Bottom of the Loch
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Gramps Meets Nick"Parents die, so she moves in with unknown family
16 total reviews
Comment from Gideon Roth
Well done on this one as well. I really do need to get to my writing if I hope to post the next chapter to Apparitions at Twelve Oaks Lane but reading well-written submissions do aid me with getting the pump primed. When I saw that you had posted another one, I had to give it a read too. Great job on this as well. Keep up the good writing...Gideon
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Well done on this one as well. I really do need to get to my writing if I hope to post the next chapter to Apparitions at Twelve Oaks Lane but reading well-written submissions do aid me with getting the pump primed. When I saw that you had posted another one, I had to give it a read too. Great job on this as well. Keep up the good writing...Gideon
Comment Written 06-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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thank you my friend
Comment from rmdelta
Grace,
another very ihteresting chapter, dear friend.Strong descriptives throughout provide great imagery. Your dialogue is your strength every tie you use it Grace. Very good chapter,
Reggie
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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Grace,
another very ihteresting chapter, dear friend.Strong descriptives throughout provide great imagery. Your dialogue is your strength every tie you use it Grace. Very good chapter,
Reggie
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2010
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thank you so much
Comment from Readywriter52
Bonnie is trying to get Grandpa interested in seeing Nick. One day he does appear on the beach, but neither one seems interested in the other. Nick does not attempt to be friendly with Grandpa.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2010
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Bonnie is trying to get Grandpa interested in seeing Nick. One day he does appear on the beach, but neither one seems interested in the other. Nick does not attempt to be friendly with Grandpa.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2010
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so true, thank you
Comment from bluedragon776
Thanks for sharing this. This chapter had a nice flow and is nicely written. I really liked the artwork you chosen for this. Good Luck with the rest of this book.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2010
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Thanks for sharing this. This chapter had a nice flow and is nicely written. I really liked the artwork you chosen for this. Good Luck with the rest of this book.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2010
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thank you so so much
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Very interesting.
"You are alright aren't you?" (comma before aren't)
"See honey she is okay," and he left going once more to his beloved garden. (spacing issure, and you probably have a speech tag in the previous sentence.)
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2010
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Very interesting.
"You are alright aren't you?" (comma before aren't)
"See honey she is okay," and he left going once more to his beloved garden. (spacing issure, and you probably have a speech tag in the previous sentence.)
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2010
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thank you so muchf or your help
Comment from krprice
She talked. . .rewrite. Doesn't sound right.
The old. . .Bonnie, you. . .
Too much telling, not enough showing.
Grandpa, to. . . there you are, Bonnie.. . .
"See honey,. . .
Everyone thought. . .Rewrite without using so many buts. It's a runon sentence.
Karlene
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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She talked. . .rewrite. Doesn't sound right.
The old. . .Bonnie, you. . .
Too much telling, not enough showing.
Grandpa, to. . . there you are, Bonnie.. . .
"See honey,. . .
Everyone thought. . .Rewrite without using so many buts. It's a runon sentence.
Karlene
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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thank you so much i will fix errors
Comment from FredCollingwood
Wow! 100! It's amazing that he gets along as well as he does. One thing you might look at:
Everyone thought he was like 87 years old, but I have seen in the old Bible at the house that Gramps is close to 100 years old, but he is healthy and I love him very much. > you might consider breaking up this sentence. You have three conjunctions.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Wow! 100! It's amazing that he gets along as well as he does. One thing you might look at:
Everyone thought he was like 87 years old, but I have seen in the old Bible at the house that Gramps is close to 100 years old, but he is healthy and I love him very much. > you might consider breaking up this sentence. You have three conjunctions.
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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haha, thank yu for reading and for your help you are right
Comment from Tellis
I hope Nick isn't jealous of grandpa and tries to hurt him as Bonnie is very fond of her gramps. I enjoyed reading this excellent chapter.
Tellis
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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I hope Nick isn't jealous of grandpa and tries to hurt him as Bonnie is very fond of her gramps. I enjoyed reading this excellent chapter.
Tellis
Comment Written 04-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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thank you, keep reading
Comment from RebelRose
I think it would sound better to say "He is very old and sometimes thinks I am his wife who died many years ago." This is an interesting chapter.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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I think it would sound better to say "He is very old and sometimes thinks I am his wife who died many years ago." This is an interesting chapter.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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thank you so much for reading
Comment from wrdtrctr
Brief little chapter. Without reading the other chapters I can pick up the clues as to what is happening. Maybe a little fine tuning needed. Good luck.
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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Brief little chapter. Without reading the other chapters I can pick up the clues as to what is happening. Maybe a little fine tuning needed. Good luck.
Comment Written 03-Jun-2010
reply by the author on 04-Jun-2010
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true, tired sorry
