Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "The Separation"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
11 total reviews
Comment from bevtay01
The story grabbed by attention and kept it throughout. However, at one point you mention someone named Barnett. I had to stop reading -- which broke my reading rhythm - to go back to see if I had overlooked a character. I then realized that you meant to say David. My only comment is that need to ensure that you are consistent with character names.
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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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The story grabbed by attention and kept it throughout. However, at one point you mention someone named Barnett. I had to stop reading -- which broke my reading rhythm - to go back to see if I had overlooked a character. I then realized that you meant to say David. My only comment is that need to ensure that you are consistent with character names.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thanks bev---I'll check that out.-Doug
Comment from lindalcreel
The kids are always the ones to suffer, but alcoholism is a sickness, just like any other disease. But the difference is that while most sicknesses bring a family together, this is one that will split them down the middle. Thanks for sharing. I'm going to hope for the best.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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The kids are always the ones to suffer, but alcoholism is a sickness, just like any other disease. But the difference is that while most sicknesses bring a family together, this is one that will split them down the middle. Thanks for sharing. I'm going to hope for the best.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thanks much, Linda--always appreciate your comments-D
Comment from Gungalo
Oh the reality has taken its toll and he has moved out. Sigh his little girl is devastated by it. It will be some time I'm afraid before he sees her again.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Oh the reality has taken its toll and he has moved out. Sigh his little girl is devastated by it. It will be some time I'm afraid before he sees her again.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thanks--as always,G. Your suspions are correct.-Doug
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Sigh.
Comment from witness4HIM
It is sad to see that David is abusing his children in a different way
than that of the business dressed father that hit his son.
He is depriving them of his time and presence,
and Sue is actually doing the same thing in a very different way.
They both have placed material things in front of their children
and even worse in front of GOD.
It is truly impossible to buy love.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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It is sad to see that David is abusing his children in a different way
than that of the business dressed father that hit his son.
He is depriving them of his time and presence,
and Sue is actually doing the same thing in a very different way.
They both have placed material things in front of their children
and even worse in front of GOD.
It is truly impossible to buy love.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2008
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Thanks for nice comments
Comment from babylonia
my heart goes out to this sweet little girl. easy to read and follow. i did see one small spag but it is easy to fix. i really am sorry (drop the 'm of I'm)
definitely a good read. keep up the good work~
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2008
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my heart goes out to this sweet little girl. easy to read and follow. i did see one small spag but it is easy to fix. i really am sorry (drop the 'm of I'm)
definitely a good read. keep up the good work~
Comment Written 20-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2008
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Hi B-----Thanks-----the scene with the little girl is factual. My daughter was six yrs old---it still breaks my heart reading it or thinking about it----however, she's now twenty-one and doing great. Doug
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doug,
i kind of felt like i really was watching the goodbye scene in real life. i thought maybe it was because it is a common scene but it felt like it was happening to you. thanks for telling. i am glad she is doing well.
you are welcome~
babylonia
Comment from Lead Scout
Separation is one of the greatest failure of a couple and it is very common now a days. The holiness of the matrimony ruins when two minds, hearts and souls departed each other. Very well written.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2008
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Separation is one of the greatest failure of a couple and it is very common now a days. The holiness of the matrimony ruins when two minds, hearts and souls departed each other. Very well written.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2008
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Hi cesar-----Thank you----great comments---much appreciated---this chapter is essentially autobiographical--- from 1993---I still hate reading it---especially the part re my daughter wanting to take my clothes back----true event----Thanks again---Doug
Comment from TheFex
An emotion ridden piece, fraught with anger, shame, dissappointment. This would stand as a short story and probably win some awards.
I actually regret reading it. I think I have something in my eye...
spags:
huge house David had agreed to build in hope of appeasing his wife?s anger and
David became angry.
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2008
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An emotion ridden piece, fraught with anger, shame, dissappointment. This would stand as a short story and probably win some awards.
I actually regret reading it. I think I have something in my eye...
spags:
huge house David had agreed to build in hope
David became angry.
Comment Written 16-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2008
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Hi Fex---THANK YOU---great review----This is practically verbatim for what transpired between my wife, daughter and me in 1993. I hate reading it as well--the memories of my little girl trying to take my clothes back still kills me---I've oftened asked her if she remembers the event---fortunately she has little recollection---"something in my eye"---a nice line--especially from a guy----Thanks ---Doug
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Just a small suggestion - I don't think it works, bouncing around between "Barnett" and "David" in the narrative.
A very sad chapter. For some reason the writing feels a little detached. In some cases you put us right in the middle of the action, but in this one, I felt like I was looking at this from a distance. Not sure I can put my finger on why tho. Even though it is a very emotional chapter, it seems a little matter-of-fact. Perhaps some more emotionally charged descriptive passages to match the dialog - I don't know :)
John
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2008
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Just a small suggestion - I don't think it works, bouncing around between "Barnett" and "David" in the narrative.
A very sad chapter. For some reason the writing feels a little detached. In some cases you put us right in the middle of the action, but in this one, I felt like I was looking at this from a distance. Not sure I can put my finger on why tho. Even though it is a very emotional chapter, it seems a little matter-of-fact. Perhaps some more emotionally charged descriptive passages to match the dialog - I don't know :)
John
Comment Written 14-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2008
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Hi John----I'll look at sticking to one name----believe matter-of-fact nature of chapter relates to David's dialogue---Susans is definitely emotional enough---I may change David's lines.---Thanks---Doug
Comment from Juana
I am impressed. David started out in this passage without my support, and yet, before even 1/2 way through he had all my sympathies. Your characters smack of realism, and have complexities which I enjoy. I look forward to reading more.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2008
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I am impressed. David started out in this passage without my support, and yet, before even 1/2 way through he had all my sympathies. Your characters smack of realism, and have complexities which I enjoy. I look forward to reading more.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2008
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Juana----I like your comment on David---He has his share of problems and I want the reader to sympathize with him----thanks again---Doug----It's snowing in Ohio---how's the weather down there?
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Ah, we are in the heat of summer, and it is far to hot to venture outside, as we have a serious problem with UV light and sunburn.
Comment from Moira's Amethyst
I found this to be exceptionally enjoyable for all the dialog. I mean, from first lines you had me drawn in and I was easily amazed with the storyline. I thought it was filled over the brim with originality and that's impressive. I rate this a deservingly five stars and thank you for sharing. Take care.
Poetry's Protege
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2008
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I found this to be exceptionally enjoyable for all the dialog. I mean, from first lines you had me drawn in and I was easily amazed with the storyline. I thought it was filled over the brim with originality and that's impressive. I rate this a deservingly five stars and thank you for sharing. Take care.
Poetry's Protege
Comment Written 14-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2008
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Hi PP----love your comments---im inspired---hope you can read more---Thanks---Doug
