Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Michael in the Cath Lab---Part One"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
10 total reviews
Comment from allborn66
This is a wonderful chapter. It held my interest to the end. I did not mind the jargon. The pacing is incredible,it built the tension well.
Barbara
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
  |
This is a wonderful chapter. It held my interest to the end. I did not mind the jargon. The pacing is incredible,it built the tension well.
Barbara
Comment Written 06-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
-
Than you barbara---always a pleasure to hear from you--D
Comment from Eliza G
I loved the pace of this piece. You maintain tension throughout, even with all the technical information, and once I started reading I had to keep going, wondering what would happen next. It is interesting how you managed to draw my sympathy, feeding in details about Michael through the people waiting and praying. A couple of points worried me. I'm pretty sure, there would be no room number in CCU, the patients would have to be under observation at all times. Would the doctor have had his cell phone in the room? Okay, probably. I suspect you are writing from personal experience. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
 |
I loved the pace of this piece. You maintain tension throughout, even with all the technical information, and once I started reading I had to keep going, wondering what would happen next. It is interesting how you managed to draw my sympathy, feeding in details about Michael through the people waiting and praying. A couple of points worried me. I'm pretty sure, there would be no room number in CCU, the patients would have to be under observation at all times. Would the doctor have had his cell phone in the room? Okay, probably. I suspect you are writing from personal experience. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
-
Thanks Eliza---yes--I've practiced cardiology for twenty years. Not sure what you mean about room number in CCU. Room "one" is typically the major trauma or urgent care in any emergency room. I'll review my writing. Don't think I mentioned a room number in CCU.--maybe---Thanks again for nice comments. Hope you'll read more.--Doug
Comment from lindalcreel
I didn't have any problems following the story but I've been in the cath lab before. LAD, they call them the widow-maker for a reason, this guy is in trouble. His pressure is a problem, pulmonary hypertension and renal failure. He must have inherited his mother's bad heart. I'm betting his EF in probably in the 10 to 15 range if that much. We'll see what happens, but it isn't looking good for Michael.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
|
I didn't have any problems following the story but I've been in the cath lab before. LAD, they call them the widow-maker for a reason, this guy is in trouble. His pressure is a problem, pulmonary hypertension and renal failure. He must have inherited his mother's bad heart. I'm betting his EF in probably in the 10 to 15 range if that much. We'll see what happens, but it isn't looking good for Michael.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
-
Yes---Linda---always appreciate your knowledge.---EF is probably in range of 10-15 %. We'll find out with echo report in next chapter. I can't wait to see what happens---LOL---Doug
-
I love reading this story because despite the hardship it makes me think about some of the things that I've learned in the past. It's good to remember. I don't miss working in the hospital, but I do miss some of the people I worked with.
Comment from Zinnia48
My interest was really held by this story. I thought that the two paragraphs describing heart anatomy was beside the point (for this story). And at first I thought much of the rest was too technical. However, I found myself hanging on every word trying to see what you were seeing....Your dialogue is terrific, and you did well with giving each character a separate voice. Good work! Caroline
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
|
My interest was really held by this story. I thought that the two paragraphs describing heart anatomy was beside the point (for this story). And at first I thought much of the rest was too technical. However, I found myself hanging on every word trying to see what you were seeing....Your dialogue is terrific, and you did well with giving each character a separate voice. Good work! Caroline
Comment Written 05-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2013
-
Caroline--THANK YOU--hope you'll keep reading. Actually posted Part two in 2008. Took 5 year hiatus--which I regret. Part two --cath lab will be edited and posted on Treasure Chest Archives in a day or so. Thanks agin. Hope you'll read more. Doug
Comment from Zingalong
No spelling mistakes here. It's still a good read.
I don't mind the medical jargon; it's interesting and you learn about procedures etc. though I'm not one for hospitals.
Good reading!
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
|
No spelling mistakes here. It's still a good read.
I don't mind the medical jargon; it's interesting and you learn about procedures etc. though I'm not one for hospitals.
Good reading!
Comment Written 01-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
-
Thank you very much----love your input.---Doug
Comment from witness4HIM
No it is not too much medical jargon. You are writing about a very serious medical event and not talking to the family to use more common words. You are doing great.
Here is an error
couldn't here what he = hear
Well you bring excitement into this chapter full force. LOL
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013
|
No it is not too much medical jargon. You are writing about a very serious medical event and not talking to the family to use more common words. You are doing great.
Here is an error
couldn't here what he = hear
Well you bring excitement into this chapter full force. LOL
Comment Written 14-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013
-
witness---see above--hope to hear from you again--see caduceus on treasure revive
Comment from babylonia
there is a lot of technical jargon. i think if you make part of it where you are explaining the information to the patient or even the technician then it will make it easier for the reader. it will draw the reader in and give he or she a chance to get involved.
there are some other spaggies.
heart attacks occur is the right ventricle, and virtually (stray quotation mark, add comma and and)
i have an idea. if you like, use and if not, don't. when you are describing all the technical stuff then why not have david talk to the patient as the procedure is happening as if he is explaining it to the patient. then it won't look like just technical jargon but actual dialogue.)
I'm really frightened. (drop worried and stray quotation mark)
gave a soft "shh". (add quotation mark)
The thrombolytics worked dissolving the clot, (stray quotation mark)
usually years and only when there is (stray quotation mark, add and)
too low to sustain life below eighty systolic. (drop usually and stray quotation mark)
He turned his attention to (need a space between he and turned)
his pressure was falling. (period)
(new sentence) His systolic BP was hovering around eighty.
his mitral regurge probably has him close to drowning in his own blood. not fun.
for wet lungs or congestion in (stray quotation mark and add or)
Then call cardiac surgery and ask for a (stray quotation mark, add and)
and apron. (period)
(new sentence) He dropped all of it to the floor. (add He)
"Mr. Conti, we have to put (comma instead of a period, lower case w)
His rate's up to one-forty sinus tach." (apostrophe, stray quotation mark)
a good rate of twenty a minute." (stray quotation mark, add at)
I wouldn't know where to start. (change no to know, maybe put this whole paragraph in italics and if you can't do this then single quotes)
this is a very informative chapter. michael conti is indeed a very ill man. it all has to be genetic. LOL but then that is how this whole book started, isn't it? genetics.
imagery is excellent for me. if i can help smooth it out for others, please don't hesitate to ask.
barbara
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
|
there is a lot of technical jargon. i think if you make part of it where you are explaining the information to the patient or even the technician then it will make it easier for the reader. it will draw the reader in and give he or she a chance to get involved.
there are some other spaggies.
heart attacks occur is the right ventricle, and virtually (stray quotation mark, add comma and and)
i have an idea. if you like, use and if not, don't. when you are describing all the technical stuff then why not have david talk to the patient as the procedure is happening as if he is explaining it to the patient. then it won't look like just technical jargon but actual dialogue.)
I'm really frightened. (drop worried and stray quotation mark)
gave a soft "shh". (add quotation mark)
The thrombolytics worked dissolving the clot, (stray quotation mark)
usually years and only when there is (stray quotation mark, add and)
too low to sustain life below eighty systolic. (drop usually and stray quotation mark)
He turned his attention to (need a space between he and turned)
his pressure was falling. (period)
(new sentence) His systolic BP was hovering around eighty.
his mitral regurge probably has him close to drowning in his own blood. not fun.
for wet lungs or congestion in (stray quotation mark and add or)
Then call cardiac surgery and ask for a (stray quotation mark, add and)
and apron. (period)
(new sentence) He dropped all of it to the floor. (add He)
"Mr. Conti, we have to put (comma instead of a period, lower case w)
His rate's up to one-forty sinus tach." (apostrophe, stray quotation mark)
a good rate of twenty a minute." (stray quotation mark, add at)
I wouldn't know where to start. (change no to know, maybe put this whole paragraph in italics and if you can't do this then single quotes)
this is a very informative chapter. michael conti is indeed a very ill man. it all has to be genetic. LOL but then that is how this whole book started, isn't it? genetics.
imagery is excellent for me. if i can help smooth it out for others, please don't hesitate to ask.
barbara
Comment Written 30-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
-
Hi Barb-------Wow---i couldn't believe all of the spag in this chapter. Here's what happened. When I posted this yesterday, the FS site changed all of my em-dashes to quotation marks. And I use a lot of dashes. Turned it in to a real mess. That's what I get for not proofing my posting. Thanks for nice comments. Yes, as we approach the end of this novel, I would really appreciate you're help. I'll write more to you in messages. Thanks again----Doug
-
doug,
yeah, it looked like evil edie just had a field day with your piece. i could tell it was him and not you. but nonetheless people will give you three stars for it. nothing like getting three stars for one or two stray quotation marks. i will help as much as i can on the future chapters. just let me know what you need help with.
keep up the good work~
barbara
-
Barb----interestingly---I had five reviews---all 5 stars----all 4 of others said NO SPAG----! LOL
-
doug,
yep, that is the way of the fanstory. LOL sometimes.
barbara
Comment from AbigailDavid
Hello, you describe the medical scene very effectively. I was a fly on the wall by the time I got to that section.
Great dialogue and no glaring errors. This read smoothly and held my attention, thanks for sharing your writing.
This is a story I would recommend, Abby
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
|
Hello, you describe the medical scene very effectively. I was a fly on the wall by the time I got to that section.
Great dialogue and no glaring errors. This read smoothly and held my attention, thanks for sharing your writing.
This is a story I would recommend, Abby
Comment Written 29-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
-
Hi AB---Thanks for great comments---you inspire me to push on.----Doug
Comment from RaymondJohn
Most of the jargon is understandable by context. I enjoyed the authentic atmosphere you create. Sounds like Michael is a goner, for sure. The story is believable, you have great pace and some interesting characters. Best wishes. Ray
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
|
Most of the jargon is understandable by context. I enjoyed the authentic atmosphere you create. Sounds like Michael is a goner, for sure. The story is believable, you have great pace and some interesting characters. Best wishes. Ray
Comment Written 29-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
-
Thanks Ray---hope you can read more---appreciate your support. Doug
Comment from ThyLordDracula
Wow- Michael is in really bad shape- great chapter- very informative- I didn't notice any spag- very interesting plot, great dialogue, great characters- respectfully ^v^
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
|
Wow- Michael is in really bad shape- great chapter- very informative- I didn't notice any spag- very interesting plot, great dialogue, great characters- respectfully ^v^
Comment Written 29-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 30-Jun-2008
-
Thanks Count--nice comments--hope you can read more----Doug
