The Shiner
a very short story10 total reviews
Comment from Barry Penfold
Nice little story. Love the image and the twist. Have been away overseas and did not catch much on fan story. Well done and congratulations on the win.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2024
  |
Nice little story. Love the image and the twist. Have been away overseas and did not catch much on fan story. Well done and congratulations on the win.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2024
-
Thank you very much, Barry, for taking a look at my shortie and the kind praise. Rod
Comment from SimianSavant
Hmm, this feels a bit to me like a story fragment, rather than a complete thought. Is there a punchline? Or is the punch itself supposed to be, literally, that?
Crop the white borders off your image. And under advanced options at the bottom of the editor, set the image size to small to stop your text from right-aligning with the image. It will look better.
Best regards,
🦍
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
|
Hmm, this feels a bit to me like a story fragment, rather than a complete thought. Is there a punchline? Or is the punch itself supposed to be, literally, that?
Crop the white borders off your image. And under advanced options at the bottom of the editor, set the image size to small to stop your text from right-aligning with the image. It will look better.
Best regards,
🦍
Comment Written 22-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 22-Nov-2024
-
This is the 5th time I have tried to reply. Many thanks for reviewing and suggesting edits.
Comment from Marilyn Hamilton
An excellent entry for the Shortest Story Contest. This was good flash fiction with the perfect twist ending as one has come to expect with these kinds of stories. I love the use of the Normal Rockwell drawing. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2024
|
An excellent entry for the Shortest Story Contest. This was good flash fiction with the perfect twist ending as one has come to expect with these kinds of stories. I love the use of the Normal Rockwell drawing. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2024
-
Thank you so much for your kind praise of my shortie. Norman Rockwell deserves the bulk of the credit. His paintings always inspire me.
Comment from Robert Zimmerman
The story is complete, short, and very funny. I recall the Norman Rockwell art. Your storyline is ironic humor, and that makes good stories. Good luck to you in the contest. You got my vote.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2024
|
The story is complete, short, and very funny. I recall the Norman Rockwell art. Your storyline is ironic humor, and that makes good stories. Good luck to you in the contest. You got my vote.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2024
-
Thank you very much, Robert, for your praise of my shortie and your vote.
-
You're welcome.
Comment from Thesis
I liked this one. Being a girl dad, I understand the harassment some girls get from a boy bullying them. when you read a story like this, you can understand that some girls have decided to stand up for themselves.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
|
I liked this one. Being a girl dad, I understand the harassment some girls get from a boy bullying them. when you read a story like this, you can understand that some girls have decided to stand up for themselves.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
-
Yes, and this girl came out the winner. Many thanks, Thesis, for sharing my story. Glad you liked it.
Comment from Wendy G
Very cleverly written. A nice twist at the end, and you gave the clues but allowed the reader to come to full understanding. Very best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
|
Very cleverly written. A nice twist at the end, and you gave the clues but allowed the reader to come to full understanding. Very best wishes for the contest.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
-
Thank you, Wendy, for the great review.
Comment from LJbutterfly
You did a fabulous job on this very short story. The story is nicely built on realistic dialogue that smoothly carries the story forward to a humorous and surprising ending. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
|
You did a fabulous job on this very short story. The story is nicely built on realistic dialogue that smoothly carries the story forward to a humorous and surprising ending. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
-
Thanks for the kudos. So pleased you enjoyed my shortie.
Comment from poetwatch
An eye for and arm, author, not a bad exchange. The only this is that the doctor is in and he probably will give that girl a shot for her troubles. :) Wrong place to go to. This is a good entry for The Shortest Story Contest. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
|
An eye for and arm, author, not a bad exchange. The only this is that the doctor is in and he probably will give that girl a shot for her troubles. :) Wrong place to go to. This is a good entry for The Shortest Story Contest. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
-
Your encouraging review of my shortie is much appreciated. Thank you.
Comment from Sallyo
Agh-bwah-ha-ha! That is purely evil. The doctor will now have difficulty sticking to the hipo-whatemy oath. I think the first few lines are a bit TOO clipped, although I understand this is to keep under the word limit. I'm not chopping a star for that though. This IS flash.
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
|
Agh-bwah-ha-ha! That is purely evil. The doctor will now have difficulty sticking to the hipo-whatemy oath. I think the first few lines are a bit TOO clipped, although I understand this is to keep under the word limit. I'm not chopping a star for that though. This IS flash.
Comment Written 13-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
-
Thank you for sharing my shortie, Sallyo.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Nicely done. You've created a sense of tension right from the start. I love the surprise twist at the end with Katie's grin. The dialogue between the doctor and nurse felt realistic. It's a nice snapshot of an unexpected moment. Well done! Keep it up!
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
|
Nicely done. You've created a sense of tension right from the start. I love the surprise twist at the end with Katie's grin. The dialogue between the doctor and nurse felt realistic. It's a nice snapshot of an unexpected moment. Well done! Keep it up!
Comment Written 13-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 13-Nov-2024
-
Glad you enjoyed my shortie, Michael. Thank you for sharing.