Happy Birthday Bobby
A celebration with a difference32 total reviews
Comment from warbler
This is a wonderful story. I hop that Bobby finds her way. The characters were real and the story flowed along nicely. I enjoyed reading this. Good luck.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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This is a wonderful story. I hop that Bobby finds her way. The characters were real and the story flowed along nicely. I enjoyed reading this. Good luck.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Thank you warbler, for your kind and generous review and rating, and your good luck wishes.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Marijke, you've got me hate "Pa" as the story progresses. There are indeed many parents who prefer sons to daughters, and make a girl dress like a boy just for their satisfaction. "Ma" is the typical loyal wife who stands by her husband's side no matter what. I'm glad "Bobby" is finally free.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hi, Marijke, you've got me hate "Pa" as the story progresses. There are indeed many parents who prefer sons to daughters, and make a girl dress like a boy just for their satisfaction. "Ma" is the typical loyal wife who stands by her husband's side no matter what. I'm glad "Bobby" is finally free.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Hi Belinda, thank you for your review, and yes, Pa is not a nice man. She is a strong person, and is free.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from Cooper Watt
Solid story, Fiona George, I enjoyed it thoroughly. It held my attention throughout. What I liked best was the full-circle aspect--Bobby remembering the events in retrospect with us learning who Peter is and why she's waiting for him. Nicely played. Well paced.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Coop.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Solid story, Fiona George, I enjoyed it thoroughly. It held my attention throughout. What I liked best was the full-circle aspect--Bobby remembering the events in retrospect with us learning who Peter is and why she's waiting for him. Nicely played. Well paced.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Coop.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Thanks Cooper, I appreciate your kind comments and generous rating. Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment from Jonez08
So glad they stood up to her father, and it's about time. Now Bobby can have life. Great story. The only thing that bothered me was the overuse of 'Ma', especially in the beginning of the story and again at the end. Otherwise well done. Good luck and thanks so much for joining the contest!
Cassandra
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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So glad they stood up to her father, and it's about time. Now Bobby can have life. Great story. The only thing that bothered me was the overuse of 'Ma', especially in the beginning of the story and again at the end. Otherwise well done. Good luck and thanks so much for joining the contest!
Cassandra
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Thank you Cassandra, I appreciate your comments. I'll have another look at the use of Ma.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from tammipratt
FionaGeorge, a story about the coming of age, literally. I liked it, and I especially like the fact that there's another Aussie here.
I thought your dialogue in particular well done. It's often hard to pull off, but this line in particular is authentic.
As I went to say thank you to Peter, Pa started laughing. "What the bloody hell d'ya think she's gonna do wif that?" he roared, "She ain't got no use for pretty fings."
Well done.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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FionaGeorge, a story about the coming of age, literally. I liked it, and I especially like the fact that there's another Aussie here.
I thought your dialogue in particular well done. It's often hard to pull off, but this line in particular is authentic.
As I went to say thank you to Peter, Pa started laughing. "What the bloody hell d'ya think she's gonna do wif that?" he roared, "She ain't got no use for pretty fings."
Well done.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2010
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Thank you so much tammi, I appreciate the kind words and review, especially from another Aussie. Yes, it is difficult to pull off the dialogue without over doing it. I appreciate your comments in relation to this.
Warmest regards from Tassie
Marijke
Comment from Connie C
This is a touching story that definitely works to build character, in this case Bobby's character. The dialogue is effective in helping us to see clearly her abusive father. I imagine there was a word limit on this. I could have read more! Connie C
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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This is a touching story that definitely works to build character, in this case Bobby's character. The dialogue is effective in helping us to see clearly her abusive father. I imagine there was a word limit on this. I could have read more! Connie C
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Hi Connie, yes you are right, maximum words 1200. Have added that to author notes.
Thanks for your kind review and generous rating.
Warmest regards and hugs
Marijke
Comment from RaymondJohn
Very gripping story. I really wondered what the gun was for, and I was sure she was going to use it for suicide, though that's not the way women usually do it. Poignant and believable. One heck of a good read. Best wishes. Ray.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Very gripping story. I really wondered what the gun was for, and I was sure she was going to use it for suicide, though that's not the way women usually do it. Poignant and believable. One heck of a good read. Best wishes. Ray.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Hi Ray, thanks for your kind review and generous rating. I appreciate your comment "One heck of a good read". Thanks also for your best wishes.
Warmest regards
Marijke
Comment from MizKat
This is really a great story. It proves how strong a person can be without even realizing it. I did notice one small error, unless it was intentional. But today I freed myself off (of) my shackles.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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This is really a great story. It proves how strong a person can be without even realizing it. I did notice one small error, unless it was intentional. But today I freed myself off (of) my shackles.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Hi Kat,thanks for your kind review and generous rating, and your advice about the 'off'. I thought I had already fixed that, but obviously evil eddie didn't quite do what I wanted him to do! I will revisit.
Warmest regards and hugs
Marijke
Comment from Nanette Mary
Hullo Marijke ....
This is a most enjoyable and well-written short story.
Your have expressed your thoughts clearly, making for smooth and easy reading. There is just one small change to recommend ...
* You have - I freed myself off my shackles ... this should be - freed myself of my shackles ....
Thank you for sharing this with us. I enjoyed it.
With love from ....... Nanette Mary.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Hullo Marijke ....
This is a most enjoyable and well-written short story.
Your have expressed your thoughts clearly, making for smooth and easy reading. There is just one small change to recommend ...
* You have - I freed myself off my shackles ... this should be - freed myself of my shackles ....
Thank you for sharing this with us. I enjoyed it.
With love from ....... Nanette Mary.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Hi Nanette Mary, thanks for your generous comments and great review. I really enjoyed writing this, and thought I had already changed the 'off' snag, but will do again. Evil Eddie does some strange things sometimes.
Thanks again.
Warmest regards and hugs
Marijke
Comment from BethShelby
You have made a good story from this picture. It is well-developed and the characters seem real. The dialogue is very real. I like the fact that this girl who had been used by her father as a farmworker, showed her grit and declared her independance.
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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You have made a good story from this picture. It is well-developed and the characters seem real. The dialogue is very real. I like the fact that this girl who had been used by her father as a farmworker, showed her grit and declared her independance.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2010
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2010
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Thank you Beth, for your kind review and generous rating. Your warm comments, and that you enjoyed her showing her grit and gaining her independence.
Warmest regards and hugs
Marijke
