CSP: A Collection of Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 146 "Warmth Lies Dormant"A collection of poetry
131 total reviews
Comment from daysofdeath1
though this haiku is well written, it doesnt jump out or reach my heart, maybe if you tried using more passion in your writing. may i suggest something like
"with the winter death comes life"
that would catch a readers eye and make them think about the subject
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though this haiku is well written, it doesnt jump out or reach my heart, maybe if you tried using more passion in your writing. may i suggest something like
"with the winter death comes life"
that would catch a readers eye and make them think about the subject
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from George Rivers
I think you have a strong entry in the contest here. No conflicts with the requirement.
The second line is well-written and provides a nice mental image. The last line could be revised to provide more of an image, but otherwise, very nice.
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I think you have a strong entry in the contest here. No conflicts with the requirement.
The second line is well-written and provides a nice mental image. The last line could be revised to provide more of an image, but otherwise, very nice.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from bluefly
Hi kid,
This is a beautiful and very well constructed haiku. Using a black and white pix to accentuate the bleakness described so perfectly in your words works great.
Very Nicely Done!
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Hi kid,
This is a beautiful and very well constructed haiku. Using a black and white pix to accentuate the bleakness described so perfectly in your words works great.
Very Nicely Done!
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from The Unlikely author
the ground and anyone who despises the sight of too much white stuff wait for spring... This is a nice collection of words and the way one season devours another.
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the ground and anyone who despises the sight of too much white stuff wait for spring... This is a nice collection of words and the way one season devours another.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from LYLE
Sixteezkid,
The thought of raising six children into adulthood would be enough to put me over the edge of the ledge:) You may be new at writing poetry, but you certainly have the talent to do so. Your images are very, very good, as evidenced in the above piece. I never thought about winter blanching and consuming autumn colors: extremely creative.
Fondly, Lyle
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Sixteezkid,
The thought of raising six children into adulthood would be enough to put me over the edge of the ledge:) You may be new at writing poetry, but you certainly have the talent to do so. Your images are very, very good, as evidenced in the above piece. I never thought about winter blanching and consuming autumn colors: extremely creative.
Fondly, Lyle
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from gerry26
This is great, you told an entire story in three short lines. Your art work fits so perfectly. This is the line I enjoyed the ground waits for spring.
gerry
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This is great, you told an entire story in three short lines. Your art work fits so perfectly. This is the line I enjoyed the ground waits for spring.
gerry
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from daviwake
I have read some very good haiku in this contest and yours is up there with the best. I do not write this lightly. Why is it good? Alliteration is one reasone "bite blanches"; "consuming" and "colors" - even though you spell it the American way (lol). And the "gr"s of "ground" and "spring" which give it a grounding bit in the final line.
"Bite blanches" I think is the best part of it - although the alliteration links it, the meanings clash - the harshness of bite with the draining idea of blanching and the juxtaposition creates a tension.
On a lower level the image and typography also help it.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2008
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I have read some very good haiku in this contest and yours is up there with the best. I do not write this lightly. Why is it good? Alliteration is one reasone "bite blanches"; "consuming" and "colors" - even though you spell it the American way (lol). And the "gr"s of "ground" and "spring" which give it a grounding bit in the final line.
"Bite blanches" I think is the best part of it - although the alliteration links it, the meanings clash - the harshness of bite with the draining idea of blanching and the juxtaposition creates a tension.
On a lower level the image and typography also help it.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2008
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David, again you have been very specific in your review and I appreciate it because I like to hear what the reader sees/hears.
My first attempt at haiku and was pleased that I challenged myself! I really enjoyed the process. Thank you so much for your most kind review. And am so glad you enjoyed it!
Sincerely,
Sue
Comment from Stuart7
Dear Lady
What a lovely mind you have to come up with such
beautiful words. It was my pleasure to read your
short and very meaningful poetry. Regards Stuart.
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Dear Lady
What a lovely mind you have to come up with such
beautiful words. It was my pleasure to read your
short and very meaningful poetry. Regards Stuart.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from Word Weaver
Excellent! I liked the picture you painted through this Haiku. The world seemed to silently accept Winter as it waited for Spring. Thanks for sharing this great poem..
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Excellent! I liked the picture you painted through this Haiku. The world seemed to silently accept Winter as it waited for Spring. Thanks for sharing this great poem..
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008
Comment from P1
i cannot write these and make them sound like anything
this is well written and the picture is perfect
pleasure to read your words hugs. lynda.
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i cannot write these and make them sound like anything
this is well written and the picture is perfect
pleasure to read your words hugs. lynda.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2008