Bottom of the Loch
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Sara, The Midwife"Parents die, so she moves in with unknown family
9 total reviews
Comment from krprice
"Don't know yet. . . I left a note. . .
She sat (delete down) with them. . .
Good, fast moving chapter. This is getting more and more interesting. I can't imagine anything coming out like a normal child.
Karlene
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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"Don't know yet. . . I left a note. . .
She sat (delete down) with them. . .
Good, fast moving chapter. This is getting more and more interesting. I can't imagine anything coming out like a normal child.
Karlene
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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thank you for the help
Comment from Tellis
So she is now a self taught seamstriss. I have a feeling this baby is going to be very smart and swim like a fish. LoL
Tellis
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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So she is now a self taught seamstriss. I have a feeling this baby is going to be very smart and swim like a fish. LoL
Tellis
Comment Written 17-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 21-Jun-2010
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many were like this, thank you
Comment from barbara.wilkey
How did your hospital tests go?
I left a not for Sara." (left a note)
"Oh, she is at the McFadden's delivering the tenth baby, so I guess it won't take long," as Mamie laughed. She got his groceries and continued to rattle right on.
"They have four girls and five boys, so would be nice if it's another girl, be an even number." They all laughed. (numerous mistakes: TRY! "Oh, she is at the McFadden's delivering the tenth baby, so I guess it won't take long." As Mamie laughed, she got his groceries and continued to rattle right on, "They have four girls and five boys, so would be nice if it's another girl, be an even number.
They all laughed. )
No, mom left a big (Mom)
take a message into in, in case anything happened or Bonnie went into labor. (too many in's)
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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How did your hospital tests go?
I left a not for Sara." (left a note)
"Oh, she is at the McFadden's delivering the tenth baby, so I guess it won't take long," as Mamie laughed. She got his groceries and continued to rattle right on.
"They have four girls and five boys, so would be nice if it's another girl, be an even number." They all laughed. (numerous mistakes: TRY! "Oh, she is at the McFadden's delivering the tenth baby, so I guess it won't take long." As Mamie laughed, she got his groceries and continued to rattle right on, "They have four girls and five boys, so would be nice if it's another girl, be an even number.
They all laughed. )
No, mom left a big (Mom)
take a message into in, in case anything happened or Bonnie went into labor. (too many in's)
Comment Written 16-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Hospital test did not go well, I have a couple of months to finish up a few things, before a special operation, very very scared as they are not sure I will make it. so I guess I knew it was coming,thank you for your help
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My prayers are with you.
Comment from ulster3
Hello wierdgrace...Knowing you, you'll keep up. This is wonderful the way the people in this town are so accepting of things, and non-judgmental. It should be like that everywhere. Of course everything you write usually brings surprises. I went to review this right after I sent the message, but my computer froze. I had to run a program to fix. (Hopefully). I very much enjoyed this read. Excellent work as always. 11pm here, and I'm quitting with the computer for the night.
Hugs. Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Hello wierdgrace...Knowing you, you'll keep up. This is wonderful the way the people in this town are so accepting of things, and non-judgmental. It should be like that everywhere. Of course everything you write usually brings surprises. I went to review this right after I sent the message, but my computer froze. I had to run a program to fix. (Hopefully). I very much enjoyed this read. Excellent work as always. 11pm here, and I'm quitting with the computer for the night.
Hugs. Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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it is late and my computer is asking funny, thank you and I am going to bed, you are the best
Comment from Readywriter52
Bonnie is getting ready to have her baby. Grandpa is getting her cloth so she can sew the baby clothes. Everyone seems happy about the arrival of the baby. It's really a friendly village.
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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Bonnie is getting ready to have her baby. Grandpa is getting her cloth so she can sew the baby clothes. Everyone seems happy about the arrival of the baby. It's really a friendly village.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 16-Jun-2010
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a small village, with no baby things like other towns, like pampers, haha
Comment from jdiderrich
I enjoyed reading your profile. Best of luck with fighting the tumors. The story was very confusing to me. I think you're imagining much more, but not sharing it with the reader. It struck me more as a script than a story where you expect the actors to come up with their own personalities and physical actions. I'd really like to see it again after you're edited it a bit, added some detail and given the characters something to do. Don't give up.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I enjoyed reading your profile. Best of luck with fighting the tumors. The story was very confusing to me. I think you're imagining much more, but not sharing it with the reader. It struck me more as a script than a story where you expect the actors to come up with their own personalities and physical actions. I'd really like to see it again after you're edited it a bit, added some detail and given the characters something to do. Don't give up.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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thank you
Comment from animatqua
I see that you seem to have a plot within a plot going here, and that you are using dialogue to a) give background for the chapter, b)explain the roles of the characters, and c) set the entrance to the next chapter.
I would have to read the preceding chapters to make any comments on how well it fit into those parts of the story and how strong it is in accomplishing the tasks I see set out for it.
I rated it a `3' because I see several areas that need work. First, it would help to do a grammar check. There were a lot of places that could be corrected. Second, there is no hook at the beginning of the chapter to catch a reader's interest; nothing provocative to keep someone reading. I sometimes by pass the attention getting device if I have a tag at the end of the preceding chapter that automatically carries the reader's mind into the next segment. I still think it is better to make the first paragraph of each chapter a `grabber'.
Third, there were no prompts through the story to keep the reader involved with it. This piece of information: "Bonnie also told her she was only two months, but had to be mistaken as that baby is ready to pop out at any moment." would be better in the starting paragraph because talks about something unusual and hints at a mystery. This is the `eye catcher' and/or attention getter I talked about. It is also a hook to carry along the rest of the chapter's information. The reader wants to find out why there is a two month gestation period rather than a nine month. Hints about the answer to this question, embedded in other pieces of information, will keep the reader's interest and attention.
I think if you play with these ideas a little you will come up with a really dynamic chapter. As it is, there does need to be some work done.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I see that you seem to have a plot within a plot going here, and that you are using dialogue to a) give background for the chapter, b)explain the roles of the characters, and c) set the entrance to the next chapter.
I would have to read the preceding chapters to make any comments on how well it fit into those parts of the story and how strong it is in accomplishing the tasks I see set out for it.
I rated it a `3' because I see several areas that need work. First, it would help to do a grammar check. There were a lot of places that could be corrected. Second, there is no hook at the beginning of the chapter to catch a reader's interest; nothing provocative to keep someone reading. I sometimes by pass the attention getting device if I have a tag at the end of the preceding chapter that automatically carries the reader's mind into the next segment. I still think it is better to make the first paragraph of each chapter a `grabber'.
Third, there were no prompts through the story to keep the reader involved with it. This piece of information: "Bonnie also told her she was only two months, but had to be mistaken as that baby is ready to pop out at any moment." would be better in the starting paragraph because talks about something unusual and hints at a mystery. This is the `eye catcher' and/or attention getter I talked about. It is also a hook to carry along the rest of the chapter's information. The reader wants to find out why there is a two month gestation period rather than a nine month. Hints about the answer to this question, embedded in other pieces of information, will keep the reader's interest and attention.
I think if you play with these ideas a little you will come up with a really dynamic chapter. As it is, there does need to be some work done.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Yes I do know of all this, and it is done from Word, with using grammer checker, second draft coming soon, thank you so much
Comment from Perp Ihebom
I like such short posts that are catchy . I enjoyed reading this because of the casual tone of the narration that makes it fun to read. Note was spelt as not somewhere. kudos
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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I like such short posts that are catchy . I enjoyed reading this because of the casual tone of the narration that makes it fun to read. Note was spelt as not somewhere. kudos
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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thank you again
Comment from anabelle
Bonnie is expecting a llttle bonnie. Is there no father in the picture? So often there isn't. Makes you wonder. I liked the idea of the flag.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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Bonnie is expecting a llttle bonnie. Is there no father in the picture? So often there isn't. Makes you wonder. I liked the idea of the flag.
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 15-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2010
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now we are getting to the action
