Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "The Doctor's Visit"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
10 total reviews
Comment from lindalcreel
Why indeed. Maybe we do things differently. He would have been admitted until three sets of enzymes and at minimal a stress test was done. If the enzymes were elevated - straight to heart cath, but I would have questioned the fact that he didn't even listen to his heart. what if he had a murmur or if he was in atrial fibrillation? Too many questions. I guess the lay person wouldn't ask, but my husband's cardiologist tells me everything. I know his lab results before he does. Even when I took him to Cleveland clinic for his a-fib ablation I was invited to watch the procedure. I guess I'm lucky in some ways. Maybe I asked the right questions. lol
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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Why indeed. Maybe we do things differently. He would have been admitted until three sets of enzymes and at minimal a stress test was done. If the enzymes were elevated - straight to heart cath, but I would have questioned the fact that he didn't even listen to his heart. what if he had a murmur or if he was in atrial fibrillation? Too many questions. I guess the lay person wouldn't ask, but my husband's cardiologist tells me everything. I know his lab results before he does. Even when I took him to Cleveland clinic for his a-fib ablation I was invited to watch the procedure. I guess I'm lucky in some ways. Maybe I asked the right questions. lol
Comment Written 01-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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You're very educated, Linda. All've you said is true. Guess Dr. Tamayo just doesn't care. His character is based on a doctor I knew in Toledo.
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I had the pleasure of working at Johns Hopkins and learned so much from the doctors there.
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Hopkins--you must be a hot shot !
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No but I was a sponge. I couldn't learn enough back then. I would often tell my husband that I couldn't believe they were paying me to work. I loved my job that much.
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Linda---have you published anything through a traditional publisher--not a self publishing company. I must apologize for not having read any of your work. I intend to, soon.----Doug
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No I just started writing a year ago. I haven't had any formal writing training, so I'm afraid it's kind of learn as you go with me. I have written three books and am almost finished the fourth which I'm posting on Fanstory. I write paranormal/fantasy. I'm in the process of working on a new series, and I may try to go the traditional route with that. Haven't made up my mind yet. I've got a dozen notebooks with ideas for books and hopefully I'll be able to turn all of them into novels. We'll see.
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Excellent---good luck---Doug
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Thanks:)
Comment from Zingalong
It is a very good story, well written. It has a good narrative hook (captures the audiences attention, you want to read more). I am looking forward to reading more.
The only concerns are your spelling etc. If I can correct you with the following:
First chapter: I never though should read thought
the word 'beggining' should read beginning
'breths' should read breaths
'unfotunately' should read unfortunately
yes, what 'it' is it? should read what is it?
When I 'here' of should read When I hear
'in few week' should read in a few weeks
I hope your aren't annoyed at my correcting your spelling, but it will polish up very nicely. Very interesting story!
Zingalong
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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It is a very good story, well written. It has a good narrative hook (captures the audiences attention, you want to read more). I am looking forward to reading more.
The only concerns are your spelling etc. If I can correct you with the following:
First chapter: I never though should read thought
the word 'beggining' should read beginning
'breths' should read breaths
'unfotunately' should read unfortunately
yes, what 'it' is it? should read what is it?
When I 'here' of should read When I hear
'in few week' should read in a few weeks
I hope your aren't annoyed at my correcting your spelling, but it will polish up very nicely. Very interesting story!
Zingalong
Comment Written 01-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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Thanks much Zing---you have a good eye. I don't mind at all. It's not spelling---it's my lousy typing skills--I often transpose letters or simply leave them out. Thanks practically always type hear--when I want here, etc. Maybe I should send my rough drafts to you---can you type? LOL
Comment from Terror2s
This was an enjoyable read. The more acceptable way to spell "all right" is as two words. Otherwise, I don't have any suggestions. T2
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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This was an enjoyable read. The more acceptable way to spell "all right" is as two words. Otherwise, I don't have any suggestions. T2
Comment Written 01-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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Thanks for nice review-T2. I'll change all right--but you know, both are correct. Doug
Comment from allborn66
This was a very interesting chapter. You may want to trim out the information that you already told us about Dr. Tamayo. You also may want to trim down the scene. It is reasonable to expect your readers to remember what you've already told them :).
Barbara
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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This was a very interesting chapter. You may want to trim out the information that you already told us about Dr. Tamayo. You also may want to trim down the scene. It is reasonable to expect your readers to remember what you've already told them :).
Barbara
Comment Written 01-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2013
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Thanks Barbara---I'll review this and edit.----suspect I'll agree--know I have a tendency over emphazise--repeat---character traits. Doug
Comment from witness4HIM
an interesting chapter of a fame and fortune doctor.
Here are two errors for correcting.
1. I never though much of it, = thought
2. ?When I here of someone = hear
Otherwise another wonderfully written chapter in this inspiring novel.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013
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an interesting chapter of a fame and fortune doctor.
Here are two errors for correcting.
1. I never though much of it, = thought
2. ?When I here of someone = hear
Otherwise another wonderfully written chapter in this inspiring novel.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2008
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2013
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hey---ditto
Comment from wheelyfast
This reads well. I read the next chapter first but even if i hadn't I think I could guess what happens next although I am dying to know what happens after that chapter. I like your work and look forward to reading more as I can't find anything to change in this chapter. Well done!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
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This reads well. I read the next chapter first but even if i hadn't I think I could guess what happens next although I am dying to know what happens after that chapter. I like your work and look forward to reading more as I can't find anything to change in this chapter. Well done!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2008
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Hi WF----Thanks for great review---I'll try to post another chapter today.---Doug
Comment from Ryn Martin
Some quibbles:
1)
"..and honesty in all I do[.] Enough about me. Please tell me why you?re here.?
Right here, I think you should insert a comma, and perhaps write it as "...in all I do, but, enough about me..." Usually a person would pause, unless you speak very quickly without a breath. It souns as if he's going (rhythm wise) - Badump badump badump, very quickly. See what i mean?
2)
"I see. Anything else? For instance, did you have any pain in your jaw, especially on the left side, or in your upper back??
Unless I'm mistaken, on this part it should be this way:
"I see[, or ;] anything else? For instance, [have - sounds better] you had any pain in your jaw, especially on the leftside?"
Then I'd say insert him asking about the the upper back pain, then his reply; break it apart, feels like it would be smoother.
~Ryn
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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Some quibbles:
1)
"..and honesty in all I do[.] Enough about me. Please tell me why you?re here.?
Right here, I think you should insert a comma, and perhaps write it as "...in all I do, but, enough about me..." Usually a person would pause, unless you speak very quickly without a breath. It souns as if he's going (rhythm wise) - Badump badump badump, very quickly. See what i mean?
2)
"I see. Anything else? For instance, did you have any pain in your jaw, especially on the left side, or in your upper back??
Unless I'm mistaken, on this part it should be this way:
"I see[, or ;] anything else? For instance, [have - sounds better] you had any pain in your jaw, especially on the leftside?"
Then I'd say insert him asking about the the upper back pain, then his reply; break it apart, feels like it would be smoother.
~Ryn
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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Thanks Ryn----i agree with your recs---I'll make some changes----Doug
Comment from babylonia
you bet i would question the arse. LOL i never tell them i have a nursing degree. i may them explain like i know nothing. :P stinker, aren't I?
easy to read and follow. there are a few spaggies.
"I don't understand it (pull this sentence in to right behind the Rapid fire speech sentence)
the doctor scribbled some notes on a sheet (add a)
He left in a hurry. (add a)
to satisfy the heart's increased (apostrophe)
thinking of his troubled breathing (change trouble to troubled)
reported that their chest pain (change there to their)
what do the homocysteine test indicate? what does it mean if his is high? this is still a new test to me. i am curious. :P
i think he needs the echo as well but what do i know.
"Yes, he has. (comma)
come and go like crazy. (drop on) yeah, some docs are like. i imagine he still has that wonderful temper after all these years as well.
definitely a good chapter. i am looking forward to the next one.
barbara
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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you bet i would question the arse. LOL i never tell them i have a nursing degree. i may them explain like i know nothing. :P stinker, aren't I?
easy to read and follow. there are a few spaggies.
"I don't understand it (pull this sentence in to right behind the Rapid fire speech sentence)
the doctor scribbled some notes on a sheet (add a)
He left in a hurry. (add a)
to satisfy the heart's increased (apostrophe)
thinking of his troubled breathing (change trouble to troubled)
reported that their chest pain (change there to their)
what do the homocysteine test indicate? what does it mean if his is high? this is still a new test to me. i am curious. :P
i think he needs the echo as well but what do i know.
"Yes, he has. (comma)
come and go like crazy. (drop on) yeah, some docs are like. i imagine he still has that wonderful temper after all these years as well.
definitely a good chapter. i am looking forward to the next one.
barbara
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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Thanks barb-----As I've said before---you're a wizard at finding SPAG----I appreciate that. One of the reasons I post these on FS is to get free editing! You're the best.----Doug PS: I think the chapters too long for the info provided. May do some dissection later.
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doug,
it is a bit long BUT i really didn't notice when i was reading. i kept thinking something was missing when michael hit it ... there was no physical exam. so unless you really want to cut i think the part with tomayo being distracted and all shows his true demeanor and how he hasn't changed since he killed the man. plus if this were not here but in a book jacket it wouldn't be a problem having a chapter with more than 1500 words. people would read it anyway AND pay you to do it.
barbara
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Thanks Barb-----It's helpful. Another chapter just posted.----Doug
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doug,
great, i will take a look as soon as i get supper started.
barbara
Comment from Cletus Hardiman
Hi, I am new to the site, and I obviously need to go back and read the chapters before this one! But, this was a good write, and I will, as time permits, go back and read the prior ones! Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! Cletus Hardiman
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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Hi, I am new to the site, and I obviously need to go back and read the chapters before this one! But, this was a good write, and I will, as time permits, go back and read the prior ones! Thanks for sharing and keep on writing! Cletus Hardiman
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2008
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Hi Cletus-------Thanks for nice review. Hope you can read more. Keep up the good work---reviews are greatly apprciated.---Doug
Comment from AbigailDavid
Mr Dagy, where did you get that name from, heheehee
Very realistic dialogue between the doctor and his reticent patient. Isn't it funny, how we use words like 'it feels funny', heheehe Doctors only have what we tell them for making a diagnosis, and this doctor had to dig to get the answers he needed. Good writing in this chapter.
This is an entertaining read and I noticed no errors.
I felt like a fly on the wall in their conversation.
Bye for now, and thanks for sharing your writing, abby
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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Mr Dagy, where did you get that name from, heheehee
Very realistic dialogue between the doctor and his reticent patient. Isn't it funny, how we use words like 'it feels funny', heheehe Doctors only have what we tell them for making a diagnosis, and this doctor had to dig to get the answers he needed. Good writing in this chapter.
This is an entertaining read and I noticed no errors.
I felt like a fly on the wall in their conversation.
Bye for now, and thanks for sharing your writing, abby
Comment Written 11-Jun-2008
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2008
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Abby----Thank you for nice review----i appreciate it---Doug