The Ice Princess
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapters 10 - 11"Love, Hate, Conflicts and Fear
26 total reviews
Comment from MJMuraco
The suspense in your story is building as I read it. Great writing if if makes the reader want to read the next chapter to see what happens next.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2009
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The suspense in your story is building as I read it. Great writing if if makes the reader want to read the next chapter to see what happens next.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2009
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MJ
My goodness you were a busy reader...I think you almost read everything I had posted. Wow!! Thanks so much. Smiles to you, Carol
Comment from --Turtle.
Hey Carol, read this chapter... I thought it progressed the kidnapping plot points along well... have a few questions/ comments though
our local team found no significant leads
(who are the our local teams referring to... reporters?)
Reilly was trembling/(trembled)
She was gaining/(gained) a new respect for her clients
Teams of officers were going(went) door to door, interviewing people
Questions were flying(flew) out her mouth
I thing the dialog was strong in this chapter... not to many pov jumps
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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Hey Carol, read this chapter... I thought it progressed the kidnapping plot points along well... have a few questions/ comments though
our local team found no significant leads
(who are the our local teams referring to... reporters?)
Reilly was trembling/(trembled)
She was gaining/(gained) a new respect for her clients
Teams of officers were going(went) door to door, interviewing people
Questions were flying(flew) out her mouth
I thing the dialog was strong in this chapter... not to many pov jumps
Comment Written 13-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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turtlestage
I was rereading the story tonight and have made changes on my Microsoft page but I haven't transferred over hear. Appreciate you reminding me though. I am still trying to cut words out...And I still need to connect Sherrie to
Shaker. I am getting worn thin...Smiles, Carol
Comment from Nobie
Carol,
I am hooked. I can't stop reading. I hate that little Macy was kidnapped but I must admit I breathed easier when I read about the ransom. (hoping that means the serial killer doesn't have her).
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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Carol,
I am hooked. I can't stop reading. I hate that little Macy was kidnapped but I must admit I breathed easier when I read about the ransom. (hoping that means the serial killer doesn't have her).
Comment Written 13-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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Nobie
Might have been a clue, huh? Or a way to throw you off...Appreciate you taking the time to read the book. Thanks again Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You have me on the edge of my seat.
12 Noon tomorrow (take out 12 and use lower case noon)
shaking uncontrollably (You should use trembling here, so you can get rid of the 'ly' word. It takes away from the action, yet means the same.)
FBI agents immediately checked for a trace (Again don't use 'ly' word, The FBI agents went into action and checked the trac.)
See if someone recognizes him. (End "'s.)
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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You have me on the edge of my seat.
12 Noon tomorrow (take out 12 and use lower case noon)
shaking uncontrollably (You should use trembling here, so you can get rid of the 'ly' word. It takes away from the action, yet means the same.)
FBI agents immediately checked for a trace (Again don't use 'ly' word, The FBI agents went into action and checked the trac.)
See if someone recognizes him. (End "'s.)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 13-Oct-2009
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Barbara
Thank heavens I have you to catch my nits. thank you so much. I have fixed them asap. Appreciate the help. Carol
Comment from AnnaLinda
Carole,
This is extraordinary! It moves fast and I had expected that photo to look like the dad. ..but it's a pizza delivery guy.
Only 25,000 for her daughter. That is not that much.
I really enjoyed this one!
"and she's going to okay." (be)~after to)
SweetLinda
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Carole,
This is extraordinary! It moves fast and I had expected that photo to look like the dad. ..but it's a pizza delivery guy.
Only 25,000 for her daughter. That is not that much.
I really enjoyed this one!
"and she's going to okay." (be)~after to)
SweetLinda
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Linda
Oops! Should be $250,000 i will take a quick look at that! Thanks so much. CArol
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oh I think that is what you did have ~ I still think that is not too much.
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
I coulda given you a six for any of these chapters, and I'm sure for the subsequent chapters, but since this one didn't make me blush, this one gets it. :) Besides, the emotions you have expressed are so doggone real! I can imaging losing one of my own, you tell it so well.
I'm so glad that the kidnappers are dense! But I hope Trent and his girlfriend don't panic and hurt little Macy.
John
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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I coulda given you a six for any of these chapters, and I'm sure for the subsequent chapters, but since this one didn't make me blush, this one gets it. :) Besides, the emotions you have expressed are so doggone real! I can imaging losing one of my own, you tell it so well.
I'm so glad that the kidnappers are dense! But I hope Trent and his girlfriend don't panic and hurt little Macy.
John
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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John
Wow...Thank you so much for all your support through out this story and for the unbelievable stars. You are a fantastic friend and I greatly appreciate all your input into the story. Thank you so much! Smiles to you, my friend. Carol
Comment from Rain Chapman
If it is Reilly's ex doing this then how come she doesn't recognize his picture? Hmm. I hope it is not the crazy guy killing all those kids who's got her daughter. I thought I knew where this was going but you have taken a turn and now I just don't know. Excellent work :)
Lorraine :)
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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If it is Reilly's ex doing this then how come she doesn't recognize his picture? Hmm. I hope it is not the crazy guy killing all those kids who's got her daughter. I thought I knew where this was going but you have taken a turn and now I just don't know. Excellent work :)
Lorraine :)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Lorraine,
Then I did my job...keeping you in suspense! Thanks for reading and the kind review. Carol
Comment from Sasha
I cannot imagine anything worse than having your child kidnapped. What a horrendous experience. I wasn't expecting the sketch to be of the pizza drive, I was expecting it to be Trent. You have me in a frenzy. I need to know what happens next.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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I cannot imagine anything worse than having your child kidnapped. What a horrendous experience. I wasn't expecting the sketch to be of the pizza drive, I was expecting it to be Trent. You have me in a frenzy. I need to know what happens next.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Sash
I am glad that you were surprised. Makes it even better when you discover who it was...Thanks for the great review. Carol
Comment from Suzie B
I love it Carol, the story is chillingly real.
As a mystery/crime piece it's so very good, just needs a little more of the "Breathless", part...I know thats gonna be difficult to introduce in this type of tension...perhaps just a paragraph or so of Reilly and Max cuddled up together in comfort. My personal view is that this stands on its own...however I'm unsure if this chapter gives the publisher enough of the steamy stuff they appear to want...your call my friend..I love it as is...but is it what they want...damn This is a hard call for any good author to make...do you give em what they want...or stay true to the plot??
have a look at some of the work on their site, and see if the genre is compatable with what you have written.
Either way IMO this is excellent writing.
good luck and big hugs
Suzie
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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I love it Carol, the story is chillingly real.
As a mystery/crime piece it's so very good, just needs a little more of the "Breathless", part...I know thats gonna be difficult to introduce in this type of tension...perhaps just a paragraph or so of Reilly and Max cuddled up together in comfort. My personal view is that this stands on its own...however I'm unsure if this chapter gives the publisher enough of the steamy stuff they appear to want...your call my friend..I love it as is...but is it what they want...damn This is a hard call for any good author to make...do you give em what they want...or stay true to the plot??
have a look at some of the work on their site, and see if the genre is compatable with what you have written.
Either way IMO this is excellent writing.
good luck and big hugs
Suzie
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Suzie
My problem is that I am going over my 10,000 word limit already. I caught an error which I need to somehow correct which will add more words...can't tell you until you finish reading 8...then I'll ask an opinion. Thanks Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Begin,
What I like about this chapter you have some excellent leads to who the Kidnapper could be. Makes it very interesting for the reader to follow your mystery clues.
I hope Rilley will calm down.
Will be looking for the next chapter
Gert
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Hello Begin,
What I like about this chapter you have some excellent leads to who the Kidnapper could be. Makes it very interesting for the reader to follow your mystery clues.
I hope Rilley will calm down.
Will be looking for the next chapter
Gert
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Gert
Thank you for the kind review. I am glad that you connected to one of the characters. Thanks again Carol
