BOOK OF RENGA POEMS
Viewing comments for Chapter 74 "An Elk Brigade"Renga is a collective poets Japanese poem
13 total reviews
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Perfect! Absolutely love the inclusion of the 'Elk Brigade' into the nature RENGA here... And a great use of sounds of 's' throughout... Thanx for sharing! :) Yvette
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Perfect! Absolutely love the inclusion of the 'Elk Brigade' into the nature RENGA here... And a great use of sounds of 's' throughout... Thanx for sharing! :) Yvette
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Thanks a lot for the great review. I love to use alliterations.
Comment from Sugarray77
Hi Lisa. I enjoyed reading this renga and think it is well crafted. Your group's theme of nature is a good one and your subject of elks sprinting through the woods bring a lovely mental picture to mind. Great job.
Melissa
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Hi Lisa. I enjoyed reading this renga and think it is well crafted. Your group's theme of nature is a good one and your subject of elks sprinting through the woods bring a lovely mental picture to mind. Great job.
Melissa
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Thanks a lot for the great review.
Comment from kahpot
Oh! I like this one, the connections of this renga book seem to be forming well, to write such short yet meaningful verse is a talent, very well written and presented****kahpot
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Oh! I like this one, the connections of this renga book seem to be forming well, to write such short yet meaningful verse is a talent, very well written and presented****kahpot
Comment Written 09-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2025
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Thanks a lot for the great review. Yes. I'm too tired to write any longer but this one still takes a hour.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-You wrote a very good poem
with effective nature imagery.
-We can picture the elks as they
"sprint to find food."
-Then they are followed by a brigade.
-Very well done.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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-Very nice artwork and presentation.
-You wrote a very good poem
with effective nature imagery.
-We can picture the elks as they
"sprint to find food."
-Then they are followed by a brigade.
-Very well done.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Ulla
Aw, Lisa, I loved your poem and it's a perfect addition and response to the former poem. I love that Gypsy have started this book giving us so much inspiration and opportunity. Ulla xxx
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Aw, Lisa, I loved your poem and it's a perfect addition and response to the former poem. I love that Gypsy have started this book giving us so much inspiration and opportunity. Ulla xxx
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Thank you for contributing to the Book of Renga poems. It's an excellent chapter. Beautiful presentation and imagery. Good syllables and connection between lines.
One suggestion is to link the theme and time of day. We went from night time and full moon to day time. Please check the previous 5/7/5 and see if you can link them better. Since chapter 68 the topic has been about wolves or night creatures. I think it's a good idea to move away from wolves and night to a new theme but it has to transition smoothly. That is why it's so important to link the 5/7/5 to the 7/7 ... I know it can be confusing but you are doing a great job with your verses. Keep it up!
Thank you!
Chapter 73 5/7/5 gypsy
pack of nocturnal
beasts run wild neath the full moon
after ill-starred prey
====================
Chapter 74 7/7 jasmine
elks sprint swiftly to find food
a hoofed brigade rushes through
Thank you for adding the author notes :)
Gypsy
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for contributing to the Book of Renga poems. It's an excellent chapter. Beautiful presentation and imagery. Good syllables and connection between lines.
One suggestion is to link the theme and time of day. We went from night time and full moon to day time. Please check the previous 5/7/5 and see if you can link them better. Since chapter 68 the topic has been about wolves or night creatures. I think it's a good idea to move away from wolves and night to a new theme but it has to transition smoothly. That is why it's so important to link the 5/7/5 to the 7/7 ... I know it can be confusing but you are doing a great job with your verses. Keep it up!
Thank you!
Chapter 73 5/7/5 gypsy
pack of nocturnal
beasts run wild neath the full moon
after ill-starred prey
====================
Chapter 74 7/7 jasmine
elks sprint swiftly to find food
a hoofed brigade rushes through
Thank you for adding the author notes :)
Gypsy
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. I'm so sorry about your situation in LA. My son lives near you in Glassel Park. But he is in RPV now staying with his girlfriend's parents. I hope things will get better soon. I will pray for more rain.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Elks are beautiful creatures. I would love to see on in the wild. Maybe someday. I enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for sharing it with us. This is a good write.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Elks are beautiful creatures. I would love to see on in the wild. Maybe someday. I enjoyed reading this poem. Thank you for sharing it with us. This is a good write.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
Comment from patcelaw
This is a lovely chapter for the book. I enjoyed reading it very much. It flows very well when it is rather loud and you have a wonderful day and God bless you.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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This is a lovely chapter for the book. I enjoyed reading it very much. It flows very well when it is rather loud and you have a wonderful day and God bless you.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
A lovely follow-on from Gypsy's post. Such impressive creatures! I like the imagery of ' hoofed brigade' which conjures up, for me, a noisy and disciplined military mission. Excellent! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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A lovely follow-on from Gypsy's post. Such impressive creatures! I like the imagery of ' hoofed brigade' which conjures up, for me, a noisy and disciplined military mission. Excellent! Debbie
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem. Yes. Noisy for sure.
Comment from royowen
An excellent two line renga Lisa, there is a wonderful thing about these majestic creatures, and you've done such a great job with this two line renga, beautifully written Lisa, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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An excellent two line renga Lisa, there is a wonderful thing about these majestic creatures, and you've done such a great job with this two line renga, beautifully written Lisa, blessings Roy
Comment Written 08-Jan-2025
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2025
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Thank you for reading and reviewing my poem.
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Most welcome
