Breaking Out
Syllables 1-5-5-9 for each stanza46 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry
Now you have me humming the darn thing. They are coming to take me away ho ho ha ha hee hee. It was so bizarre, I loved that. That steady beat. And all about his dog. I wrote one I put aside for later. because it was not in the poetic form she chose. Good work girlfriend. Karen
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025
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Now you have me humming the darn thing. They are coming to take me away ho ho ha ha hee hee. It was so bizarre, I loved that. That steady beat. And all about his dog. I wrote one I put aside for later. because it was not in the poetic form she chose. Good work girlfriend. Karen
Comment Written 03-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2025
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Hey Sweetie Pie, Isn't that song addicting? Hahaha! And thanks for the wonderful comments for this eerie contest entry. You my dear are so very kind. Lotsa love, Debi
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:-)
Comment from njcoleman
Excellent Debi! As I'm reading it that song came in my head and I was going to mention it in my review. Then I saw you featured it. Perfect match.
Your poem also reminded me of R.P. McMurphy and Nurse Ratched in "Cuckoo's Nest". Very well done!!!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Excellent Debi! As I'm reading it that song came in my head and I was going to mention it in my review. Then I saw you featured it. Perfect match.
Your poem also reminded me of R.P. McMurphy and Nurse Ratched in "Cuckoo's Nest". Very well done!!!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Awe, thank you so much for this awesome review. You made my day with your observations. Thank you again and I must say that since you were thinking about this song too, I guess great minds think alike. LOL.
Thanks again, my friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from EeanBlack
Oh, that's just my childhood. Chaos was the norm. You know, I do like writing for the Little Workshop Of Horrors. The prompts are just dark and fun. I lean toward that anyway, so it's a great fit. The only thing I don't like is a deadline. That is to be expected, and I benefit from that, but it still makes me feel anxious. My brother was a resident at one of these medical facilities after he came back from Vietnam. It took one visit for me to fully understand his ordeal. Your poem fits perfectly with his experience. He got better after he died. He loved to talk about time being on a linear plane. I loved to ask him, "What the hell are you talking about?" He was great.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Oh, that's just my childhood. Chaos was the norm. You know, I do like writing for the Little Workshop Of Horrors. The prompts are just dark and fun. I lean toward that anyway, so it's a great fit. The only thing I don't like is a deadline. That is to be expected, and I benefit from that, but it still makes me feel anxious. My brother was a resident at one of these medical facilities after he came back from Vietnam. It took one visit for me to fully understand his ordeal. Your poem fits perfectly with his experience. He got better after he died. He loved to talk about time being on a linear plane. I loved to ask him, "What the hell are you talking about?" He was great.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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He got better after he died? You intrigue me, You are something else, Eean.
I am sorry if he really was a resident of one of those places and if so it sounds like you were a good brother. Thanks my friend. Love, Debi
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Sorry for the touch of truth. Some people don’t want that in their life. Enjoy your weekend. I wasn’t trying to bring you down.
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Hey you, I can take truth as well as anyone, but sometimes you joke about something so I can't tell the difference. You gotta admit the satememnt he got better after he died was a bit unusual. Yet if you ever heard my home life as az
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That wasn't an insult, friend. I meant it haunted him all his life. I do admit it was unusual. Out of 9 brothers, HE was MY brother. He started me on my journey in art and reading the classics. Forgive me, but he was my god as a child. I do not want to make an enemy of you. I like you too much. God Bless.
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Like I said, I find you intriguing. You are everything I wish I could be personality wise. You are fun and quirky. Gosh I love quirky! And you are sometimes hard to read where I have been brought up to be nice. Nice is boring when it's all the time. LOL, sometimes it would be nice to be naughty. Hehe. Or quirky. Anyway, end of complaining. I guess this poem helped me act out a different side for a bit.'
Thanks for letting me think out loud for a few minutes.
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You know that moment when you put your index finger to your lips and go bdbdbdbdb. This is it.
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hahahahaha. That's what I am talking about.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This was a new experience for me. I read your poem and thought "Where is Debi? She's not in this poem." I then read your notes and understood the humor. I don't know where I've been, but I never hear the song in the video. This was an excellent contribution for the club prompt.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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This was a new experience for me. I read your poem and thought "Where is Debi? She's not in this poem." I then read your notes and understood the humor. I don't know where I've been, but I never hear the song in the video. This was an excellent contribution for the club prompt.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Yes, Lorraine, I realize that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So as soon as I read the prompt, the song popped in my head. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend! Love, Debi
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Debi,
You fulfilled the club prompt well with this poem. It seems to say this person is faking insanity but maybe is regretting it. The black background could be a metaphor for the darkness true insanity brings and the white words hope of a cure for those truly ill.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your day and week.
Joan
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Hi Debi,
You fulfilled the club prompt well with this poem. It seems to say this person is faking insanity but maybe is regretting it. The black background could be a metaphor for the darkness true insanity brings and the white words hope of a cure for those truly ill.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Enjoy the rest of your day and week.
Joan
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Hi Joan, I agree that the background was good for this poem.
I realize that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So as soon as I read the prompt, the song popped in my head. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend! Love, Debi
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You're welcome, Debi.
Yes this is not generally a topic you write about. I do remember the chorus of this song. Though I didn't remember the rest of the lyrics.
Joan
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Debi!
You did a great job with your syllable counts over multiple stanzas. I think the monorhyme strengthens your piece. Nice job communicating the Abandoned Asylum theme in your verse.
Kim
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Hi Debi!
You did a great job with your syllable counts over multiple stanzas. I think the monorhyme strengthens your piece. Nice job communicating the Abandoned Asylum theme in your verse.
Kim
Comment Written 02-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2025
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Hi Kim, when I realized that not everyone knew that song and they wouldn't necessarily see the humor in it, I thought I best add the explanation. I did this prompt because I grew up with that song. So as soon as I read the prompt, the song popped in my head. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all.
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend! Love, Debi
Comment from jake cosmos aller
i get the wry humor of this poem and like it. the image fits as well as the song as well. One netflex movie I want to watch soon is Nurse Rachet which is a re-telling of the movie One Flew Over the Coo Coo Nest from the point of view of the head nurse who is depicted as having her own mental health issues!
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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i get the wry humor of this poem and like it. the image fits as well as the song as well. One netflex movie I want to watch soon is Nurse Rachet which is a re-telling of the movie One Flew Over the Coo Coo Nest from the point of view of the head nurse who is depicted as having her own mental health issues!
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Haha, hi Jake, I love that movie with Jack N. That is an oldie.
I realize that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So as soon as I read the prompt, the song popped in my head. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend! Love, Debi
Comment from Dawn Munro
I'm not sure if you wrote it this way intentionally, as in, meaning it to be vernacular, but the grammar is incorrect here (a double negative makes the meaning change="can't" & "no more" means I CAN take it...)
"I can't take no more"
Heck, the person who did the video writing is wrong too -- an udder is something on a cow! *smile* It's "utterly mad".
But I enjoyed it -- it's a walk down memory lane for me -- I liked that silly 'recital' so much, I had some of it memorized, and used it more than once to get a laugh! (Lol).
Great job!
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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I'm not sure if you wrote it this way intentionally, as in, meaning it to be vernacular, but the grammar is incorrect here (a double negative makes the meaning change="can't" & "no more" means I CAN take it...)
"I can't take no more"
Heck, the person who did the video writing is wrong too -- an udder is something on a cow! *smile* It's "utterly mad".
But I enjoyed it -- it's a walk down memory lane for me -- I liked that silly 'recital' so much, I had some of it memorized, and used it more than once to get a laugh! (Lol).
Great job!
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Yes, Dawn, I do know my grammar. LOL. That was suppose to sound like someone who was desperate and there for a long time. I had planned to put an "Ain't" in there too and ran out of room. So I guess I had hoped that everyone would just know that.
As far as the video goes, that was maybe done that way on purpose. That's kind of like correcting the Beverly Hillbillies. Haha. Maybe I should go add it in notes in case anyone else wonders.
Also, I realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song.
So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
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I sure hope my answer didn't sound like I was being rude. I meant it in a sincere and kind way.
Thanks Sweetie.
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Not at all -- no worries. :)
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Wow, Deb I wish I had a s ix, your poem is magnificent, and you captured exactly the chaos of our world dominated by fear, war, misunderstanding. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Wow, Deb I wish I had a s ix, your poem is magnificent, and you captured exactly the chaos of our world dominated by fear, war, misunderstanding. Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hi Sweetie, I thank you so much. I realized that not everyone knew that song and so they wouldn't see the humor in it. The reason I did this prompt in the first place was because I grew up with that song. So I had that on my mind while writing so it would end with the song. Otherwise this is so not me at all. I guess you already knew that. LOL..
Thanks for the kind review and comments, my dear friend.
Love, Debi
Comment from Neonewman
I just knew this song would follow this incredible little piece of insanity, Debi. I love toying with the mind, and these days, most folks are easily tricked by simple vocabulary. I wrote a twist-of-the-mind piece here in FS a few years back called Mind Games. You should give it a look. Well, only if you want too. Lol.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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I just knew this song would follow this incredible little piece of insanity, Debi. I love toying with the mind, and these days, most folks are easily tricked by simple vocabulary. I wrote a twist-of-the-mind piece here in FS a few years back called Mind Games. You should give it a look. Well, only if you want too. Lol.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 01-Apr-2025
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2025
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Hey Steve, how far back is this piece? I will check it out. Thank you for seeing the humor in this. You know it is not like me. But as soon as I saw the prompt, the song popped into my head and I had to write it accordingly so the last line would be, "They're coming to take me away. Hahaha!
So I must be darker than I even thought. After all great minds think alike. I love it!!!
Thanks for the great review and comments, my dear friend. I am on my way to go take a peak at your post. Love, Debi
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I actually played this song at work the other day. I enjoyed everyone's reaction. However, they already know my lunacy. Lol.
I read your comment for mind games and loved it.
God bless,
Steve
