Devil's Trap
beware of the shimmering gold28 total reviews
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello PUPA what wonderful use of the required words for the contest
A good message - beware of the shimmering gold
Good luck
Gert
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Hello PUPA what wonderful use of the required words for the contest
A good message - beware of the shimmering gold
Good luck
Gert
Comment Written 29-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Thanks Gert, appreciate it.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Just2Write
You did a good job in using up the words allotted for the contest. I liked your innovative thought too. We do often just sing along, never realizing that the tune we are humming is leading us to disaster. Rose.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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You did a good job in using up the words allotted for the contest. I liked your innovative thought too. We do often just sing along, never realizing that the tune we are humming is leading us to disaster. Rose.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Thanks Rose, glad you liked it.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Beeswax008
Pupa, your poem is the gospel truth. The devil is out to deceive anyone he can. I hope anyone who reads your poem will be touched by it. I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Pupa, your poem is the gospel truth. The devil is out to deceive anyone he can. I hope anyone who reads your poem will be touched by it. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Thank you so much, also for the kind wishes.
Glad you liked it.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Larry5000
Hello I to entered the same contest and so far I see you are doing well, actually much better then me.
I really liked your poem the only thing I would say is, that certain lines seem a bit forced, but that is just me. I like things that seem to flow well. For example:
Some eyes were blinded by the shine
not realizing what went wrong
heard the spiteful devil sing
and their voices humed along
Changing that little bit seem to help the second verse alot
Too late for those who lost their souls
they bought what he had to sell
their feelings of love, in each heart
all burned in flames of hell.
Just a few words changes seem to do better..Again this was in my opinion only. I wish you the best in this contest.
Larry
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Hello I to entered the same contest and so far I see you are doing well, actually much better then me.
I really liked your poem the only thing I would say is, that certain lines seem a bit forced, but that is just me. I like things that seem to flow well. For example:
Some eyes were blinded by the shine
not realizing what went wrong
heard the spiteful devil sing
and their voices humed along
Changing that little bit seem to help the second verse alot
Too late for those who lost their souls
they bought what he had to sell
their feelings of love, in each heart
all burned in flames of hell.
Just a few words changes seem to do better..Again this was in my opinion only. I wish you the best in this contest.
Larry
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Thanks Larry, I appreciate your suggestions and kind support, also your kind wishes.
Love
Pupa
Comment from AlvinTEthington
I take it you left out "hate" (or I can't find it), which is perfectly acceptable. I like the supernatural feel of this poem. You point out well the consequences of evil and greed. Good use of the abcb rhyme scheme and superb imagery. The last stanza is amazing in its insight.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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I take it you left out "hate" (or I can't find it), which is perfectly acceptable. I like the supernatural feel of this poem. You point out well the consequences of evil and greed. Good use of the abcb rhyme scheme and superb imagery. The last stanza is amazing in its insight.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2009
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Thanks Alvin, I actually had hate somewhere, now I can't find it either!LOL Glad I lost it while changing a little bit before posting, no need for hate!
Love
Pupa
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Very well done -- cleverly
thoughtout -- have used the
words given -- flows smoothly
with excellent rhyme.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Very well done -- cleverly
thoughtout -- have used the
words given -- flows smoothly
with excellent rhyme.
Good luck with the contest, my friend.
Margaret.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Thanks Margaret, I apppreciat it.
Love
Pupa
Comment from wierdgrace
another great poem from you, I love to read, and a great entry for this contest, you used all the words and the emotion, and the structure were perfect. thank you so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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another great poem from you, I love to read, and a great entry for this contest, you used all the words and the emotion, and the structure were perfect. thank you so much for sharing.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Thanks so much for your most encouraging review.
Love
Pupa
Comment from Pacinogal
Dear Pupa, how are you today?
This is a marvelous post. You can tell you
didn't strain with any word and got them all in there. Now
that's talent. Great job! Kindly, Kathy
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Dear Pupa, how are you today?
This is a marvelous post. You can tell you
didn't strain with any word and got them all in there. Now
that's talent. Great job! Kindly, Kathy
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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I'm fine thank you. Thanks Kathy, your review is most encouraging.
Love
Pupa
You're very welcome.
Warmly,
Kathy
Comment from SLIMTOPPLAYER
The devil is very deceitful. He's always trying to steal our soul, by making everything he do look good, and if we don't know God he'll blind us into it buying it. That's just the way Satan works. This a good poem that describe Satan in every detail. We know that God is real, but a lot of people don't know that Satan is real too. I had a child to asked me once, who was Satan. I was shocked. I thought everybody knew about Satan. I think that why people do the thing they do, not thinking about the consequence which I think people needs to think about, because ther is one. Just like there is a heaven and hell.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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The devil is very deceitful. He's always trying to steal our soul, by making everything he do look good, and if we don't know God he'll blind us into it buying it. That's just the way Satan works. This a good poem that describe Satan in every detail. We know that God is real, but a lot of people don't know that Satan is real too. I had a child to asked me once, who was Satan. I was shocked. I thought everybody knew about Satan. I think that why people do the thing they do, not thinking about the consequence which I think people needs to think about, because ther is one. Just like there is a heaven and hell.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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SLIMTOPPLAYER, I am humbled by all those stars you gave me, you made my day! Thanks for such a great review and rating.
Love
Pupa
Comment from joan marie
The selection of words are good this time. But you really brought them to life. Great metaphor for life and the obstacles we let stop us from doing the right thing. joan marie
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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The selection of words are good this time. But you really brought them to life. Great metaphor for life and the obstacles we let stop us from doing the right thing. joan marie
Comment Written 27-Apr-2009
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2009
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Joan Marie, thanks for your support and uplifting comments.
Love
Pupa
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You're welcome, jm