The Creepy Room
What in the world happened in this room?5 total reviews
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
You started out strong on this story describing the room in great detail. I feel like the story isn't complete. It leaves the reader hanging, but not quite sure where it's going to next.
Good luck with the contest
Cecilia
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
   |
You started out strong on this story describing the room in great detail. I feel like the story isn't complete. It leaves the reader hanging, but not quite sure where it's going to next.
Good luck with the contest
Cecilia
Comment Written 31-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
-
Thank you for your kind comments and for reviewing.
-
Monica,
You're welcome
Cecilia
Comment from Neonewman
Well, this piece sparks one's imagination. Then there was the help me and dried blood. Brilliantly crafted mystery writer. This is an excellent entry for this contest.
God bless,
Steve
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
|
Well, this piece sparks one's imagination. Then there was the help me and dried blood. Brilliantly crafted mystery writer. This is an excellent entry for this contest.
God bless,
Steve
Comment Written 31-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
-
Thank you for your kind comments and for reviewing.
-
My pleasure, Monica.
Comment from Hailey Wright
This made me feel unsafe where i was! "The heat was so overbearing that it could almost be seen and touched" you wrote, made it feel truly real. The way you describe this room makes you wonder if you were there in person, well- you almost are, aren't you?
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
 |
This made me feel unsafe where i was! "The heat was so overbearing that it could almost be seen and touched" you wrote, made it feel truly real. The way you describe this room makes you wonder if you were there in person, well- you almost are, aren't you?
Comment Written 30-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
-
Thank you for your kind comments and for reviewing. Thanks for the beautiful stars!
Comment from Julie Helms
This is a very effective description of a room clearly filled with mystery and death. It begs the question....what on earth happened in here!
I have a suggestion if you're interested. The "There was/were" grammar construction should be avoided if possible. It is passive and can usually be flipped to active giving the description more impact.
There were rusted chains with padlocks welded to the metal bedframe.
(Rusted chains with padlocks were welded to...)
There were markings on the wall
(Markings scarred the wall...)
There was a damp feel to it,
(Dampness saturated the air...)
Best of luck in the contest!
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
|
This is a very effective description of a room clearly filled with mystery and death. It begs the question....what on earth happened in here!
I have a suggestion if you're interested. The "There was/were" grammar construction should be avoided if possible. It is passive and can usually be flipped to active giving the description more impact.
There were rusted chains with padlocks welded to the metal bedframe.
(Rusted chains with padlocks were welded to...)
There were markings on the wall
(Markings scarred the wall...)
There was a damp feel to it,
(Dampness saturated the air...)
Best of luck in the contest!
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 29-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
-
Thank you for your kind comments and for reviewing. Also, thanks for the suggestions.
Comment from evilynne
Well, that will scare the socks off you, but I still want to know what really happened. The descriptive language is excellent. It sent chills up my spine. Best of luck in the contest! Evi
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
|
Well, that will scare the socks off you, but I still want to know what really happened. The descriptive language is excellent. It sent chills up my spine. Best of luck in the contest! Evi
Comment Written 28-Oct-2024
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2024
-
Thank you for your kind comments and for reviewing. Also, thanks for the wonderful rating.
