Ben Paul Persons
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Ben Paul Persons, Ch. 6"A fresh calling
8 total reviews
Comment from Jim Wile
NLUV nearly got away with it but for a bold and enterprising Sylvia. Her quick thinking saved the day as she fearlessly rammed his car.
You did a good job showing how smug and complacent the cops were and how bigoted towards Latinos and anyone trying to help them. But Sylvia kept her cool throughout and did what was necessary to save a horrible miscarriage of justice. This was an exciting chapter.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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NLUV nearly got away with it but for a bold and enterprising Sylvia. Her quick thinking saved the day as she fearlessly rammed his car.
You did a good job showing how smug and complacent the cops were and how bigoted towards Latinos and anyone trying to help them. But Sylvia kept her cool throughout and did what was necessary to save a horrible miscarriage of justice. This was an exciting chapter.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Thank you. What a great review! You made my day.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Talk about a corrupt police department. Thank heavens Sylvia saved the day. It doesn't make much sense that the police would be quite that inefficient and mean. Were most of them on the take from Pedro? That might be made clearer to make it believable.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Talk about a corrupt police department. Thank heavens Sylvia saved the day. It doesn't make much sense that the police would be quite that inefficient and mean. Were most of them on the take from Pedro? That might be made clearer to make it believable.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Thank you. Many found mean police to be very real. Depends on your experience, I suppose. But you are right. A few more words would help.
Comment from Wendy G
Thank goodness Sylvia was able to keep her wits about her. The police didn't seem interested at all in finding out the truth, so log as they could make arrests. And their treatment of "suspects" was appalling.
Wendy
Edit: ginning at her obvious terror-stricken expression, (grinning)
Well, thank you?" Sylvia said without a great deal of confidence. (no question mark needed, just a comma).
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2024
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Thank goodness Sylvia was able to keep her wits about her. The police didn't seem interested at all in finding out the truth, so log as they could make arrests. And their treatment of "suspects" was appalling.
Wendy
Edit: ginning at her obvious terror-stricken expression, (grinning)
Well, thank you?" Sylvia said without a great deal of confidence. (no question mark needed, just a comma).
Comment Written 15-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2024
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Great catches. Thank you.
The question mark was intended to indicate her tone (lack of confidence). I realize the grammatical issue. Guess I need to spend a few more words. (Sometimes I wish there was an endless supply of them.) smiley face here
Thanks again for your very nice review.
Comment from lyenochka
You got me worried as to how our fearless couple was going to get out of this difficult predicament! I guess the Lord gave Sylvia all the right moves to solve the case! And I wonder how many little Bens and Sylvias Tia and Pablow will have! A fun story which has a good wrap-up!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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You got me worried as to how our fearless couple was going to get out of this difficult predicament! I guess the Lord gave Sylvia all the right moves to solve the case! And I wonder how many little Bens and Sylvias Tia and Pablow will have! A fun story which has a good wrap-up!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Thank you! Sylvia is just walking (driving) in the Spirit.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Wayne,
This is a great addition to your book. I'm so glad Sylvia got Ben Paul and Tia out of jail. What a nice twist of her ramming into the trunk of the car and finding those knives.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Wayne,
This is a great addition to your book. I'm so glad Sylvia got Ben Paul and Tia out of jail. What a nice twist of her ramming into the trunk of the car and finding those knives.
Well done my friend
Cecilia
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Thank you very much for your kind review.
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Wayne,
You're welcome
Comment from Ric Myworld
There's one thing for sure, us readers are never really going to know exactly where your stories might go next. But we'll never be left wondering if there is going to be more conflict. :-) Thanks for sharing.
"Then he take(s) my knife and the next thing I know, . . .
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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There's one thing for sure, us readers are never really going to know exactly where your stories might go next. But we'll never be left wondering if there is going to be more conflict. :-) Thanks for sharing.
"Then he take(s) my knife and the next thing I know, . . .
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Thank you. I appreciate your fine review.
'take' was my feeble attempt to go part way on dialect.
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I thought that maybe it was, because in all the time I'd been reading your posts I don't think I've ever found a miscue. But when that was the only diddle in the dialect, I thought it might be a simple oversight. LOL. Anyway, it's all good just the same.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
"we'll give to the full tour" - "to" should be "you"
They beat women and manhandle 82-year-olds. Nice place.
Yeah, Sylvia! It's amazing what one can do when facing down danger.
My goodness, they really do lead an adventure-packed life. I'm embarrassed, as the highlight of my day is a glass of wine at the end of it, lol!
Good chapter, Wayne.
xo
Pam
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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"we'll give to the full tour" - "to" should be "you"
They beat women and manhandle 82-year-olds. Nice place.
Yeah, Sylvia! It's amazing what one can do when facing down danger.
My goodness, they really do lead an adventure-packed life. I'm embarrassed, as the highlight of my day is a glass of wine at the end of it, lol!
Good chapter, Wayne.
xo
Pam
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Hah! Thank you. And thanks for the catch.
I'm asking a bit much from an octogenarian, but he's a Persons!
Comment from jim vecchio
There was a lot of drama and action in this one. Very good writing. My only comment would be to have ended this at the three-qurter point and left the action at the end to another chapter, allowing you to broaden the hppenings.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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There was a lot of drama and action in this one. Very good writing. My only comment would be to have ended this at the three-qurter point and left the action at the end to another chapter, allowing you to broaden the hppenings.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Thank you. Good idea (moving the action to the next chapter. In fact, chapter cutting for FanStory has become my number one headache. It's about impossible to give a beginning, middle, and end in each chapter. And you want to give readers 'something'. And then I try to hold chapters to about 1500 words. can't be done sometimes.
Thanks again.
Oh, and thank you immensely for the six stars!
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Reading many words of yours doesn't bother me. I just hope you don't stop them.