We can't get Junior killed...
My 1st day working in an underground coal mine8 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
When we regularly read a lot of people, sometimes it's difficult to keep up with newer writers. This is the first time that I've run across any of your posts, but I can assure you that I'll be looking to read more.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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When we regularly read a lot of people, sometimes it's difficult to keep up with newer writers. This is the first time that I've run across any of your posts, but I can assure you that I'll be looking to read more.
Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 04-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2024
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Thanks for the review. I joined Fanstory about 6 weeks ago.. I have been posting short stories (~1500 words) and long stories (~6000) words. Hope to hear from you again
Comment from samandlancelot
Hi CM,
My father-in-law was a coal miner in West Virginia. My husband swore he would never enter a mine, and he never did. I enjoy the way you bring working in a coal mine to life. I would have loved to share it with my father-in-law, but he's in a better place. I think my husband will like your stories, so I'll probably share them with him.
It's hard for me to imagine being more anxious about starting a job than that spring day I sat at the end of a wooden bench just outside the bathhouse of the Montour #10 underground coal mine. (Excellent opening that introduces your protagonist and brings the setting to life.)
Engineer major, my gut had been (either change the comma to semicolon or insert 'and' after the comma)
3 years (Change to 'three'; the usual rule for numbers-- depending on the style guide-- is write out the number for numbers 1-9, and use the numerical version for 10 and above.
You could use some semicolons. Since we already discussed this, I didn't point them out.
1.5 inches of bare, un-insulated (remove the dash) solid copper
headlamp on your (I think the pronoun 'my' would work better here) hardhat as a flashlight
form of a 1st (first) day on the job joke for the newbie.
It was Pual, (Paul) with no pleasantries or any sense of urgency,
I could tell Paul had a pastrami sandwich, while Ben had some kind of stew, not from seeing them, it was too dark for that, but from the smell. No doubt when you are underground your senses are all on full alert, listening, seeing, feeling, and smelling for anything different. (Excellent sensory details)
Patricia
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2024
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Hi CM,
My father-in-law was a coal miner in West Virginia. My husband swore he would never enter a mine, and he never did. I enjoy the way you bring working in a coal mine to life. I would have loved to share it with my father-in-law, but he's in a better place. I think my husband will like your stories, so I'll probably share them with him.
It's hard for me to imagine being more anxious about starting a job than that spring day I sat at the end of a wooden bench just outside the bathhouse of the Montour #10 underground coal mine. (Excellent opening that introduces your protagonist and brings the setting to life.)
Engineer major, my gut had been (either change the comma to semicolon or insert 'and' after the comma)
3 years (Change to 'three'; the usual rule for numbers-- depending on the style guide-- is write out the number for numbers 1-9, and use the numerical version for 10 and above.
You could use some semicolons. Since we already discussed this, I didn't point them out.
1.5 inches of bare, un-insulated (remove the dash) solid copper
headlamp on your (I think the pronoun 'my' would work better here) hardhat as a flashlight
form of a 1st (first) day on the job joke for the newbie.
It was Pual, (Paul) with no pleasantries or any sense of urgency,
I could tell Paul had a pastrami sandwich, while Ben had some kind of stew, not from seeing them, it was too dark for that, but from the smell. No doubt when you are underground your senses are all on full alert, listening, seeing, feeling, and smelling for anything different. (Excellent sensory details)
Patricia
Comment Written 22-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2024
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Thx again for your reviews(s). I will clean it up with your notes. BTW, I just posted another mining-related story. It's one of my longer stories. I eventually will polish/finish up, and post, 20 other mining stories I have jotted down, they are all much shorter, less than 1500 words.
Comment from Gayla putnam
I liked your coming-of-age story and learned so much about coal mining. I loved your character descriptions and felt I knew Festus, Paul, and Ben. Though you described mining thoroughly, I was never bored; I was just interested. I felt scared when the train appeared in the dark, and I had to get to a protected area. It is very interesting and well-written. gayla
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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I liked your coming-of-age story and learned so much about coal mining. I loved your character descriptions and felt I knew Festus, Paul, and Ben. Though you described mining thoroughly, I was never bored; I was just interested. I felt scared when the train appeared in the dark, and I had to get to a protected area. It is very interesting and well-written. gayla
Comment Written 15-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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Thx for the review I just joined FanStory and submitted a story for the Horror Contest. I am enjoying this website. I have a backlog of 40 stories, I hope to polish them up and submit one a week
Comment from Esther Brown
I am enjoying learning about mining. You obviously had a bent for it. My hubby is a man's man (logger, fisherman and driller) and appreciates my sharing your stories. Pual, misspelled once but otherwise I didn't catch anything that needed correcting. Esther
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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I am enjoying learning about mining. You obviously had a bent for it. My hubby is a man's man (logger, fisherman and driller) and appreciates my sharing your stories. Pual, misspelled once but otherwise I didn't catch anything that needed correcting. Esther
Comment Written 15-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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Thx for the review and noted spelling error. I just joined FanStory and submitted a story for the Horror Contest. I am enjoying this website. I have a backlog of 40 stories, I hope to polish them up and submit one a week
Comment from Mintybee
I loved reading this story. It's well-written, and the detail really made the story come alive. I also appreciated the "epilogue" with some broad overview of how this experience affected your life afterwards.
Mintybee
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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I loved reading this story. It's well-written, and the detail really made the story come alive. I also appreciated the "epilogue" with some broad overview of how this experience affected your life afterwards.
Mintybee
Comment Written 14-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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Thx for the review. I just joined FanStory and submitted a story for the Horror Contest. I am enjoying this website. I have a backlog of 40 stories, I aim to polish them up and submit one a week
Comment from Regina Elliott
This is a 6 star story, but I ran
out of 6 stars earlier this afternoon. Love the penning.
Fascinating story about your
temporary experience as a coal mine worker. I felt like I was down there with you. A
great nodding tribute to
America's coal miners and
mining engineers. Thank you
for writing it. Have a mellow
and cozy November evening.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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This is a 6 star story, but I ran
out of 6 stars earlier this afternoon. Love the penning.
Fascinating story about your
temporary experience as a coal mine worker. I felt like I was down there with you. A
great nodding tribute to
America's coal miners and
mining engineers. Thank you
for writing it. Have a mellow
and cozy November evening.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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Thx for the review I just joined FanStory and submitted a different mining story for the Horror Contest. I am enjoying this website. I have a backlog of 40 stories, I hope to polish them up and submit one a week.
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
This is a great story. Is it real? Even if it's not you did a great job with it. You may have a math brain, but you can also write. The story was very interesting and kept the reader engaged throughout. You descriptions were spot on, as if the reader is watching from the sidelines.
Great job
Cecilia
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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This is a great story. Is it real? Even if it's not you did a great job with it. You may have a math brain, but you can also write. The story was very interesting and kept the reader engaged throughout. You descriptions were spot on, as if the reader is watching from the sidelines.
Great job
Cecilia
Comment Written 14-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2024
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Thx for the review. I just joined FanStory and submitted a different mining story for the Horror Contest. I am enjoying this website. I have a backlog of 40 stories (about half are mining related). I hope to polish them up and submit one a week. BTW all my stories are based on actual events, I've had a "fun" life.
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CM,
I thought your story was real, just by the description.
Cecilia
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I really enjoyed the way you captured the experience of working underground. Your descriptions made it feel like I was right there with you. I could feel the weight of the work and the friendships. The moment with Blackie and his warning about the rats was so funny. Thanks for sharing this!
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2024
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I really enjoyed the way you captured the experience of working underground. Your descriptions made it feel like I was right there with you. I could feel the weight of the work and the friendships. The moment with Blackie and his warning about the rats was so funny. Thanks for sharing this!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2024
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thx for the feedback