She
an ottava rima12 total reviews
Comment from EllieKaye
Clever you!
Fantastic take on the contest word choices, my friend.
I imagine someone would have to be at her lowest to do this, but I am admittedly sheltered.
Fine job. I feel like I can see her and feel her pain.
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Clever you!
Fantastic take on the contest word choices, my friend.
I imagine someone would have to be at her lowest to do this, but I am admittedly sheltered.
Fine job. I feel like I can see her and feel her pain.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Thanks for a great review. I wanted to write something about the patriarchy of our society.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Alvin,
do you realize how good your poems are getting lately The form you selected ( ottava rima) Telling a sad but a story of so many women in this modern age
Excellent
Good luck in the contest.
Gert
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Alvin,
do you realize how good your poems are getting lately The form you selected ( ottava rima) Telling a sad but a story of so many women in this modern age
Excellent
Good luck in the contest.
Gert
Comment Written 29-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 08-May-2009
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Yes, they became very depressing for a while, but tonight I am posting a haiku and a tanka. I am back to a balanced self. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from Joan E.
You are very kind to add the warning; I saw a piece on Saturday that began with full frontal nudity and there was no warning. I did not notice the listing at first, and was surprised to learn that you were working with required words--seamless. My favorite phrase was "give her hire" and your "trap" metaphor. Of course, I enjoyed your pure rhymes very much.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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You are very kind to add the warning; I saw a piece on Saturday that began with full frontal nudity and there was no warning. I did not notice the listing at first, and was surprised to learn that you were working with required words--seamless. My favorite phrase was "give her hire" and your "trap" metaphor. Of course, I enjoyed your pure rhymes very much.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Thank you for a very kind review. Yes, I believe warnings are quite necessary. I am pleased you thought the use of the required words was seamless--it wasn't easy. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from bard owl
The words of this contest certainly do lend themselves to the subject of your sad poem. It is horrific that so many women worldwide are caught in the sex-for-hire trade and it is equally sad that human desire causes a need for it. Excellent contest entry, Alvin. You seemlessly used the contest words in the text of you poem. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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The words of this contest certainly do lend themselves to the subject of your sad poem. It is horrific that so many women worldwide are caught in the sex-for-hire trade and it is equally sad that human desire causes a need for it. Excellent contest entry, Alvin. You seemlessly used the contest words in the text of you poem. Best of luck in the contest. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Thank you. You are very kind. When I saw the list of the words, all I could think of was the sorrow of the women of the world. Thanks again for a good review.
Comment from lola29
You have so brilliantly told a story about what happens to so many people who "have fallen through the cracks." We never know what we would do until we have walked in their shoes. Bravo!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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You have so brilliantly told a story about what happens to so many people who "have fallen through the cracks." We never know what we would do until we have walked in their shoes. Bravo!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Thanks. It was difficult to use the required words, keep true to a poetic form, and tell a story! I am glad it worked. Thanks again for a good review.
Comment from adewpearl
I'm impressed that you worked these words so seamlessly into this form poem while staying so true to the form and while telling a most poignant story!! This should be a strong contest contender. Brooke :-)
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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I'm impressed that you worked these words so seamlessly into this form poem while staying so true to the form and while telling a most poignant story!! This should be a strong contest contender. Brooke :-)
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Thank you; you are very kind. Believe me, this wasn't easy!
Comment from honeytree
I really feel for people who have to turn to prostitution to feed their children and maybe their children may do the same.
I feel for the families but I cannot do much except to talk to them and help in this way.
Great writing.
Honeytree.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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I really feel for people who have to turn to prostitution to feed their children and maybe their children may do the same.
I feel for the families but I cannot do much except to talk to them and help in this way.
Great writing.
Honeytree.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Yes, this is a place where America is sadly lacking in social services. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Judian James
"Upon her heart drug dealers and pimps prey
She wishes love could sing and give her fire
She's caught in this wrong trap of man's desire" Bravo!!!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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"Upon her heart drug dealers and pimps prey
She wishes love could sing and give her fire
She's caught in this wrong trap of man's desire" Bravo!!!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Yes, I wanted to write something about the plight of woman and the words for this contest just lent themselves to that. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from PUPA
Hi Alvin,
I like and enjoy new forms, this ottava rima is interesting. Where can I read about different forms?
A strong contest entry with a story that unfortunately keeps repeating intself decade after decade. Women sell themselves, while men steal or kill at desperate times (like now!!).
Good luck, hope you are well.
Love
Pupa
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Hi Alvin,
I like and enjoy new forms, this ottava rima is interesting. Where can I read about different forms?
A strong contest entry with a story that unfortunately keeps repeating intself decade after decade. Women sell themselves, while men steal or kill at desperate times (like now!!).
Good luck, hope you are well.
Love
Pupa
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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If you google either "Shadow Poetry" or "Poetry Soup", what comes up will explain poetic forms. I am glad (though sad at the same time--I am sure you understand) you caught the cyclical nature of the sad story. Thanks for a good review.
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Thanks Alvin!Pupa
Comment from CammyCards
You have done very well using all 8 words. The poem really flows well. I think I would have put in SOME punctuation, if only at the end. Also I think I would have said "men's desire", rather than "man's". The rhyming and rhythm are both good. Good Luck with the contest.
CammyCards
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reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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You have done very well using all 8 words. The poem really flows well. I think I would have put in SOME punctuation, if only at the end. Also I think I would have said "men's desire", rather than "man's". The rhyming and rhythm are both good. Good Luck with the contest.
CammyCards
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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For clarification, I think "man's desire" is more early modern (Tudor/Stuart) English, while "men's desire" is more contemporary English and closer to French. I thought about punctuation and will look at it again with your review in mind. Thanks for a good copy editing review.
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You are most welcome. I just thought that using the plural would emphasize that she sold herself to the general male takes.
CammyCards
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That's a very good point, and one I need to ponder. Thank you for making me think.