Comment from allborn66

Excellent

I feel a little let down. I was hoping for a little bit more than hitting the boy friend. There good conflict here. I think everyone is reacting within character.
Barbara

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013

Thanks-Barbara-the action will start to pick up soon.-Doug This chapter is autobiographical--it all happened that way--I practiced Cardiology in Toledo for 20 yrs----D

reply by allborn66 on 23-Oct-2013

I was getting an autobiographical feel to the piece. It reminded me of East of Eden bu John Steinbeck. The parts that he wrote that were fictional were very vivid and entertaining. The parts that were about his family were factual, for lack of a better description.
So - fiction is based on real life experiences. . . Personal opinion here - Unless this piece is going to be autobiographical, separate yourself from David a little more. Make David a character whose life is very similar to yours - not the same. This will free him to do what the story line draws him to rather than limiting the plot to actual events.
Fiction is often grander than real life. It allows the author to give meaning to events, and put in events that have meaning, whether or not they really happened.
This will also make it easier to write David and his motivations.
Barbara

reply by the author on 23-Oct-2013

Thanks Barbara---David's life becomes totally fictional very soon. Lot's of crazy--I hope entertaining-- things happen to him--Doug

Comment from Gungalo

Excellent

Well what's a couple of nights in the slammer anyways? He'll learn a few lessons to keep him out. LOL some attorney he's got there.

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013

Yea--believe me--I've spent my share of nites in the slammer---so outta character for a cardiologist. This and next few chapters are autobiograhical---makes it easy to write---it's all in my noodle. luv ya, G-----------D

reply by Gungalo on 22-Oct-2013

Smiling at you Doug.

Comment from dotandtittle

Excellent

I find it a little far fetched that this guy actually freaked this huge guy out, unless he himself has had some training that we are not aware of - isn't this guy more of an intellect (a DR?) rather than physical?
Hmm, I'm expecting surprise here.
I really love your use of dialogue.

 Comment Written 22-Oct-2013

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reply by the author on 22-Oct-2013

Hey-dot--freaked me out,too. This chapter is reality---all from my memory---I was so crazy it scared the shit outta him. Under normal circumstances he could of kicked my butt any day of the week. Anger--rage has a way of leveling the playing field.---Thanks-----Doug

Comment from witness4HIM

Excellent

Another emotional chapter.

This is the only error I saw in many chapters.

?I feel you?re pain, David = your pain

I think the doctor is going to feel a lot more pain
before the novel ends, or
before he find happiness.

 Comment Written 28-Aug-2008

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reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008

Thank You

Comment from conniet

Excellent

I thought your story was very good! I thought you described your characters well too! Tatoos, earing, dog ETC.Attorneys are bottom feaders. Makes it interesting! Connie

 Comment Written 31-Jan-2008

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2008

Hi connie--Thanks for nice review--I appreciate it---Doug

Comment from butterflykiss

Excellent

Very good flow of words, the characters are believable, in the way they talk and act. Good story line, I enjoyed it very much
Cheers.

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2008

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2008

Hi BK----Thank you----very much appreciated-----Doug

Comment from rivki1111

Excellent

Didn't take to kindly to someone else flattering his wife, ehehehe

My last review of the day, i have been reading and reviewing like a demon, going away in a week or so, and dont' want to lose my place,

Great additional chapter, it called me from the bonus reviewing page...heheehehe

You write this well, good standard of English, although i read for entertainment, and if i notice anything I point it out to the writer. David was impressed with his representation. Lawyers can only do so much, the mighty dollar does the rest, hehheehehe

Bye for now, and this is a story i enjoy to keep up with. I'm a sucker for prison and courtroom dramas, thanks for sharing it.

Bye for now, your writing buddy, rivki

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2008

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2008

Hi again rivki---glad you enjoy it. Lot of courtroom stuff coming up later chapters.---Doug

Comment from babylonia

Excellent

i did see a few spaggies. easy to fix. He said his name is Gary Keller (capitalize Keller)

but we're not on call (change were to we're)

thinking Sue was out on a date with Martin?

definitely another good chapter for this one. easy to read and follow. imagery is excellent. keep up the good work~

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2008

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2008

Hi babs-----thanks for review-----I changed my characters name from keller to Martin and back to Keller. Missed afew martins on the final switch. Always appreciate your input. Personally, I think the last two chapters are boring---maybe I'm too pessimistic. Are you being kind or are these two chapters better than I think?---Thanks --Doug

reply by babylonia on 31-Jan-2008

i don't think they are boring. you are laying the background for how the good doc found himself in jail. i am sure a lot of us assumed it was a simple dui but the new information is even better. as for me being kind. i have rarely read anything boring here. one writer i simply couln't understand and stopped reading. a few others have some pretty bad grammar but EXCELLENT stories. your story has my attention. i want to see how all the characters get to the same point in time. it seems inevitable.
we all have self doubts about our writing at times. i say push on. i can't wait to see what happens next.
barbara

reply by the author on 31-Jan-2008

Thanks Barb---I'm inspired---More to come----Doug

reply by babylonia on 31-Jan-2008

good work~ i want to see where this guy is going. can't wait for the next chapter.
barbara

Comment from FredCollingwood

Excellent

Good story. a few comments:
?What the hell are you doin? here{.}? < question mark

?I guess doctors aren?t the only ones working seven days a week{?}? < Period?

He said his name is Gary keller < upper case?

 Comment Written 30-Jan-2008

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reply by the author on 31-Jan-2008

HI NN----thanks for review----much appreciated ---hope you can read more of novel----Doug