Southern Justice
Life in the South long ago, was different then today4 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I think this has a lot of emotion and interesting details. I wasn't very sure when it took place. Setting ought to include a year or at least a decade reference. "Long ago" with some of the language made me think mainly of the 1960s, maybe.
Another reviewer pointed out quite a few places to improve on, so I will just list the first one I found as a suggestion again:
I think as I franticly search my mind
change 'franticly' to 'frantically' there. Also, you might want to go through and check your dialogue to include commas or other punctuation marks.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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I think this has a lot of emotion and interesting details. I wasn't very sure when it took place. Setting ought to include a year or at least a decade reference. "Long ago" with some of the language made me think mainly of the 1960s, maybe.
Another reviewer pointed out quite a few places to improve on, so I will just list the first one I found as a suggestion again:
I think as I franticly search my mind
change 'franticly' to 'frantically' there. Also, you might want to go through and check your dialogue to include commas or other punctuation marks.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Hi Crystie, thank you so much for the great review. You were right about the time frame, it was 1965. He saw a calendar hanging on the wall that featured the 1965 Ford Mustang.
When I write, I try and use the same lingo people used in that time period. Normally I can get it right.
I will correct the mistakes, thank you for pointing them out. I think I grabbed a old working copy of this instead of a proofed copy. I do make mistakes, but not that many. Thank you again and I do appreciate your help. Have a great evening. Jake
Comment from Yolanda King
I like how you depict the deep south, it does indeed send chills down my spine. You picked a topic that's highly explosive again. I like Will's thoughts and his attitude, even if it lands him in the ICU.
I found a few things, though, that need correcting:
I think as I franticly search my mind for = thought, frantically
The disgust on his face was one or two things. = of
Counting me, there are eighteen people filling the cramped quarters = there were
His voice a near whimper, at the same time he move his chair away from mine. = he moved
I smile at my own analyses = analysis
"What in praise hell are you referring to Mr. Green?" The question asked by a slim balding man of fifty or so. = to, Mr. Green, is asked
I paused momentary hoping my statement will sink in. = I pause momentarily
I continued my raving rant as the group focused on me. = continue, focuses
"You better watch your mouth boy! There are women in here if you haven't noticed." A large... = starting with this paragraph, you suddenly switch to the past tense for the next few paragraphs, although you were telling the story in the present tense before. Here is where you revert back to the present: "Yeah, I think their all related." The thought brings a smile to my face for the second time today, God knows I needed that.
A large, tattooed covered = tattoo-covered
commonsense = common sense
"Yeah, I think their all related." = they're
You keep jumping around with the tenses in general, it makes it a bit hard to read at times. Also, in a few places it'd be nice to have some more ,
I looked around the conference room admiring the mahogany table we made our camp. = table where
one hundred, fifteen years ago = 115
rollover = roll over
The words 'Honorable Judge Melvin P. Carter' was engraved = were
their good boys and don't even have a police record = they're
We've learn Mr. Green = we've learned/learnt
was the lease of = the least of
All in all, I like how the story flows.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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I like how you depict the deep south, it does indeed send chills down my spine. You picked a topic that's highly explosive again. I like Will's thoughts and his attitude, even if it lands him in the ICU.
I found a few things, though, that need correcting:
I think as I franticly search my mind for = thought, frantically
The disgust on his face was one or two things. = of
Counting me, there are eighteen people filling the cramped quarters = there were
His voice a near whimper, at the same time he move his chair away from mine. = he moved
I smile at my own analyses = analysis
"What in praise hell are you referring to Mr. Green?" The question asked by a slim balding man of fifty or so. = to, Mr. Green, is asked
I paused momentary hoping my statement will sink in. = I pause momentarily
I continued my raving rant as the group focused on me. = continue, focuses
"You better watch your mouth boy! There are women in here if you haven't noticed." A large... = starting with this paragraph, you suddenly switch to the past tense for the next few paragraphs, although you were telling the story in the present tense before. Here is where you revert back to the present: "Yeah, I think their all related." The thought brings a smile to my face for the second time today, God knows I needed that.
A large, tattooed covered = tattoo-covered
commonsense = common sense
"Yeah, I think their all related." = they're
You keep jumping around with the tenses in general, it makes it a bit hard to read at times. Also, in a few places it'd be nice to have some more ,
I looked around the conference room admiring the mahogany table we made our camp. = table where
one hundred, fifteen years ago = 115
rollover = roll over
The words 'Honorable Judge Melvin P. Carter' was engraved = were
their good boys and don't even have a police record = they're
We've learn Mr. Green = we've learned/learnt
was the lease of = the least of
All in all, I like how the story flows.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Hi Yolanda, thank you for the review, I really appreciate it. Thank you for the insight and the corrections needed. I think I posted one of my old working copy instead if a proofed copy. Thank you and have a good night. Jake
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Ah, those old copies, don't I know them! Looking forward to reading more!
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Hi Yolanda, I went back and checked, I found mistakes, but not like you pointed out. Thank you again for the help. Have a great evening. Jake
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OK, perhaps I misunderstood your story. Anyway, looking forward to reading more of your materials.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Wow, your story really pulled me in - I could feel the tension building with every line. The judge's words hit hard. And that news report - wow! The way you wrapped it up with that last thought as the morphine kicked in was touching. This was intense and powerful. And seriously great writing!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Wow, your story really pulled me in - I could feel the tension building with every line. The judge's words hit hard. And that news report - wow! The way you wrapped it up with that last thought as the morphine kicked in was touching. This was intense and powerful. And seriously great writing!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Michael, I think you are one of my biggest fans, thank you. I try to put my all into each story I write. I want the reader to be captivated, interested and excited to read it when they can. This is not based on a true story, it is one I entered into a contest several years ago. I won 1st place and people wanted to know if it was a true story. That is my goal. Thank you again and have a great night.
Comment from EILEEN LAW
Hmmm some politicians of today and 8 years ago have similar attitudes. Thank goodness people with real hearts don't. I understand the complexities of socialization but not the input of the color card in that society. I prefer to mixing pot of rainbows I enjoy here in my neighbourhood.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Hmmm some politicians of today and 8 years ago have similar attitudes. Thank goodness people with real hearts don't. I understand the complexities of socialization but not the input of the color card in that society. I prefer to mixing pot of rainbows I enjoy here in my neighbourhood.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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I'm with you 100%. It's funny, I love watching the videos of kittens playing with the big dogs and the dogs are so gentle. Never understood why people can't show that same kindness. Something I learned in Marine Bootcamp was all Marines are green and we all bleed red. The green is the brother and sisters Marines. It didn't matter what color you were, if you're a Marine, your green. My thought, like you, I like the mixed pot. That you for another great review. Jake
