Bottom of the Loch
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Half Octopus,"Parents die, so she moves in with unknown family
10 total reviews
Comment from Amyna
I enjoyed reading this story thoroughly. It is a good idea for a movie and I hope you get this published.
As you have written hurriedly, there are many mistakes that need to be corrected, as I'm sure you are aware.
Good luck!
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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I enjoyed reading this story thoroughly. It is a good idea for a movie and I hope you get this published.
As you have written hurriedly, there are many mistakes that need to be corrected, as I'm sure you are aware.
Good luck!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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yes you are so right, i will fix done on original need to past in first draft
Comment from ulster3
Hello wierdgrace.
This presents a frightening and dreadful image. I can't imagine what will happen next. I also can hardly wait to see.
I hope you are well.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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Hello wierdgrace.
This presents a frightening and dreadful image. I can't imagine what will happen next. I also can hardly wait to see.
I hope you are well.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 26-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2010
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yes, this is true, thank you so so much my friend
Comment from Tellis
This tale did end suddenly, but I thought it was done well. Just needs finishing. Excellent story. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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This tale did end suddenly, but I thought it was done well. Just needs finishing. Excellent story. Keep up the great work.
Tellis
Comment Written 26-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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there will be a part two later
Comment from Readywriter52
It is an interesting end to the story. Gramps died and Bonnie moved away. I guess she has some painful memories of the Loch. Unknown to her she bore a little girl who in turned bore more children. It might be the beginning of a new race.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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It is an interesting end to the story. Gramps died and Bonnie moved away. I guess she has some painful memories of the Loch. Unknown to her she bore a little girl who in turned bore more children. It might be the beginning of a new race.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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too soon, will improve it later, and there is a part two coming
Comment from misscookie
Boy did ienjoy this fantasy . All the way.
you had me on the edge of the chair again. this s a good write
keep up the good work I know you got plenty more out of sight stories to write.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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Boy did ienjoy this fantasy . All the way.
you had me on the edge of the chair again. this s a good write
keep up the good work I know you got plenty more out of sight stories to write.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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I am so so glad
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Your the best, have a nice evening.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Very interesting ending. My question is why didn't the girl octopus switch back and both like her father did? That's the piece I am not understanding. Oh well, maybe I am not supposed to.
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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Very interesting ending. My question is why didn't the girl octopus switch back and both like her father did? That's the piece I am not understanding. Oh well, maybe I am not supposed to.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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so true, part two comeing
Comment from krprice
Too many passive verbs.
Show her staying away, show her fear. Show, don't tell.
Sara, who. . .About fifteen. . . also discounted. . .
Too much telling, not enough showing, as I mentioned earlier.
Definitely needs a rewrite.
Karlene
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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Too many passive verbs.
Show her staying away, show her fear. Show, don't tell.
Sara, who. . .About fifteen. . . also discounted. . .
Too much telling, not enough showing, as I mentioned earlier.
Definitely needs a rewrite.
Karlene
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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I know, will be fixing, thank you so much
Comment from dportwood
wierdgrace,
Your story takes turns and twists and keeps readers interested.
I did notice this which you may wish to edit:
wild tale they also uncounted the girl or
I think you mean 'encountered' and not 'uncounted'
Duane
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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wierdgrace,
Your story takes turns and twists and keeps readers interested.
I did notice this which you may wish to edit:
wild tale they also uncounted the girl or
I think you mean 'encountered' and not 'uncounted'
Duane
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2010
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thank you, I try,
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi wierdgrace,
Entertaining beginning to a story here - a new type of Loch Ness monster perhaps? Looks as if it could develop into something much darker, perhaps with a twsits of horror to it?
Patrick
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010
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Hi wierdgrace,
Entertaining beginning to a story here - a new type of Loch Ness monster perhaps? Looks as if it could develop into something much darker, perhaps with a twsits of horror to it?
Patrick
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from adewpearl
was no longer happy here, - change the comma to a period
Hal Johnson, sitting in a boat - add the comma
fishing one day, came back - add the comma
You describe this new part human, part octopus species very well, Grace. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010
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was no longer happy here, - change the comma to a period
Hal Johnson, sitting in a boat - add the comma
fishing one day, came back - add the comma
You describe this new part human, part octopus species very well, Grace. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010
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thank you so much I will
