Could it All be a Dream?
Am I dreaming up there?2 total reviews
Comment from pome lover
well, this is a very different story. I would like to make a few suggestions if you don't mind. Your beginning sentence is not a sentence, it's a phrase.
His thoughts are expressed well, but since you only have 100 words, you might want to shorten them and put why he's in a cage? some facts in the story. Does he really have a mother and father? Who put him in a cage? A cage is a crime. It's important. There should be a reason he is there even if it is weird. A story should have a point other than that he is imprisoned.
Just my suggestions. If this was an entry for "thought of a boy taken from his family or something, it would be great. But a story still needs facts, and a beginning, middle and ending. I gave you a 5 for a good account of his thoughts, it just needs a story to back it up. You could have one really good sentence with his thoughts, and the rest why he is there.
Katharine
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024
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well, this is a very different story. I would like to make a few suggestions if you don't mind. Your beginning sentence is not a sentence, it's a phrase.
His thoughts are expressed well, but since you only have 100 words, you might want to shorten them and put why he's in a cage? some facts in the story. Does he really have a mother and father? Who put him in a cage? A cage is a crime. It's important. There should be a reason he is there even if it is weird. A story should have a point other than that he is imprisoned.
Just my suggestions. If this was an entry for "thought of a boy taken from his family or something, it would be great. But a story still needs facts, and a beginning, middle and ending. I gave you a 5 for a good account of his thoughts, it just needs a story to back it up. You could have one really good sentence with his thoughts, and the rest why he is there.
Katharine
Comment Written 25-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2024
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He is in purgatory. The boy, his family, his crush at school, that life, is a dream in the mind of the one in purgatory, dreaming away the nothingness that is the true reality.
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ah. well I didn't get that. sorry. I knew he was obviously unhappy.
Comment from Sara J1
Absolutely loved this. It flowed nicely and tugged at the heart strings. The words help visualize it, which is a great touch l. Keep writing. Thanks for sharing
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Absolutely loved this. It flowed nicely and tugged at the heart strings. The words help visualize it, which is a great touch l. Keep writing. Thanks for sharing
Comment Written 25-Nov-2024