Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Marie---Part Two"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
9 total reviews
Comment from dotandtittle
Doug I write this review with fear and trembling because of our last misunderstanding of my review, but you asked and so if this doesn't work out fine, then I'll not do any more reviews for you. No more misunderstandings, I'm only trying to help.
Okay, now a simple type was found - "That's a long time Marie[; - rather than .] he must love [you] very much."
I like the way you can draw out the emotional response - with words; you sound like a very educated man.
You don't need to use commas as often as you do, (and '.' either;) they do tend to break apart the sentence and make them a bit 'staccato' - not smooth like a normal conversation. Also don't forget to use the humble semi-Colan [;] a bit more. Commas are best used in place of the word 'and' (however not in all cases.) If you want to make a pause and the word 'and' wouldn't work in that place then pull out those ';' instead.
. . . Come on [M]arie. (capital.) Wow! Her death was well written, I knew what was happening in her dream. The innocence ending in sad reality. . .
"I hope you die a painful death . . ." Is that what he would really say? He might like to brood over his sad loss for longer first, and then come back with some other kind of curse.
We all have different writing styles and the use of punctuation may be a little different for us in NZ; but 'speaking out' a sentence helps me to make them more readable. I am not perfect and punctuation is such an inconsistent area in modern writing compared to the classics of the past. Modern punctuation is 'looser' now-days. Have you read any of my stuff?
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013
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Doug I write this review with fear and trembling because of our last misunderstanding of my review, but you asked and so if this doesn't work out fine, then I'll not do any more reviews for you. No more misunderstandings, I'm only trying to help.
Okay, now a simple type was found - "That's a long time Marie[; - rather than .] he must love [you] very much."
I like the way you can draw out the emotional response - with words; you sound like a very educated man.
You don't need to use commas as often as you do, (and '.' either;) they do tend to break apart the sentence and make them a bit 'staccato' - not smooth like a normal conversation. Also don't forget to use the humble semi-Colan [;] a bit more. Commas are best used in place of the word 'and' (however not in all cases.) If you want to make a pause and the word 'and' wouldn't work in that place then pull out those ';' instead.
. . . Come on [M]arie. (capital.) Wow! Her death was well written, I knew what was happening in her dream. The innocence ending in sad reality. . .
"I hope you die a painful death . . ." Is that what he would really say? He might like to brood over his sad loss for longer first, and then come back with some other kind of curse.
We all have different writing styles and the use of punctuation may be a little different for us in NZ; but 'speaking out' a sentence helps me to make them more readable. I am not perfect and punctuation is such an inconsistent area in modern writing compared to the classics of the past. Modern punctuation is 'looser' now-days. Have you read any of my stuff?
Comment Written 31-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 31-Oct-2013
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Dot----I love your review and invite you to read more. It's very helpful. I'' ll review your recs and write to you again. Wonderful to get opinions from the opposite side of the planet. Please don't hesitate to read on. However, reading chapters out of context may make Carlo's comment--die a painful death--seem extreme. He abhors everything about physicians. First three chapters of book emphasize that. I know you haven't read those. Thanks again-Doug
Comment from lindalcreel
Maybe if he hadn't been so paranoid, she could have seen a doctor and had treatment. There's no guarantee's but she would have had a chance. At least her daughter was there to meet her. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Maybe if he hadn't been so paranoid, she could have seen a doctor and had treatment. There's no guarantee's but she would have had a chance. At least her daughter was there to meet her. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Thanks ,Linda. Appreciate your support.-Doug
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So welcome:)
Comment from Righteous Riter
The tone is set from the beginning. Good character balance along with smooth dialogue between the characters. Good transitioning from event to event. Good steady and consistent pace that brings this chapter to an intense conclusion.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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The tone is set from the beginning. Good character balance along with smooth dialogue between the characters. Good transitioning from event to event. Good steady and consistent pace that brings this chapter to an intense conclusion.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Hey RR---Haven't heard from you in awhile. Very appreciative of your review. Hope you'll read more. Thanks-Doug
Comment from Gungalo
Boy oh boy, the heart is a weird thing isn't it? All that testing and still she died in her sleep. Sigh it so wrong what happens. Carlo thought the doctors did it.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Boy oh boy, the heart is a weird thing isn't it? All that testing and still she died in her sleep. Sigh it so wrong what happens. Carlo thought the doctors did it.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2013
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Hi G--thanks for continued support. You've got at least 5 poems I intend to read. You're so prolific---hard to keep up---Luv----Doug
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Nah it's not hard Doug. LOL.
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Your right--i need to read.
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LOL
Comment from witness4HIM
Wow.except the last where Carlo was using his language,
this was another emotional and suspenseful chapter
with Marie and her love and concern for her family.
If Marie did die,
I would think it has been brewing
all these years married to an egotist
All those years she kept her feeling bottled up
in her heart and mind.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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Wow.except the last where Carlo was using his language,
this was another emotional and suspenseful chapter
with Marie and her love and concern for her family.
If Marie did die,
I would think it has been brewing
all these years married to an egotist
All those years she kept her feeling bottled up
in her heart and mind.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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Thanks again
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A well written, well presented
piece of work, making it such
a pleasure to read.
nitroglycerin.
nitro-glycerine
Regards,
Margaret.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2008
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A well written, well presented
piece of work, making it such
a pleasure to read.
nitroglycerin.
nitro-glycerine
Regards,
Margaret.
Comment Written 22-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2008
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Thanks Margaret---I'll correct nitro---review much appreciated---Doug
Comment from Sleep
Hi Doug,
This is a great chapter within a book that reviewing has led me to before.
Of the chapters that I have read this is perhaps the best.
The characters are really well embeded in the story and the story firmly on it's way.
As a point of interest, how many chapters are there going to be?
Just a couple of SPAGS noted but nothing that spellcheck would miss and not the issue of my rview in any case.
Great book!
Regards,
Sleep..................
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2008
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Hi Doug,
This is a great chapter within a book that reviewing has led me to before.
Of the chapters that I have read this is perhaps the best.
The characters are really well embeded in the story and the story firmly on it's way.
As a point of interest, how many chapters are there going to be?
Just a couple of SPAGS noted but nothing that spellcheck would miss and not the issue of my rview in any case.
Great book!
Regards,
Sleep..................
Comment Written 19-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2008
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Hi Sleep---thanks for great review-----anticipate about 45 chapters in all----Doug
Comment from the_desolate_one
Great diction and narration.. Smooth flow and grammar seems to be perfect. Have you completed the entire book yet?> How many chapters?
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2008
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Great diction and narration.. Smooth flow and grammar seems to be perfect. Have you completed the entire book yet?> How many chapters?
Comment Written 19-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2008
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Hi tdo----Thank You for nice review----book is completed but needs a lot of editing---anticipate about 45 chapters---thanks again---Doug
Comment from babylonia
hmmm ... so the fact that he wouldn't allow her to get the medical care she needed some months back couldn't have possibly helped her death. LOL some people ...
easy to read and follow. i did see several spaggies but they mostly look like typos. this is definitely a good chapter.
that the problem can be fixed (need a space between can and be)
five-years-old
Mr. Conti (period after Mr)
"Click."
imagery is excellent. definitely a good read. keep up the good work~
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2008
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hmmm ... so the fact that he wouldn't allow her to get the medical care she needed some months back couldn't have possibly helped her death. LOL some people ...
easy to read and follow. i did see several spaggies but they mostly look like typos. this is definitely a good chapter.
that the problem can be fixed (need a space between can and be)
five-years-old
Mr. Conti (period after Mr)
"Click."
imagery is excellent. definitely a good read. keep up the good work~
Comment Written 19-Mar-2008
reply by the author on 19-Mar-2008
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Thanks barbara----I'll correct the typos----Doug
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doug,
you are very welcome. looking forward to the next chapter.
barbara
