My Aunt Margaret
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Mr.Moore Meets his Maker"You Just Never Know
23 total reviews
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Karen,
well, Aunt Margaret was certainly thorough, but as the saying goes- the best laid plans... Of course you have to take over where Aunt Margaret left off, there is a lot of unrepentant evil in the world, and sometimes the law needs a little hand dealing with all the creeps. If they simply disappear, they can't victimize anyone anymore can they? I love the analogy about the TP and the shoe. Great writing gal.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Tom
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2024
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Hello Karen,
well, Aunt Margaret was certainly thorough, but as the saying goes- the best laid plans... Of course you have to take over where Aunt Margaret left off, there is a lot of unrepentant evil in the world, and sometimes the law needs a little hand dealing with all the creeps. If they simply disappear, they can't victimize anyone anymore can they? I love the analogy about the TP and the shoe. Great writing gal.
Have a blessed Thanksgiving.
Tom
Comment Written 27-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2024
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After thanksgiving I am going to make a pot of your potato soup. My mouth just waters thinking of it. Thanks for the read. I wrote a couple poems to clean my palate. Back to #5 Karen
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I've been thinking about it too. I don't want to make it too soon after Thanksgiving though, I want our digestive systems to get a little break. I'm afraid the amount of delicious food that we'll be enjoying will be almost sinful. I need to learn discipline at the dinner table. Maybe I'll start after Thursday.
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I have a bean stew and a chicken corn stew in my freezer. I am making my sliders today, Some turkey and swiss
some ham and cheddar, and some egg and cheese, Love to you and yours. Karen
Comment from Douglas Goff
Snidely Whiplash. Ha! Haven't heard that in awhile.
Great smart feminine anti-hero. Most enjoyable.
The ending was very fitting. Apples don't fall far from the tree. Ha!
D
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Snidely Whiplash. Ha! Haven't heard that in awhile.
Great smart feminine anti-hero. Most enjoyable.
The ending was very fitting. Apples don't fall far from the tree. Ha!
D
Comment Written 26-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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My favorite cartoon series ever. Rocky and Bullwinkle.
And how about Beany and Cecil? I am humming "ragmop"mas we speak. Thanks for the read. Karen
Comment from GWHARGIS
I definitely think you should finish that case for her. A man who ties a woman up so she can't eat and lets her slowly starve to death is a real low life. This has been fun to read and i like the wiley aunt. Great read. Gretchen
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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I definitely think you should finish that case for her. A man who ties a woman up so she can't eat and lets her slowly starve to death is a real low life. This has been fun to read and i like the wiley aunt. Great read. Gretchen
Comment Written 26-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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With six storage sheds of boxes that we know of, who knows what could happen? Thanks for the read. I know my story got in too late, but who won the contest for you and Rachel of the convention story? Karen
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Jim Wile, Pome Reader, and I think Begin Again. It was tough. They were all different and fun to read. Thanks for joining in the fun. Gretchen
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Since I can't vote for me, I would have picked Jim Willie. He had the fun gene firmly planted. Karen
Comment from Gayla putnam
Extremely clever third chapter. I did wonder what was in the get rid of him forever stew. Your character descriptions and gory details are right on, humorous in a creepy way. Of course you have no choice but to finish the case on the birthday serial killer. Looking forward to your next chapter. gayla
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Extremely clever third chapter. I did wonder what was in the get rid of him forever stew. Your character descriptions and gory details are right on, humorous in a creepy way. Of course you have no choice but to finish the case on the birthday serial killer. Looking forward to your next chapter. gayla
Comment Written 26-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Still working on number 5. Thanks for the read. Turkey day stuff holding me up. Love to you and yours. Karen
Comment from Sanku
Oh my what meticulous planning on the part of Aunt Margaret IT is sad that she was knocked down by a priest and was killed the person who died later could be the priest A bit confusing there I am sure you would track him snd finish him.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Oh my what meticulous planning on the part of Aunt Margaret IT is sad that she was knocked down by a priest and was killed the person who died later could be the priest A bit confusing there I am sure you would track him snd finish him.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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I went back and cleaned that line up about the priest.
I thank you for spotting it. I am working on number #5 Karen
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
How does our narrator know how Margaret looked when she dressed for Kenneth Moore? Did she see her dressed that way? Were there pictures taken? Did Margaret keep a diary that included her "bedroom eyes"? A first person narrator can't know these things unless she's seen them with her own eyes. And the narrator is surprised by Margaret's "secret life", so I assume she didn't see her.
Who is Emmeline Thanatos? Was she in the last chapter because I don't know who she is because of her "gray hair and a prominent nose."
This reads like a Dexter episode, right down to the plastic sheeting. He cut people up, I think your narrator is using acid because there's "not much of him left."
Who is killed by the priest in the car accident? I thought it was the narrator.
Karen, you have a grand story idea which could be a revenge and justice story with a sense of humor. But I do think you rush through the telling and give us too much unnecessary details about people who don't matter and we don't recognize.
If this is just my opinion, I will step aside. I believe you're a better writer than this.
Sorry for the lower rating, but I do feel this is in need of a lot of work.
xo
Pam
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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How does our narrator know how Margaret looked when she dressed for Kenneth Moore? Did she see her dressed that way? Were there pictures taken? Did Margaret keep a diary that included her "bedroom eyes"? A first person narrator can't know these things unless she's seen them with her own eyes. And the narrator is surprised by Margaret's "secret life", so I assume she didn't see her.
Who is Emmeline Thanatos? Was she in the last chapter because I don't know who she is because of her "gray hair and a prominent nose."
This reads like a Dexter episode, right down to the plastic sheeting. He cut people up, I think your narrator is using acid because there's "not much of him left."
Who is killed by the priest in the car accident? I thought it was the narrator.
Karen, you have a grand story idea which could be a revenge and justice story with a sense of humor. But I do think you rush through the telling and give us too much unnecessary details about people who don't matter and we don't recognize.
If this is just my opinion, I will step aside. I believe you're a better writer than this.
Sorry for the lower rating, but I do feel this is in need of a lot of work.
xo
Pam
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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#1 I told everyone right off the bat that she took meticulous noted on everything. Also, that her friends liked helping her in "Pamela Perkins Investigations". Her friends knew she hunted down deadbeats, etc. But not, that she dispatched any. Also I mentioned that she had pictures on every case. So, of course she saw what each person she portrayed looked like.
#2 I also said she was a character for everything she did. She was several people on this job. She was not herself when she rented the warehouse, and she could not have a killing scene come back on Pamela Perkins, so she was "Emmeline Thantos". Thantos means death in Greek.
#3 The stewmaker on (Blacklist) uses plastic sheeting so there would be no prints so she does too.
#4 I agree with you here, I went back and cleaned that up.
#5 I appreciate your taking the time to edit. I always like to hear another point of view. Even if I think you are mostly wrong. :-) Karen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
It is certainly a case you ought to finish. After all, she was killed on her way to burying him. He really ought to know what his poor victims suffered when he killed them. It will be a learning experience for him. Well, written story and quite interesting.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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It is certainly a case you ought to finish. After all, she was killed on her way to burying him. He really ought to know what his poor victims suffered when he killed them. It will be a learning experience for him. Well, written story and quite interesting.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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He will permanently learn it. Thanks for the read. I am working on #5. If you know of some bad men let me know. Karen
Comment from F. William Lester
Oh. My. God! Where do you come up with these ideas? Poor Aunt Margaret. Damn priest. She really was thorough and seemed to have it out for men. Remind me to stay on your good side. :-) I liked this chapter. You gave Margaret a purpose and filled in the details to help her finish her mission. I was a just a little confused in the beginning and who Misty was. But after I reread the parts, the problem is mine as I haven't read the other chapters. Good work. A couple items that caught my eye: in this line, "Some people skirted the edge so keenly that they did not go on the radar. Like Kenneth Moore.", it would sound smoother if you changed the phrase "...did not go on the radar..." to "...flew under the radar..." Another was, "She must pretend...She simply must...She sent him..." You began three consecutive sentences with "she". I've been told by others and have found through my own reading that this is distacting and takes the reader out of the story. Be careful and vary your wording as you write to avoid these distractions. Something I noticed. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. Oh, and by the way, finish the case. :-) Happy Thanksgiving, Karen. Frank
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Oh. My. God! Where do you come up with these ideas? Poor Aunt Margaret. Damn priest. She really was thorough and seemed to have it out for men. Remind me to stay on your good side. :-) I liked this chapter. You gave Margaret a purpose and filled in the details to help her finish her mission. I was a just a little confused in the beginning and who Misty was. But after I reread the parts, the problem is mine as I haven't read the other chapters. Good work. A couple items that caught my eye: in this line, "Some people skirted the edge so keenly that they did not go on the radar. Like Kenneth Moore.", it would sound smoother if you changed the phrase "...did not go on the radar..." to "...flew under the radar..." Another was, "She must pretend...She simply must...She sent him..." You began three consecutive sentences with "she". I've been told by others and have found through my own reading that this is distacting and takes the reader out of the story. Be careful and vary your wording as you write to avoid these distractions. Something I noticed. Nice work. Thanks for sharing it. Oh, and by the way, finish the case. :-) Happy Thanksgiving, Karen. Frank
Comment Written 25-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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I made the edits, I hope you go back and see it did make it better. Thanks for the editing and the read. Karen
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You're welcome. I'm glad they're helpful and I will certainly go back and take a look. Have a great week. Frank
Comment from kahpot
"Snidely Whiplash" love your characters names, and the way you write, I cannot help with grammar or punctuation, so I just review and comment on how the story is for me, and I do look forward to finding out how you go about taking over, very well done****kahpot
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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"Snidely Whiplash" love your characters names, and the way you write, I cannot help with grammar or punctuation, so I just review and comment on how the story is for me, and I do look forward to finding out how you go about taking over, very well done****kahpot
Comment Written 25-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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I thank you so much for the sixes, they are so pretty. I appreciate your taking the time to read me. I am working on #5. Let's see how Beverly does. Karen
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, I definitely think you need to carry on with the case. Why on earth would you leave Aunt Margaret's case unsolved, or at least not solve it in a way that seems fitting. Thanks for sharing. :-)
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Well, I definitely think you need to carry on with the case. Why on earth would you leave Aunt Margaret's case unsolved, or at least not solve it in a way that seems fitting. Thanks for sharing. :-)
Comment Written 25-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Thanks so much for the read. I appreciate your taking the time. Karen