A Serendipitous Meeting
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Chapter 4 C"Traditional in a modern world..
27 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
A story about quilting and medical issues. You have my interest!
A few comments:
Perhaps: and whether Tyler was the father.
"You've mentioned that," Perhaps delete this phrase, it dilutes the next phrase, gives it less impact. Suggest: But you didn't have a choice.
"She uncovered a frame with a quilt started." Suggest: She uncovered a quilting frame with a quilt started on it.
"I don't have a car. I could do it over the phone." "It" is a little vague here, perhaps: I could (tell him) over the phone.
father-daughter conversation. (used as a compound adjective)
"He checked it and said," Perhaps: He took her blood pressure. "I knew . . .
"Richard Stuart repeatedly called Amber. She didn't answer so he came to her apartment and continued knocking and shouting. Not sure how to handle it, she called Roger. He went over there. After the threat of a lawsuit, Stuart left. Roger didn't answer any of his questions. The major one who's the father of your baby. Amber's spending the night at Roger's apartment." This paragraph is a little hazy. Perhaps:
"Richard Stuart repeatedly (phoned) Amber. She didn't answer so he came to her apartment and (began) knocking and shouting.
Not sure how to handle it, she called Roger, (who) went over there. After the(y) threat(ened him with) a lawsuit, Stuart left. (But) Roger didn't answer any of his questions. The major one (being) who's the father of your baby. (And) Amber's spending the night at Roger's apartment."
"Rebeka's hand flew over her mouth." Suggest: (to) her mouth.
Tyler noticed Rebeka's bedroom door was closed and knocked. "Beka, I need to check your blood pressure." Suggest: As he did (that), he said, "We'll need to leave about seven-thirty."
Lots of intrigue!
I've learned that a draft is only done when you stop tweaking it. Every time I pick up a piece of mine, I start making edits. Again!
Sol
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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A story about quilting and medical issues. You have my interest!
A few comments:
Perhaps: and whether Tyler was the father.
"You've mentioned that," Perhaps delete this phrase, it dilutes the next phrase, gives it less impact. Suggest: But you didn't have a choice.
"She uncovered a frame with a quilt started." Suggest: She uncovered a quilting frame with a quilt started on it.
"I don't have a car. I could do it over the phone." "It" is a little vague here, perhaps: I could (tell him) over the phone.
father-daughter conversation. (used as a compound adjective)
"He checked it and said," Perhaps: He took her blood pressure. "I knew . . .
"Richard Stuart repeatedly called Amber. She didn't answer so he came to her apartment and continued knocking and shouting. Not sure how to handle it, she called Roger. He went over there. After the threat of a lawsuit, Stuart left. Roger didn't answer any of his questions. The major one who's the father of your baby. Amber's spending the night at Roger's apartment." This paragraph is a little hazy. Perhaps:
"Richard Stuart repeatedly (phoned) Amber. She didn't answer so he came to her apartment and (began) knocking and shouting.
Not sure how to handle it, she called Roger, (who) went over there. After the(y) threat(ened him with) a lawsuit, Stuart left. (But) Roger didn't answer any of his questions. The major one (being) who's the father of your baby. (And) Amber's spending the night at Roger's apartment."
"Rebeka's hand flew over her mouth." Suggest: (to) her mouth.
Tyler noticed Rebeka's bedroom door was closed and knocked. "Beka, I need to check your blood pressure." Suggest: As he did (that), he said, "We'll need to leave about seven-thirty."
Lots of intrigue!
I've learned that a draft is only done when you stop tweaking it. Every time I pick up a piece of mine, I start making edits. Again!
Sol
Comment Written 10-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2025
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I love when you edit my work. The line with quilting frame in it, that's the way I originally had it but was worried quit would be redundant. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Comment from lancellot
One of your longer chapters but with the scene change and the amount of character interactions, it was needed to get all the relevant information and details in. I think everything seemed to go according to your plan.
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2025
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One of your longer chapters but with the scene change and the amount of character interactions, it was needed to get all the relevant information and details in. I think everything seemed to go according to your plan.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Barbara,
What an excellent addition to your chapter. I am curious to know how Rebekah's visit with her father is going to go. If i'm a betting woman I'm guessing it won't go well. Time will tell.
Well done
Cecilia
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2025
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Barbara,
What an excellent addition to your chapter. I am curious to know how Rebekah's visit with her father is going to go. If i'm a betting woman I'm guessing it won't go well. Time will tell.
Well done
Cecilia
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 10-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from jmdg1954
It reads like Tyler is a gentlemen and a caring person. To take in a younger women and pregnant , taking care of her ad getting his professional friends involved it sees he's having feelings for Rebeka.
Looking toward the next couple of chapters to identify how it all shakes out.
Good stuff,
John
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2025
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It reads like Tyler is a gentlemen and a caring person. To take in a younger women and pregnant , taking care of her ad getting his professional friends involved it sees he's having feelings for Rebeka.
Looking toward the next couple of chapters to identify how it all shakes out.
Good stuff,
John
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I will make sure I pop in to read the reaction of Rebeka's father. I'm sure he will be shocked. But what of Richard? Can she deny the child is his? How on earth will she get out of that one? She won't want to tie herself down with him! This is coming along wonderfully, Barb, well done! Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2025
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I will make sure I pop in to read the reaction of Rebeka's father. I'm sure he will be shocked. But what of Richard? Can she deny the child is his? How on earth will she get out of that one? She won't want to tie herself down with him! This is coming along wonderfully, Barb, well done! Love and hugs, Sandra xxx
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the kind review. Both of your questions will be answered very soon. Thank you for the kind review. I will continue to pray for you. I also hope you're taking it easy.
Comment from Lana Marie
Well, I got a little glimpse of your characters through what I just read. Your opening statement about the background."Respect any man who heals a broken woman he didn't break and raises a child he didn't make" is something I can relate to. As my stepdad came into my mom's life when I was nine and my mom had four children. Fast forward many years when I was 27. I met my now husband of 30 years when I had three little ones. The youngest was only six weeks old. It takes a lot for someone to come in and raise someone else's children.
No, I wasn't a famous author, and my husband wasn't a doctor, but I can see how the attention would be something you'd want to dodge when you're trying to heal from a broken relationship in the public eye. Good luck to you with the remaining chapters.
I've only read this one and you kept my attention the whole time.
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2025
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Well, I got a little glimpse of your characters through what I just read. Your opening statement about the background."Respect any man who heals a broken woman he didn't break and raises a child he didn't make" is something I can relate to. As my stepdad came into my mom's life when I was nine and my mom had four children. Fast forward many years when I was 27. I met my now husband of 30 years when I had three little ones. The youngest was only six weeks old. It takes a lot for someone to come in and raise someone else's children.
No, I wasn't a famous author, and my husband wasn't a doctor, but I can see how the attention would be something you'd want to dodge when you're trying to heal from a broken relationship in the public eye. Good luck to you with the remaining chapters.
I've only read this one and you kept my attention the whole time.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2025
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Thank you for sharing your story with me. There are great men in the world. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Tyler and Roger might be Dallas's most eligible bachelors, but they are also the most generous with their time and consideration. Rebeka will probably need Tyler with her when her father sees her condition. I imagine there will be lots of preaching and demanding she never darken his door again.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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Tyler and Roger might be Dallas's most eligible bachelors, but they are also the most generous with their time and consideration. Rebeka will probably need Tyler with her when her father sees her condition. I imagine there will be lots of preaching and demanding she never darken his door again.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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You are extremely close. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from eliz100
This is another excellent chapter. You move the story along nicely, and the hook at the end is great. I would like you to look at two areas. "You spent a lot of money. Why would she do that?" It seems to me there needs to be some transition between the two sentences.
"She is a hometown girl. She and Ty's best friend since elementary
school."
Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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This is another excellent chapter. You move the story along nicely, and the hook at the end is great. I would like you to look at two areas. "You spent a lot of money. Why would she do that?" It seems to me there needs to be some transition between the two sentences.
"She is a hometown girl. She and Ty's best friend since elementary
school."
Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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I have worked on those areas a few minutes ago. I will recheck them. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good plot movement.
She and Ty's been friends since elementary school." - (have been friends?)
"Her and Zeke are in the barn with Pete. - You might be right, but 'she and Zeke' sound better to me.
"Go back inside. I'll be right there." - Maybe a little less authoritative?
"That's not going to happen. Your pregnancy's high risk. I'm sure your blood pressure is off the charts. You'll remain here. There'll be less stress." - Again, the controlling issue I raised in a previous review.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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Good plot movement.
She and Ty's been friends since elementary school." - (have been friends?)
"Her and Zeke are in the barn with Pete. - You might be right, but 'she and Zeke' sound better to me.
"Go back inside. I'll be right there." - Maybe a little less authoritative?
"That's not going to happen. Your pregnancy's high risk. I'm sure your blood pressure is off the charts. You'll remain here. There'll be less stress." - Again, the controlling issue I raised in a previous review.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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Thank you for the corrections. I have made the edits. Yes, Ty's a little controlling, but... he's doing it for her safety. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sankey
This was a very exciting and dramatic read. I wonder how everyone found out about Tyler and Rebekah? Just one tiny spag at the very beginning.Tyler and Rebeka (met)6 days ago.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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This was a very exciting and dramatic read. I wonder how everyone found out about Tyler and Rebekah? Just one tiny spag at the very beginning.Tyler and Rebeka (met)6 days ago.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2025
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I made the correction. Thank you for the kind review.
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Do you remember Walu Feral? On here for years. Abused by father and Uncle for years. Sadly passed away recently.
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I saw that on FaceBook. So sorry. My prayers are with his family.
