Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "The Elevator"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
16 total reviews
Comment from Eigle Rull
My friend, you have a professional way of writing. It sounds professional. It's so smooth, and it tells an interesting story. It definitely held my attention very well. I felt as though I was there. That's a plus as far as I'm concerned. I really enjoyed this story, and I plan to read more of your work. It is flawless.
Always with respect,
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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My friend, you have a professional way of writing. It sounds professional. It's so smooth, and it tells an interesting story. It definitely held my attention very well. I felt as though I was there. That's a plus as far as I'm concerned. I really enjoyed this story, and I plan to read more of your work. It is flawless.
Always with respect,
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Eigle Rull--You have moved me close to tears. I love your comments. So inspiring. Hope you'll read Caduceus from past to present. I'm inspired. I've put off writing for many years--thinking I had no talent. Now--I'm forging ahead.
Comment from Gungalo
Wow Doug. This chapter was really cool. It really was an ordinary chapter at all but one of say maybe a connecting one. It was awesome in that it showed the true feeling of the doctor for his wife. Sigh.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Wow Doug. This chapter was really cool. It really was an ordinary chapter at all but one of say maybe a connecting one. It was awesome in that it showed the true feeling of the doctor for his wife. Sigh.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Gungalo---you're so nice to me---I love it.-Doug
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Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Comment from Rondeno
Does ANYONE cry THAT much? It's a really well-written story, with a good protagonist and excellent emotional restraint.
I can see why it was important for us to know what the mother was wearing, but why describe the others' clothes?
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Does ANYONE cry THAT much? It's a really well-written story, with a good protagonist and excellent emotional restraint.
I can see why it was important for us to know what the mother was wearing, but why describe the others' clothes?
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Why not---filler is sometimes needed. Thanks for 5 stars. Hope you'll read more. You may like it---may not.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I think this is very well-written. It sounds like it is nearly ready to publish, with good character descriptions and emotions, reactions, etc. all balanced out. I would like to point out:
Yeah, that's how it seems to go, doesn't it.
should have question mark after doesn't it
"She's pretty and she looks quite smart."
needs comma after pretty as you have two independent sentences
Her father smiled to acknowledge the compliment as his daughter turned to hide her face in his chest.
I would put a comma after compliment
David admired her neat, clean look, complimented white canvas deck shoes.
I think you mean the other spelling for 'complement' as it having the shoes stand out to help brighten the outfit as an accessory, and I think it would sound better as:
David admired her neat, clean look, complemented by white canvas deck shoes.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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I think this is very well-written. It sounds like it is nearly ready to publish, with good character descriptions and emotions, reactions, etc. all balanced out. I would like to point out:
Yeah, that's how it seems to go, doesn't it.
should have question mark after doesn't it
"She's pretty and she looks quite smart."
needs comma after pretty as you have two independent sentences
Her father smiled to acknowledge the compliment as his daughter turned to hide her face in his chest.
I would put a comma after compliment
David admired her neat, clean look, complimented white canvas deck shoes.
I think you mean the other spelling for 'complement' as it having the shoes stand out to help brighten the outfit as an accessory, and I think it would sound better as:
David admired her neat, clean look, complemented by white canvas deck shoes.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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CC999---Thanks so for SPAG corrections. I ran quickly through this chapter today. Surprised I made do many mistakes. I fix all. _Thanks again--hope you'll read more. Appreciate the editing. Seems most reviewers ignore SPAG----as compared to yrs ago. Thanks again.-----Doug
Comment from Sloegin
You said twice the young mother was attractive. Once is enough
There is sadness here, but no suspense. You need to work in some similes. David felt a fullness in his chest. Try David's chest felt like when the dentist put the X-ray protector on him.
Your verbiage is good and your dialogue, though slow, doesn't seem stilted nor forced.
I feel you have presented a good scene, but you have to spark it up a little.
Sloegin
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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You said twice the young mother was attractive. Once is enough
There is sadness here, but no suspense. You need to work in some similes. David felt a fullness in his chest. Try David's chest felt like when the dentist put the X-ray protector on him.
Your verbiage is good and your dialogue, though slow, doesn't seem stilted nor forced.
I feel you have presented a good scene, but you have to spark it up a little.
Sloegin
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Thanks sloegin---I ran through this chapter quicky. I also noted reduncy in woman's description---forgot to cahnge it. Otherwise---I'll take your recs into consideration. Dug
Comment from lindalcreel
This was a sad time, but I can tell that there was a great deal of compassion and kindness in the good doctor; pity that his wife could no longer see it. I'm sure the divorce took it's toll on everyone except the wife, who seemed to have no trouble moving on with her life, provided the doctor was still paying the bills. Not to worry, she will atone one day. She needs to accept part of that blame too; especially taken a father away from his children. I've never understood why women do that. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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This was a sad time, but I can tell that there was a great deal of compassion and kindness in the good doctor; pity that his wife could no longer see it. I'm sure the divorce took it's toll on everyone except the wife, who seemed to have no trouble moving on with her life, provided the doctor was still paying the bills. Not to worry, she will atone one day. She needs to accept part of that blame too; especially taken a father away from his children. I've never understood why women do that. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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very pschologically astuete review-Thanks , Linda
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Welcome:
Comment from Nosha17
Another excellent chapter from your book. It read very well and gave us an insight into the plight of the Doctor. Characters are well drawn, lively dialogue and well-written as a whole. I like learning the medical stuff. I am a linguist! Commendable
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Another excellent chapter from your book. It read very well and gave us an insight into the plight of the Doctor. Characters are well drawn, lively dialogue and well-written as a whole. I like learning the medical stuff. I am a linguist! Commendable
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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THANK YOU, THANK YOU--love your reviews , Nosha.
Comment from witness4HIM
It is amazing how a word, giggle or smell can bring images of the past into your mind and heart.
David is surely living his past in remembrances.
At least he has finally keep his word to Sue (my deceased mother's name) about drinking,
or rather not drinking.
I know the anguish of having a home, but where you live isn't it. I wrote a song,
about these lyrics
"I have a home, I just have no place to put it"
Your novel really brings back recollections to my mind.
You are doing a great ten years of writing this splendid novel..
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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It is amazing how a word, giggle or smell can bring images of the past into your mind and heart.
David is surely living his past in remembrances.
At least he has finally keep his word to Sue (my deceased mother's name) about drinking,
or rather not drinking.
I know the anguish of having a home, but where you live isn't it. I wrote a song,
about these lyrics
"I have a home, I just have no place to put it"
Your novel really brings back recollections to my mind.
You are doing a great ten years of writing this splendid novel..
Comment Written 27-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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Thank you
Comment from babylonia
wow~ this is a very riveting chapter. easy to read and follow. no spag do i see and even the words are well arranged. LOL i hope that sentence made sense. definitely still raw emotion here especially with the flashes of memories. a window into the private thoughts of a man living in his own hell.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2008
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wow~ this is a very riveting chapter. easy to read and follow. no spag do i see and even the words are well arranged. LOL i hope that sentence made sense. definitely still raw emotion here especially with the flashes of memories. a window into the private thoughts of a man living in his own hell.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2008
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Great comments---thanks again---Doug
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doug,
you are very welcome.
barbara
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
A very sad, introspective, chapter. Well written. I have no suggestions. It read very well. It's just that I think marriage break-ups are some of the saddest things in our society today. And it seems to affect people in law enforcement, medicine, and media more than others. I think it must have something to do with the time demands those careers have
John
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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A very sad, introspective, chapter. Well written. I have no suggestions. It read very well. It's just that I think marriage break-ups are some of the saddest things in our society today. And it seems to affect people in law enforcement, medicine, and media more than others. I think it must have something to do with the time demands those careers have
John
Comment Written 17-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2008
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perceptive point on marriage, John. My divorce was a real heart breaker--it's been 14 years and it still consumes alot of my thought. Thanks again---Doug
