have
If American's are so vigilant - Americans
their decisions changes - decisions change
Stop harping, America - add comma for direct address
I like your narrative voice - you "tell it like it is."
The references to Kennedy are made effectively.
Even though I agree with pretty much all your points, I recognize there are many, even on this site, who disagree with us. In that spirit, there are places you need to use more evidence/documentation, that is referred to in the contest instructions. For instance, you and I both don't think the health care plan is socialistic, but many others do, so you need to say more than, no it isn't. You need specific evidence about the plan to convince those people who disagree with us that it isn't. Brooke
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reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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typo alert - What is the point of capitalism IS we have
Try and have a conversation - Try to have
If American's are so vigilant - Americans
their decisions changes - decisions change
Stop harping, America - add comma for direct address
I like your narrative voice - you "tell it like it is."
The references to Kennedy are made effectively.
Even though I agree with pretty much all your points, I recognize there are many, even on this site, who disagree with us. In that spirit, there are places you need to use more evidence/documentation, that is referred to in the contest instructions. For instance, you and I both don't think the health care plan is socialistic, but many others do, so you need to say more than, no it isn't. You need specific evidence about the plan to convince those people who disagree with us that it isn't. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2010
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2010
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I took your suggestions to heart and expanded my thoughts on health care. I do respect your in put and I think it added meat to my point tof view. I hope I gat all the spags, probably not, but I tried and then threw it up to the top of the reward list, so you might want to check it again for me and make some comments, for a reward, I hope. Thanks.
