The Ice Princess
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Gasping for Air - Why Me?"Love, Hate, Conflicts and Fear
28 total reviews
Comment from Rain Chapman
What a jerk, no wonder Reilly divorced him and it sounds like it was a good thing he stayed away from her and her daughter. It also sounds like he might be making plans to see them again soon. Couple things for you to peek at.
Things that were mine. I am living like yesterday's trash." - just a thought, in other places you have Trent using contractions. This line stood out because it didn't.
Preo - not sure what this is, it is by itself at the end of the chapter.
I'm off to the next one.
Lorraine :)
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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What a jerk, no wonder Reilly divorced him and it sounds like it was a good thing he stayed away from her and her daughter. It also sounds like he might be making plans to see them again soon. Couple things for you to peek at.
Things that were mine. I am living like yesterday's trash." - just a thought, in other places you have Trent using contractions. This line stood out because it didn't.
Preo - not sure what this is, it is by itself at the end of the chapter.
I'm off to the next one.
Lorraine :)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Lorraine
Thanks for catching the nits...I have been trying to reduce the word count so I may have accidentally transferred something. I'll check it out. Carol
Comment from LiveLoveDie
Again, very good.
Some errors, but other than that, great story.
I like the ending. It definitely leaves the imagination wondering what's going to happen. And what exactly she meant by that line...
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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Again, very good.
Some errors, but other than that, great story.
I like the ending. It definitely leaves the imagination wondering what's going to happen. And what exactly she meant by that line...
Comment Written 12-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2009
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LiveLoveDie
Thanks for continuing to read my story. I greatly appreciate it. Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
HUMMMMMMMMMM, the plot thickens. I wondered why you brought Trent into this. I didn't see a reason, now I see possibilities. Good writing. I can't wait to see what you do with it./
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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HUMMMMMMMMMM, the plot thickens. I wondered why you brought Trent into this. I didn't see a reason, now I see possibilities. Good writing. I can't wait to see what you do with it./
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Barbara
Thanks so much. Glad to see I have you guessing so it isn't too obvious. Thanks again CArol
Comment from redglasses
Great opening line! Great ending! Here are some technical suggestions. "counter top" is 1 word; Make it After Reilly HAD divorced him; his life HAD GONE downhill; old friends soon began to distance themselves, avoiding his eyes, as if he was a stranger; change tense: He'd BEEN SITTING in a corner bar . . .Yesterday he HAD BEEN fired; a second look by most women, Sherrie INCLUDED; HER HUNGER WAS PALPABLE as she moved . . .removed the towel with her teeth AND PLACED ...teasing him, CONTROLLING HIM. SHE REVELLED IN HER POWER AS HIS REGGED BREATH FILLED THE ROOM... depleted for the moment, he MANAGED to carry . . until they simultaneously climaxed. OMIT TOGET _ redundant; OMIT thre whole sentence " She screamed in wild abandon . . . AND TURNED on the television; The sex had definitely DONE THE JOB; snarled into it, WHAT?... wasn't any proof, but THE WORD ON THE STREET WAS he'd knocked-off two GUYS ; riled up this morning- PUN INTENDED????? OMIT SHERRIE SOUNDED CONCERNED
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Great opening line! Great ending! Here are some technical suggestions. "counter top" is 1 word; Make it After Reilly HAD divorced him; his life HAD GONE downhill; old friends soon began to distance themselves, avoiding his eyes, as if he was a stranger; change tense: He'd BEEN SITTING in a corner bar . . .Yesterday he HAD BEEN fired; a second look by most women, Sherrie INCLUDED; HER HUNGER WAS PALPABLE as she moved . . .removed the towel with her teeth AND PLACED ...teasing him, CONTROLLING HIM. SHE REVELLED IN HER POWER AS HIS REGGED BREATH FILLED THE ROOM... depleted for the moment, he MANAGED to carry . . until they simultaneously climaxed. OMIT TOGET _ redundant; OMIT thre whole sentence " She screamed in wild abandon . . . AND TURNED on the television; The sex had definitely DONE THE JOB; snarled into it, WHAT?... wasn't any proof, but THE WORD ON THE STREET WAS he'd knocked-off two GUYS ; riled up this morning- PUN INTENDED????? OMIT SHERRIE SOUNDED CONCERNED
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Redglasses
I've been working on my drafts all day long so most of these changes I have already made. I just haven't been able to transfer the new copy yet, but I thank you for your suggestions. When I reread them now after being away for a few days, I see my errors much easier. Fresh eyes and ideas, I guess. Thanks for the review. Carol
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Would it be helpful to you for me to continue reviewing the next chapters?
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Redglasses
I certainly will leave that option open to you, but i got the impression that you might not want to do that. I always appreciate any help I get. At the moment I have to cut 400 words , add one character situation and finish the book. As I proofed I realized I'd missed something...not too many have caught on to it, but I did. Just trying to figure out how to do it. Thanks again. Carol
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I hope you're not talking about my silly post. I honestly thought you'd find that funny. I have such an offbeat sense of humor, occasionally it gets me into trouble. I hope you'll take it in the spirit that it was meant - just meant to be good fun. I was never making fun of you. I was making fun of the genre. And don't tell me that you and the genre are one and the same. I know you're a whole lot more.
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I hope you're not talking about my silly post. I honestly thought you'd find that funny. I have such an offbeat sense of humor, occasionally it gets me into trouble. I hope you'll take it in the spirit that it was meant - just meant to be good fun. I was never making fun of you. I was making fun of the genre. And don't tell me that you and the genre are one and the same. I know you're a whole lot more.
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No, I don't consider this story to be me at all. As for the sense of humor, actually I have a great one, I just wasn't sure what the purpose was...not that it really matters...I'm fine. Everyone makes their own choice of what to write and that's exactly how it should be. I admire your writing ...that just wasn't one of my favorites.. But it's not a problem at all.
Comment from anabellapongasi
Well I wasn't expecting another sex scene in this chapter but too late now, I've read it. If it is really needed in the story, fine but for me it's a little too detailed. (maybe it's just me because of my conservative culture).
What a way to meet Trent the ex-husband and his current woman.
Both are interesting characters and I'm curious to know what they're up to. So I'll read on...
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Well I wasn't expecting another sex scene in this chapter but too late now, I've read it. If it is really needed in the story, fine but for me it's a little too detailed. (maybe it's just me because of my conservative culture).
What a way to meet Trent the ex-husband and his current woman.
Both are interesting characters and I'm curious to know what they're up to. So I'll read on...
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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anabella
I normally don't write these types of scenes, but for this contest that is what is requested. Thanks for sticking with me..The last chapters 7-8-9 don't have any of thes scenes. Carol
Comment from adewpearl
Carol, Lots of drama in this chapter, from the depths of panic at having to come up with money or else to the heights of sexual passion - the dialogue reflects each mood effectively, and the storyline kept me interested throughout. Brooke
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Carol, Lots of drama in this chapter, from the depths of panic at having to come up with money or else to the heights of sexual passion - the dialogue reflects each mood effectively, and the storyline kept me interested throughout. Brooke
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Brooke
Thank you for your thoughts on the story. I hope it has lived up to your expectations. It's so different for me to write sexual scenes... but I guess that's what they are expecting. Thanks for the review. Carol
Comment from second thought
"Well this is a little steamy for me. It is well written but carry my mind where I don't want to be so for those who want it this is a great story. This is fact.
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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"Well this is a little steamy for me. It is well written but carry my mind where I don't want to be so for those who want it this is a great story. This is fact.
Comment Written 11-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 11-Oct-2009
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Second thought
Sorry about that but for the contest it ws requested...Publishing company wants a steamy romance. I don't usually write that way, but I would like a chance at a contract so here I am giving it a try. Thanks for the review. Carol
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Hey! Everything is great. Just for religious reasons I have to back off. Have to make sure my mind is a able to relate to wife and not the broader world. Left that life long ago. Was a little wild then to old to be foolish enough to return. Your writings shows a master at work. So inspired by you and others going back to school to become hopefully a master in my area of interest. Of cause I'll be a little naugthy and peak a little to see where you are going in fanstory and the world of writers.
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I would advise skipping chapter six for the sensual scene but 7 = 8 =9 don't have anything at all in them. It's just a kidnapping story and a joyous reunion in the rest of it. Thank you so much for reading. Crol
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You're funny. Thanks.
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Last statement isn't meant to offend. It's my way of saying I appreciate your concern.
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None taken...I respect everyone's beliefs and thoughts. That's why if you were interest in reading I wanted you to know it was safe for chapters 7-8-9- which is the ending. Thanks and have a nice day! Carol
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likewise.
Comment from Phil Kitom
Well Carol this book has certainly started well
and from a male perspective really rose to the
occasion in its descriptive and extremely
enjoyable acts of passion. I would say that
it has certainly started with the X factor...
Very good...
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
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Well Carol this book has certainly started well
and from a male perspective really rose to the
occasion in its descriptive and extremely
enjoyable acts of passion. I would say that
it has certainly started with the X factor...
Very good...
Comment Written 10-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
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Phil
Oh, thanks for the big smile this morning. I really needed to heat that! You are so good to me! Smiles, CArol
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that is because you are special x
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Thank you for the beautiful comment! Carol
Comment from Belinda
Maybe because I do not read these chapters in a row, at first I'm a bit confused with this chapter. Who is Trent? Why all of a sudden the spotlight moves to this man? But after peeping to the former chapters, I understand. May I suggest that you write something in the author notes to prepare the readers? All in all, well written as usual, Carol.
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
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Maybe because I do not read these chapters in a row, at first I'm a bit confused with this chapter. Who is Trent? Why all of a sudden the spotlight moves to this man? But after peeping to the former chapters, I understand. May I suggest that you write something in the author notes to prepare the readers? All in all, well written as usual, Carol.
Comment Written 10-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
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Belinda
My friend. are you not reading from start to finish...you will lose the impact. Trent (a suggested lover in chapter one) and then and ex-husband throughout. Thanks for the suggestions. CArol
Comment from Sarabran
Another excellent chapter of your novel. So much suspense that keeps you wanting to find out more. I'm wondering how Trent will get out of this one. I am ready to read the next chapter. Sara :)
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
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Another excellent chapter of your novel. So much suspense that keeps you wanting to find out more. I'm wondering how Trent will get out of this one. I am ready to read the next chapter. Sara :)
Comment Written 10-Oct-2009
reply by the author on 10-Oct-2009
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Sara
Thank you for your continuing support I greatly appreciate it and I am pleased that you are enjoying the book. Carol :)
