Comment from Tellis

Excellent

Uh oh, how is she going to explain that. LoL I enjoyed reading this excellent chapter. Can't wait for the next to see what happens.

Tellis

 Comment Written 24-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010

so so glad, thank you

Comment from krprice

Excellent

Try to use active verbs. Went is passive.

Hank's wife. . .getting the bed. . .

Good, fast chapter. Be interesting to read more.

Karlene

 Comment Written 23-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 25-Jun-2010

I know, to many passive words, working on rewrite thank you

Comment from Readywriter52

Excellent

The child has finally been born. He has been born with tentacles. But other than that, he looks perfect. It will be a shock, but he could have looked worse.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2010

this is true, wait, there is more

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Now what? We have a girl baby octopus. HUMMMM

She was dressed all in white and had the little black case she carried, like a doctor. (who is dressed in white? Nell or Sara?)

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2010

sorry, I knew I forgot to put who, I will fix, its the mom nurse that delivers babies

Comment from misscookie

Excellent

I knew it -I knew it what was I thinking. i knew it was to good to be true a nice normal baby just couldn't happen.
Yes my friend you got mre again. (smile ) that cookie mo,ment made me forget who the writer is.
this is a good write.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2010

sure is, same huh

reply by misscookie on 23-Jun-2010

It wouldn't be you if you did it any other way. tae care.

Comment from Kramerica

Poor

Rural American extra-terrestrial invasion? I'm afraid I don't get it. The style seems a little forced, or maybe I just get that impression because I couldn't find anything distinct in it. Of course, a swatch of this length could be very misleading. I look forward to seeing where this story could go, and I will read more when more is available. Good luck.

ps - Go ahead and proofread your "about me" section.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2010

yes, you do need to read the first chapters, thank you for your comment, I always check the about me, as if someone can help me with my writing, I make them part of my members help is always needed in the first draft, thank you

Comment from SecretSquirrel

Excellent

THis is pretty well done. It seems to have some weird Lovecraft like stuff going on and is in the middle of the story. There is the use of the passive voice in a couple of places that should be changed over. The descriptions are pretty good. It flowed well and the events play out in a logical order with some good summaries in places.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2010

thank you so much

Comment from jwlee211

Excellent

good chapter. I liked this story. So is this a continuation of the potato story. Great description of the baby. I think monstrous does it well

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2010

so it does, thank you so much

Comment from TimidView

Excellent

Hi! Long time & all... I saw you had just put this up so I read it without knowing what came before and I have to say -- well done. I wasn't expecting tentacles!

I had one problem here:
"Hank's wife, Nellie told Bonnie, "You will be just fine," and she ran around getting the red ready and everything ready for Sara."
I think you meant 'bed' instead of 'red', but with the title and the beginning of the chapter, I wasn't certain.

It's intriguing!

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2010

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2010

thank you so much for your help, I alwys need it on my first and second draft, will be starting the 2nd soon