Ghost Town USA
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Ghost Town, Food"A sandy trip in the desert
10 total reviews
Comment from ducilla
A fine story to accompany my photo. A very stark picture you paint with words to accompany the visual prompt . You are always welcome to use my work to enhance your thoughts..Dennis..(ducilla..)..
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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A fine story to accompany my photo. A very stark picture you paint with words to accompany the visual prompt . You are always welcome to use my work to enhance your thoughts..Dennis..(ducilla..)..
Comment Written 25-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2010
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I try so hard to find photes to work, glad you liked
Comment from knowledge
I guess that I am just going to have to help you with this. The story is moving along well and is interesting.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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I guess that I am just going to have to help you with this. The story is moving along well and is interesting.
Thank You My Friend,
Knowledge
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2010
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yes please do
Comment from adewpearl
was reflector someone had nailed - A reflector
The s she drew nearer - as she
After drinking her fill, she stuck - add comma
without removing her clothes. - add the period
She knew that she would have toiler down - I can't figure out "toiler down"
This was as tree - I don't know what that means either
She could feet cobble stones - feel
made her way to the spring she say - she saw
Her body is dehydrated - this paragraph is in present tense for no reason I can tell
She certainly is having some adventure - it sounds worse than Survivor as far as food goes! LOL
Rating now a five since revisions conscientiously made :-)
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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was reflector someone had nailed - A reflector
The s she drew nearer - as she
After drinking her fill, she stuck - add comma
without removing her clothes. - add the period
She knew that she would have toiler down - I can't figure out "toiler down"
This was as tree - I don't know what that means either
She could feet cobble stones - feel
made her way to the spring she say - she saw
Her body is dehydrated - this paragraph is in present tense for no reason I can tell
She certainly is having some adventure - it sounds worse than Survivor as far as food goes! LOL
Rating now a five since revisions conscientiously made :-)
Comment Written 23-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2010
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I knew this but trying to read all the contest entrys and work on originals and drafts well I am behind, that is why I was hoping you would enjoy this, I will fix right now, thank you
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Oh, I did enjoy it and will happily make it a five once you tell me the edits are made :-)
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already fixed it my fried, I do not know how I missed those, hands on wrong keeys, haha.
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just notice I spelled friend wrong too, guess I should take a break haha
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I've had days like that, Grace :-)
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thank you my friend,
Comment from Readywriter52
She has entered a ghost town that looks like it has been deserted for many years. She has found water and food so the situation doesn't seem too bad. I hope she doesn't come across some unsavory creature.
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2010
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She has entered a ghost town that looks like it has been deserted for many years. She has found water and food so the situation doesn't seem too bad. I hope she doesn't come across some unsavory creature.
Comment Written 21-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 22-Mar-2010
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so so true
Comment from RazberryBullet
Nice ghost-town atmosphere :) I didn't realize until the last sentences that this is set in the present day.
suggstions: The light she had seen was (a)reflector...Then (a)s she drew nearer...She knew she would have /toiler??/ down...This was as tree???...she made her way to the spring she /say>saw/...(Why this change from past to present?--Her body is dehydrated. She needs more water.)... Wilma (omit>'s) went through... It was canvas so /sh>she/ put it in the water
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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Nice ghost-town atmosphere :) I didn't realize until the last sentences that this is set in the present day.
suggstions: The light she had seen was (a)reflector...Then (a)s she drew nearer...She knew she would have /toiler??/ down...This was as tree???...she made her way to the spring she /say>saw/...(Why this change from past to present?--Her body is dehydrated. She needs more water.)... Wilma (omit>'s) went through... It was canvas so /sh>she/ put it in the water
Comment Written 21-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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oops, I do that a lot in my drafts, I move around from past to present, I will go back and fix, thank you for your help
Comment from Mariea
Good morning. A great storyline and kept me interested all the way. Just a few 'spags' for u to look at.
Para starting 'Her' - then/when. Delete 's'
Para starting 'She' - toiler/to lie. This was as tree?
Para starting 'She' - comma after 'spring'. say/saw.
Para starting 'It was' - sh/she.
Hope this is helpful
Have a great day. Regards Mia
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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Good morning. A great storyline and kept me interested all the way. Just a few 'spags' for u to look at.
Para starting 'Her' - then/when. Delete 's'
Para starting 'She' - toiler/to lie. This was as tree?
Para starting 'She' - comma after 'spring'. say/saw.
Para starting 'It was' - sh/she.
Hope this is helpful
Have a great day. Regards Mia
Comment Written 21-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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Boy you are so right, I already knew all this, but only changed my original for now, thank you so much for your help.
Comment from Valkarie
Wonderful piece of writing here where your words flowed so well, it was a concise and powerful piece of story telling.
This was a very creative piece well thought out where the visual aspect was excellent and most artistic.
Very good writing.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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Wonderful piece of writing here where your words flowed so well, it was a concise and powerful piece of story telling.
This was a very creative piece well thought out where the visual aspect was excellent and most artistic.
Very good writing.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 21-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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thank you so much for your kind words.
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No problem it was a pleasure to review and read your piece.
Comment from ulster3
Hello writer friend, wierd grace.
I enjoyed this read too. Funny she remembers a dream. I just had a weird dream myself. I guess we all have them sometimes. Dreams always make one wonder what it was about. Thanks for this excellent read.
Rebecca
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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Hello writer friend, wierd grace.
I enjoyed this read too. Funny she remembers a dream. I just had a weird dream myself. I guess we all have them sometimes. Dreams always make one wonder what it was about. Thanks for this excellent read.
Rebecca
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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so glad you liked, thank you
Comment from krprice
She stood. . . Now tears rolled. . .
Her lips. . .Then she. . .
Above it. . . Friends, refresh. . .
She kew she would have toiler down. . .toiler doesn't make sense. Besides, she knew can be deleted. You're in her POV, so implicit.
She was. . .She s tempped out te door and th desert hit hit her. . .
Her body. . .Tense change
It was. . .flashlight . . .delete which she hng onto. Unnecessary. . .
A number of suggestions, but I enjoyed the story.
Karlene
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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She stood. . . Now tears rolled. . .
Her lips. . .Then she. . .
Above it. . . Friends, refresh. . .
She kew she would have toiler down. . .toiler doesn't make sense. Besides, she knew can be deleted. You're in her POV, so implicit.
She was. . .She s tempped out te door and th desert hit hit her. . .
Her body. . .Tense change
It was. . .flashlight . . .delete which she hng onto. Unnecessary. . .
A number of suggestions, but I enjoyed the story.
Karlene
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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thank you for your help
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You did a great job with descriptions. Your reader could visualize what they saw. I am leaving the spag alone since you said you would get to it.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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You did a great job with descriptions. Your reader could visualize what they saw. I am leaving the spag alone since you said you would get to it.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2010
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2010
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thank you so much for reading, I truley am working on spags.
