Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Toledo"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
8 total reviews
Comment from lindalcreel
This was a heart=-wrenching chapter. I know the old man was a bit of a hard-ass, but he was trying to look out for his son's future. You can't fault him for that. Good read. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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This was a heart=-wrenching chapter. I know the old man was a bit of a hard-ass, but he was trying to look out for his son's future. You can't fault him for that. Good read. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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thanks linda---thrilled that you keep reading.-Doug
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Welcome:)
Comment from barkingdog
You have the family dynamics playing perfectly here. The dialogue, especially the fight between Marie and Carlo, was excellent.
I felt sorry for David who isn't given a choice and seems to carry a heart attack ready to happen.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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You have the family dynamics playing perfectly here. The dialogue, especially the fight between Marie and Carlo, was excellent.
I felt sorry for David who isn't given a choice and seems to carry a heart attack ready to happen.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Hi BD---see you're quite the writer--as your ranking suggests. Glad to have you as a reviewer. Thanks for the nice compliments.-Doug
Comment from Gungalo
Ohhhh this is a sad one isn't it? Michael will follow Carlo's lead but I fear he will have a heart attack before he gets to go.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Ohhhh this is a sad one isn't it? Michael will follow Carlo's lead but I fear he will have a heart attack before he gets to go.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2013
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Thanks G--very perceptive fortelling--BUT YOU'RE WRONG ! LOL
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Alright, he dies. LOL
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Gungalo---I just posted an old short story I'd written and 1st posted years ago. It's for you--hope you like The Policeman.(really hope you're not offended,too)
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Ohhh Doug I'll have to go see
Comment from witness4HIM
I notice that Michael did not say anything
but what you think is best, Dad.
He, himself, made no decision in the matter.
This is a good father that is looking out for the welfare of his son and family,
but he was going to give Michael and Laura an option.
I do not think this will a good idea
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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I notice that Michael did not say anything
but what you think is best, Dad.
He, himself, made no decision in the matter.
This is a good father that is looking out for the welfare of his son and family,
but he was going to give Michael and Laura an option.
I do not think this will a good idea
Comment Written 27-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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Thank you as always
Comment from babylonia
this alone may not be a good thing. we will see. easy to read and follow. i did see a few spag but they are easily fixed. "Yes, you will." (comma)
She hung up again." (stray quotation mark)
He always felt nervous around his father. (change is to his)
definitely a good addition to the book. keep up the good work~
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2008
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this alone may not be a good thing. we will see. easy to read and follow. i did see a few spag but they are easily fixed. "Yes, you will." (comma)
She hung up again." (stray quotation mark)
He always felt nervous around his father. (change is to his)
definitely a good addition to the book. keep up the good work~
Comment Written 20-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2008
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Hi Babylonia---thanks for reading so many chapters---always appreciated---i'll correct spag---Doug
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doug,
just wanted to get caught up on the story. it is great so far. so many things happening but that is true to life.
you are welcome
barbara
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
There's a couple of PoV problems with this chapter, particularly there's a bit of bouncing between Carlo and Marie. We start in Carlo's PoV and we're pretty much in his head until we get down to: "Marie?s anger grew as she confronted her husband, something ..." This is an internalized introspection on Marie's part. One way to get around this is to start with "Carlos could almost taste her anger growing ..."
And then a bit later on you drop us into Michael's head. One way to get around this is to have a break (multiple blank lines perhaps) and then begin the new section with a clear indication that now we're in Michael's head.
You finished off the chapter with a very touching moment.
John
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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There's a couple of PoV problems with this chapter, particularly there's a bit of bouncing between Carlo and Marie. We start in Carlo's PoV and we're pretty much in his head until we get down to: "Marie?s anger grew as she confronted her husband, something ..." This is an internalized introspection on Marie's part. One way to get around this is to start with "Carlos could almost taste her anger growing ..."
And then a bit later on you drop us into Michael's head. One way to get around this is to have a break (multiple blank lines perhaps) and then begin the new section with a clear indication that now we're in Michael's head.
You finished off the chapter with a very touching moment.
John
Comment Written 17-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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John---Thanks---glad to have you back----I never consider the pov---very good point. I'll look at it----Doug
Comment from Artasylum
i think your character developement was good...i believe that you could flesh out the environment a little more for a more tactile, sensual read as it were...over all really good job and looking forward to more from you.
thanks so much, yours, diana
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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i think your character developement was good...i believe that you could flesh out the environment a little more for a more tactile, sensual read as it were...over all really good job and looking forward to more from you.
thanks so much, yours, diana
Comment Written 17-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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Thanks Diana----I'll take a look at what you've recommended---thanks again----Doug
Comment from shiriart
This is an interesting chapter and the writing is good. You write very nice dialogue.
Might I suggest in some of the longer dialogue sections that you break it up with a little bit of narration (good time for some of the office decor), action, or maybe sound.
I think it should say "on the desktop": A beautiful brass lamp, crystal paper weight, some of Carlo?s business achievement awards, and the ever present photograph of Cassandra, were strategically placed on desktop.
Too much narration on the office decor that isn't built into the story.
Looks good.
Shiriart
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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This is an interesting chapter and the writing is good. You write very nice dialogue.
Might I suggest in some of the longer dialogue sections that you break it up with a little bit of narration (good time for some of the office decor), action, or maybe sound.
I think it should say "on the desktop": A beautiful brass lamp, crystal paper weight, some of Carlo?s business achievement awards, and the ever present photograph of Cassandra, were strategically placed on desktop.
Too much narration on the office decor that isn't built into the story.
Looks good.
Shiriart
Comment Written 17-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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Thanks----I just added the office decor today---I also thought it was overdone---Thanks---Doug
