Caduceus
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Dale's Bar"cardiologist falsely accused of wrongful death
14 total reviews
Comment from baustian64
So far I am really liking this book, you have a talent of describing people and places very well. I am pleased with characters and can't wait until they all tie together.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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So far I am really liking this book, you have a talent of describing people and places very well. I am pleased with characters and can't wait until they all tie together.
Comment Written 18-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Baustian--thank you for such nice review. How's the weather up there?-Doug
Comment from lindalcreel
This was a nice get to know you chapter. It showed the vulnerability of David as a young, naive teenager, who was about to discover that one of the hottest girls in the school, liked him. I think it was well played and I can imagine the scene taking place. Good write. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2013
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This was a nice get to know you chapter. It showed the vulnerability of David as a young, naive teenager, who was about to discover that one of the hottest girls in the school, liked him. I think it was well played and I can imagine the scene taking place. Good write. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2013
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Thanks again--your reviews are always appreciated.-D
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A very well written chapter. An interesting storyline and well-developed characters. Good use of dialogue. Clearly written and easy to read. Good luck with your writing~Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2013
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A very well written chapter. An interesting storyline and well-developed characters. Good use of dialogue. Clearly written and easy to read. Good luck with your writing~Debbie
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2013
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Hi Debbie----don't recall any of your reviews in past Really appreciated. Hope you'll read more. Thanks again---Doug
Comment from allborn66
This is an interesting chapter. I like the characters you set up. There seems to be a good possibility for conflict in this story.
Barbara
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2013
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This is an interesting chapter. I like the characters you set up. There seems to be a good possibility for conflict in this story.
Barbara
Comment Written 15-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 15-Oct-2013
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Thanks again barbara--thanks for reading.-doug
Comment from noronradss55
Young love such a fragil endeavour .I like this chapter
even though a little drawn out it honestly depicts
teen age life its highs and its lows good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Young love such a fragil endeavour .I like this chapter
even though a little drawn out it honestly depicts
teen age life its highs and its lows good read.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Thanks---you must be a tough grader---never had four stars on this novel.---Doug
Comment from Gungalo
Well David was pleasantly surprised eh? Sue had been checking him out and practically knew everything about him. Tomorrow they would go out and it should prove interesting.
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Well David was pleasantly surprised eh? Sue had been checking him out and practically knew everything about him. Tomorrow they would go out and it should prove interesting.
Comment Written 14-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 14-Oct-2013
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Thanks G--they probably will go out tomorrow but the reader won't hear about it. Instaed, you get to hear about shooting pool. Go figure?
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Typically male. LOL.
Comment from witness4HIM
It appears the young man Dale has been smitten by a young lass named Susan.
It also appears that his buddies will be taking a secondary seat to her.
I hope that since they have found each other they will stay away from the bar that allows underage teens to drink their beer on premises.
Nice writing in chapter as it shows how teens are influenced by peers.
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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It appears the young man Dale has been smitten by a young lass named Susan.
It also appears that his buddies will be taking a secondary seat to her.
I hope that since they have found each other they will stay away from the bar that allows underage teens to drink their beer on premises.
Nice writing in chapter as it shows how teens are influenced by peers.
Comment Written 09-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2008
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Thanks again--as always. Hope you will keep reading.----Doug
Comment from Blaidd Drwg
Excellent. I have very little to say. It's an easy fluid read, with multi-dimensional characters and believable dialog. I'm lovin' this.
The only suggestion I have, and I had to dig for this, is that in this sentence: "It sounded like she came there to see him" I think the word "here" works better than "there". But, I may be wrong. :)
Great read.
John
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2008
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Excellent. I have very little to say. It's an easy fluid read, with multi-dimensional characters and believable dialog. I'm lovin' this.
The only suggestion I have, and I had to dig for this, is that in this sentence: "It sounded like she came there to see him" I think the word "here" works better than "there". But, I may be wrong. :)
Great read.
John
Comment Written 09-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2008
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Hi John---Glad you're back---I agree with rec----here is better than there---Doug
Comment from Janilou
Now, I am going to have to go back and read from the beginning because you have me intrigued! An excellent chapter! I can't comment on plot, because I have only read one previous chapter. But I will go read more. Excellent descriptions and dialogue.
Well done!
Jan
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2008
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Now, I am going to have to go back and read from the beginning because you have me intrigued! An excellent chapter! I can't comment on plot, because I have only read one previous chapter. But I will go read more. Excellent descriptions and dialogue.
Well done!
Jan
Comment Written 06-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2008
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Hi Jan-------thanks---hope you can find time to read prior chapters----Doug
Comment from Penny Do
You're description of the action going on is well done as well as the relationships and language with the younger set. It was enjoyable to read. Your thoughts were in most cases short and to the point and not long a roaming. Easy to understand.
Suggestion: In all the writers magazines they warn authors of getting their characters out of characters to fast. That might be the case with David. You spend some time setting him up as a guy with a small shy streak and Susan more aggressive because she has gone out with older guys. Then when they parked, David becomes the aggressor right off. I didn't think that was in character. He maybe should have been a little more reserve when out with this untouchable girl with the younger boys or boys her own age.
Suggestion: You get to the exciting part of Sue taking David home, then you lose this exciting part by placing in background, when it should be action. The background descriptions, I feel should be placed in little by little as you approach them leaving.
Grammer suggestions: A place, a long dimly lit room. Doesn't need a comma after the word [long]
Need the word "did" in the sentence to make a question. Did she come in here to see you?"
Don't really need comma after word [sure: Sure I would, who wouldn't."
"What do you mean, 'you two brains'? No quote after the word [brain]. It is taken care of at the end of the sentence.
Thanks for sharing this chapter. I haven't read the others, so you have to be the judge as to my suggestions.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2008
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You're description of the action going on is well done as well as the relationships and language with the younger set. It was enjoyable to read. Your thoughts were in most cases short and to the point and not long a roaming. Easy to understand.
Suggestion: In all the writers magazines they warn authors of getting their characters out of characters to fast. That might be the case with David. You spend some time setting him up as a guy with a small shy streak and Susan more aggressive because she has gone out with older guys. Then when they parked, David becomes the aggressor right off. I didn't think that was in character. He maybe should have been a little more reserve when out with this untouchable girl with the younger boys or boys her own age.
Suggestion: You get to the exciting part of Sue taking David home, then you lose this exciting part by placing in background, when it should be action. The background descriptions, I feel should be placed in little by little as you approach them leaving.
Grammer suggestions: A place, a long dimly lit room. Doesn't need a comma after the word [long]
Need the word "did" in the sentence to make a question. Did she come in here to see you?"
Don't really need comma after word [sure: Sure I would, who wouldn't."
"What do you mean, 'you two brains'? No quote after the word [brain]. It is taken care of at the end of the sentence.
Thanks for sharing this chapter. I haven't read the others, so you have to be the judge as to my suggestions.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2008
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2008
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Penny---Thanks---I'll take alook at coorections---and prose regarding post--Make-out scens---Thanks again---Doug
