Comment from heyjude

Excellent

Jan,
A woman scorned. Too bad he learned to late of what she'd
do to someone who cheated on her. Good luck in your entry for the contest. 41 lines sounds pretty good to me. I've never done that many.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008

I've done a few long ones but they were from pure emotion; never one like this. Thanks, heyjude. love, jan

Comment from serenityjs

Excellent

Jan,

I can see within your writing this animosty, and hidden anger, it comes across so clearly, shows me that this healing is a journey, one that i am just starting....

i wish you well in the contest...

love jen

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008

healing is a process and a journey. I do have anger that is hidden but well-controlled now, for the most part. I use my writing to express it. love, jan

Comment from davidray

Excellent

Yeah ... so your true colours are showing its ugly face now, right? Tee hee hee. A very good entry into this contest. I enjoyed reading about the woman scorned.
Best wishes in the contest, Jan!
Always,
David xxxxx

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008

well, David, since you've been so honest by talking about the man who cannot please his wife, I felt it the only fair thing to do. Each of us has a dark side, I fear. Love, Jan

Comment from Mike K2

Excellent

Well, I changed that saying, "Hell hath no fury, like a woman who THINKS she is scorned." lol I enjoyed this well written tragedy. I really don't think that you have to worry about borrowing something from a writer that you admire, as long as you don't take his words or pass yourself off as them.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 12-Aug-2008

Nope, can't borrow others' words but will borrow their pattern to keep from having to reinvent the wheel. LOL. thanks, Mike K2. love, jan

Comment from StevenJosephBruening

Excellent

Kudos for the clever use of the rhyme and meter scheme of the "Midnight Ride of Paul Revere" and incorporating not only this but, also the artwork as stipulted by the contest entry rules, show that this writer is not without a vast storehouse of skill. I enjoyed the piece because it was well written and the cadence and the meter, along with the rhyme scheme closely personified that famous poem of Pauul Rever's midnight ride. This had the effect of having the piece linger for quite some time after reading it, since the cadence of the midnight ride is so ingrained in most people's minds already. It was a delightful little poem presented with some very clever techniques in order to make it memorable. A job well done.

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2008

StevenJosephBruening, thank you for your kind review. I'm not sure why that poem wouldn't leave my mind whenever I looked at the picture but I finally gave in and wrote based on it. love, jan

reply by StevenJosephBruening on 24-Aug-2008

You are most welcome

Comment from giftid3

Excellent

Thank you for sharing this with the rest of us. I enjoyed the journey. The imagery you painted was so clear showing deception, fraud, misconception, mistrust, adultery and a bevy of lies. And then came sweet bitter revenge, the winner over all,... or is it?......
Awesome. I know I wouldn't want to be in his shoes with you behind me, I'd never see a new day....lol.....
Now if I was to review of rhyme, rhythmn or tempo or meter, etc and so forth, I might not be as forthcoming with the rating, but since that is not how I review but rather by the journey portrayed and message within, then this deserves a 100% thumbs up.
Thanks again for the experience and many blessings to you

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2008

thanks, giftid3. I appreciate your kind words. Just remember, I don't get angry, I get even. LOL! By the way, the rhyme, rhythm. tempo, and meter all came from Henry Wadsworth Longfellow -- I followed his format exactly from the Midnight Ride of Paul Revere.

Comment from Chelbella

Excellent

I enjoyed your poem, Somewhere in the middle it became very visual for me..I wasn't expecting such a story to unfold over the course of the poem, excellent work..

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2008

Thanks, Chelbella, it shocked a lot of folks who read my work because this is not my usual style. I wanted to do something a little different for me. LOL!. love, jan

Comment from wierdgrace

Excellent

I enjoyed this so much and I am glad that you are just telling the story. I am proud to say there are days we all fell this way. this has structure, and strong images. the poem flows and draws emotions that is wonderful. and okay

 Comment Written 10-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2008

wierdgrace, thank you for your review. love, jan

Comment from Artasylum

Excellent

ow-wee remind me neve to make her mad or even drive in front of her in case it is a bad day...great head kiddo...loved it...thanks so much yours, diana.

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2008

thanks, diana. don't get mad, get even. love, jan

Comment from Wild Ruby

Excellent

Very well written ....... Inspiration comes from all sources and experiences..... Very cleverly inspired ...... Rhymed well wish you the best for the comp....

 Comment Written 09-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 10-Aug-2008

thanks, Wild Ruby. love, jan