Ghost Town USA
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Dream Land"A sandy trip in the desert
15 total reviews
Comment from Tellis
I loved this exciting new turn in this story and I wonder if it's really a dream or did she somehow go back in time.
Tellis
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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I loved this exciting new turn in this story and I wonder if it's really a dream or did she somehow go back in time.
Tellis
Comment Written 26-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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again my friend thank you, I am so far behind
Comment from c_lucas
A very interesting story. It is well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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A very interesting story. It is well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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thank you, glad you are reading this will all.
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You're welcome, Grace. charlie
Comment from knowledge
Just a little clean up here and there with your grammar and it will all fit together and you have a nice short story.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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Just a little clean up here and there with your grammar and it will all fit together and you have a nice short story.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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thank you so much, your help was great
Comment from adewpearl
dancing girl's wore - drop the apostrophe
This is certainly one fascinating vision this woman is having - the ghost town transformed into a thriving mining town, the abandoned building all of a sudden a busy saloon where she has become a bar girl dressed in period costume. I have visited ghost towns in the area around Tombstone, not amusement recreations like Tombstone, but abandoned ghost towns, and they are truly amazing places. This is a fun read. Brooke
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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dancing girl's wore - drop the apostrophe
This is certainly one fascinating vision this woman is having - the ghost town transformed into a thriving mining town, the abandoned building all of a sudden a busy saloon where she has become a bar girl dressed in period costume. I have visited ghost towns in the area around Tombstone, not amusement recreations like Tombstone, but abandoned ghost towns, and they are truly amazing places. This is a fun read. Brooke
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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thank you so much, I will fix, yes this is the point, to take her back to the times of maybe virgina city?
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
This really does feel like a ghost town.
As well as being transported there Wilma seems destined to play a part in the story too.
I will read on to see where this story is going.
Juliette
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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This really does feel like a ghost town.
As well as being transported there Wilma seems destined to play a part in the story too.
I will read on to see where this story is going.
Juliette
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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so glad thank you
Comment from FredCollingwood
Good story and well written. A couple of things you might consider:
Some were broken and some missing(,) the handrail was loose, but she decided to look up there. Comma splice. Recommend a semicolon.
She saw a canopied bed with white lace(,) the bedspread was hand knitted and a blue material showed through. > same. You're using a comma at the end od completed sentences. Use a period or semicolon.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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Good story and well written. A couple of things you might consider:
Some were broken and some missing(,) the handrail was loose, but she decided to look up there. Comma splice. Recommend a semicolon.
She saw a canopied bed with white lace(,) the bedspread was hand knitted and a blue material showed through. > same. You're using a comma at the end od completed sentences. Use a period or semicolon.
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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thank you I will fix soon
Comment from closetpoetjester
What a lovely story telling style you have. Not a lot of narratives but you somehow seem to paint a concise picture for the reader. Very clever and obviously a lot of thought goes into your story. I enjoyed this chapter but I have definitely come into the story part way and will look forward to checking out another couple of chapters. One spag :"Sit down Wilma ... " should "read" be "ready"?
Overall a very nicely written piece and a great read.
Cheers closetpoetjester
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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What a lovely story telling style you have. Not a lot of narratives but you somehow seem to paint a concise picture for the reader. Very clever and obviously a lot of thought goes into your story. I enjoyed this chapter but I have definitely come into the story part way and will look forward to checking out another couple of chapters. One spag :"Sit down Wilma ... " should "read" be "ready"?
Overall a very nicely written piece and a great read.
Cheers closetpoetjester
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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thank you so much I will fix
Comment from Sweet Victory
Very interesting, this is my kind of story with a touch of mystery, I like the hook at the end and it sounds like she is very other-worldly almost angelic or goddess if you will and inviting the other girl into this magical world.
Good story and good hook!
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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Very interesting, this is my kind of story with a touch of mystery, I like the hook at the end and it sounds like she is very other-worldly almost angelic or goddess if you will and inviting the other girl into this magical world.
Good story and good hook!
Comment Written 22-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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thank you so much I will fix
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Well you keep things interesting.
"Sit down Wilma, breakfast is almost read," The girl said.
( ready and lower case 't' on the)
she said, "who are you? (captial 'w' on who)
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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Well you keep things interesting.
"Sit down Wilma, breakfast is almost read," The girl said.
( ready and lower case 't' on the)
she said, "who are you? (captial 'w' on who)
Comment Written 22-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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thank you I will fix today, thank you
Comment from Readywriter52
Wilma has wondered into a very strange situation. She finds this beautiful girl in one of the rooms. They dress and go down into the saloon that's full of miners. This is so strange.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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Wilma has wondered into a very strange situation. She finds this beautiful girl in one of the rooms. They dress and go down into the saloon that's full of miners. This is so strange.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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thank you so much
