Immigration Control
A corps, alert to inhibiting alien subversion.18 total reviews
Comment from jayesnb
(Don 't) look around," she said. "Continue on. We'll take old State 99 at the interchange."...space
This was an interesting story ...A little hard to understand at times but the pace was well done and the writing crisp...
Great job and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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(Don 't) look around," she said. "Continue on. We'll take old State 99 at the interchange."...space
This was an interesting story ...A little hard to understand at times but the pace was well done and the writing crisp...
Great job and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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Master jayesnb,
Thanks for stopping by. You are most gracious in exploring what was a confusing post. I appreciate you for your patience.
Fantasist
Comment from tentwofifty
well written... provocative... rhymes are tight... brilliant imagery... keep letting that been bleed... thanks for sharing your talent...
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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well written... provocative... rhymes are tight... brilliant imagery... keep letting that been bleed... thanks for sharing your talent...
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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Master tentwofifty,
Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to know that these bits of whimsy move some to drop me an encouraging word.
Fantasist
Comment from knowledge
So doing another sifi are you? You did a good job here. It kept me reading and that is a sure sign of success.
Happy New Year My Friend,
Knowldge
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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So doing another sifi are you? You did a good job here. It kept me reading and that is a sure sign of success.
Happy New Year My Friend,
Knowldge
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2010
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Master knowledge and consort,
Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate this bit of your time for this fantasy, and the kind words of encouragement.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
CONTROLLED IMMIGRATION PASSAGE!
I liked this chapter of the fiction.
It flows well with the grace, gravity and grandeur of storyline capture in manipulation.
Setting is identifiably positive.
Locale is appropriate with right atmosphere making for reading pleasure.
Dialogues are contributory and realistic in manipulation.
Characterization is lively realistic round in the whole work.
The conclusive part is curiously reserved.
The horror aspect is rightly percolated.
It was a pleasant read.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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CONTROLLED IMMIGRATION PASSAGE!
I liked this chapter of the fiction.
It flows well with the grace, gravity and grandeur of storyline capture in manipulation.
Setting is identifiably positive.
Locale is appropriate with right atmosphere making for reading pleasure.
Dialogues are contributory and realistic in manipulation.
Characterization is lively realistic round in the whole work.
The conclusive part is curiously reserved.
The horror aspect is rightly percolated.
It was a pleasant read.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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Master AlcreatorLitterateur,
Greetings.
Your time to trip about this bit of whimsy is appreciated, and I thank you for that and the gracious affirmation.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
Comment from Valkarie
Allezw2...This story kept me glued to the screen throughout i thought your characters were very real, it became a little chilling at one point, but the way you described the driver switching gears, and the hitchhiker coming into view of his headlights was very visual.
I did get a little lost about who was saying what at one point and had to re-read it a few time to get back on track. Other than that is was a great story, waiting for the next part.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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Allezw2...This story kept me glued to the screen throughout i thought your characters were very real, it became a little chilling at one point, but the way you described the driver switching gears, and the hitchhiker coming into view of his headlights was very visual.
I did get a little lost about who was saying what at one point and had to re-read it a few time to get back on track. Other than that is was a great story, waiting for the next part.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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Master Valkarie,
I worked on an experimental bomber called Valkyrie.
Thanks for the careful reading.
The points you made are well taken and I thank you for that.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
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No problem Allezw...looking forward to the next part like I said...
V...
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Allezw...Yes I'm a little experimental too Ha Ha...good work keep it up.
V...
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Writing for most of us here is experimental only in the sense of an imagination creating a universe unique to the author, though presented in the "correct" formatting required by contemporary grammar.
Ever read Cormac McCarthy's "The Road"?
No quotations. Dialog is indicated by indenting the words. No quotation marks. It is a kick when you first open the cover and run into that style.
Comment from irishauthorme
Very tight writing, and you kept the story moving with good dialogue. I was thrown off a little trying to keep track of who was talking, a few more speech tags would have helped, but no biggee.
You fleshed your characters out well, and it's easy to see that you write from experience and also some research,
Good job.
Cheers, irish
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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Very tight writing, and you kept the story moving with good dialogue. I was thrown off a little trying to keep track of who was talking, a few more speech tags would have helped, but no biggee.
You fleshed your characters out well, and it's easy to see that you write from experience and also some research,
Good job.
Cheers, irish
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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Master irishauthorme,
I thank you for the considered comments.
The points you made are well taken and point on.
Thank you,
Fantasist
Comment from mbroyles2
A very intriguing story.
I think the characters are well developed.
I got lost a little in the dialogue.
Couldn't tell there for a moment what was going on, and who actually was talking, and who was thinking.
It made the story difficult to read at the pace intended.
The plot is excellent though, and the imagery is very well placed.
Good luck in the contest.
Michael
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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A very intriguing story.
I think the characters are well developed.
I got lost a little in the dialogue.
Couldn't tell there for a moment what was going on, and who actually was talking, and who was thinking.
It made the story difficult to read at the pace intended.
The plot is excellent though, and the imagery is very well placed.
Good luck in the contest.
Michael
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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Master mbroyles2,
Thanks for stopping by. Especially, welcome to the URL. I do appreciate meeting new authors taking the time to coment on my bits of whimsy.
The points you made are well taken and I believe improved by your efforts.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
Comment from jmdg1954
WOW..... nicely written story that had defined charectors, kept my interest sentence to sentence until the end. Would like to read some of the other storylines that go with this... John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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WOW..... nicely written story that had defined charectors, kept my interest sentence to sentence until the end. Would like to read some of the other storylines that go with this... John
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2010
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2010
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Master jmdg1954,
Thanks for stopping by. If this bit of whimsy captured a moment of real time, I am pleased.
Live long and write well,
Fantasist
